Need some advice

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/28/2006 3:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello all,
    My name is Chris and my fiance` has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar (in December). The reason I am writing is to get advice on how to help her, even though I am half a world away deployed in Iraq. She was diagnosed shortly after her grandfather passed away a week after Thanksgiving. After his death she tried to push me away and wanted nothing to do with anybody, not even her own family. I was initially deployed here for a month back in late December and while I was gone she began seeking professional help and getting on correct medications. When I returned from Iraq, we took a short break so she could figure out her priorities and what she wanted in her life. We got back together at the end February and it seemed that she had her head together and things are going great now. I got word that week that I was to be deployed in two weeks, this time for four months. We both knew this was going to be tough. Anywho, enough of a background of us.
    The past two weeks that I have been gone many things have happened in her life that scares me that she may not be able to hold on and I can not be there to help her. She is being laid off and will not longer be working after Friday, she will lose her medical insurance (which means meds and therapy may go away),a guy at her work has been making her question her faith in the Lord by filling her head with his religious beliefs (Church of Christ), and she has two exs that won't leave her alone now that they know I am over here. I have had a couple conversations with her where she was almost two the point where she wanted to harm herself, and a few days before I left for here I had to calm her down so she wouldn't harm herself. She has had suicidal thoughts but thank God she has never carried anything out, I do my best to e-mail, Instant message, or call her every chance I get. The nine hour difference and the fact that I am not there makes it hard for me to keep in constant contact. What are some things that I can do to help? Is there anything else I can do other than just try and be there and talk to her as much as I can? I thank you for taking the time to read this and for any response.
Thank you!

Ellie 1
Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 3/28/2006 9:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to healingwell Chris,
It appears you are doing all that you can do being a world away. I commend you on trying to do all you can for your fiance while still having to maintain all the responsibilities the military requires.
I also can relate a little as to what your fiance is going through. I was a military wife for more than a decade, and it can be a lonely existance. Add to that newly diagnosed bi-polar disorder, job loss, etc. and her life can't be easy right now. I hope that she has a supportive family. That's such an asset in this disorder.
I know you're worried, and it's wonderful that you are there for her to the best of your ability. Make sure you concentrate on you as well though. There is only so much you're going to be able to do in your situation.
As for her losing her med ins. She may be able to qualify for a govt assistance program. There are also programs in place now to help with prescription drugs for those who can't afford them.
Take Care and God Bless
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.

Ashley C
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/28/2006 5:34 PM (GMT -6)   

First of all I want to thank you for serving our country and protecting us...I greatly admire soliders like you who are willing to put their lives on the line to save ours!

about your fiance, she seems to really be having a tough time and I know it is hard on you wanting to be there for her. I have been just recently diagnosed bipolar and my husband has helped me alot. The way my husband helps me is to talk to me. It makes me feel better just knowing that he is there for me to talk to and he reassures me that having the disorder is not my fault. Does she have other family members that can support her while your away...emotionally and if worse comes to worse financially for the insurance loss? I have been on my meds for five days and they are helping me extremely! I finally feel normal without constant mood changes. Like Ellie said, if she looses her coverage she may qualify for gov. funding or prescription help. If you are a christian, one of the best ways you can help her is to pray for her and take care of yourself. It really helps by being supportive and talking to her whenever you can. I hope it works out the best for the both of you and God bless!

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 3/29/2006 6:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Glad you found the website :)

While my medical problems are CFIDS and mild Anxiety, I do understand what your perspective is and how it can be frustrating and scary at times. My x was bi-polar and was on Paxil for years. (The Paxil didn't help him much). One minute, he's happy and laughing, next minute, he's crying in my lap, next minute he's angry... it CAN be hard on loved ones. There was times I felt helpless and like there was nothing I could do to help him... but that wasn't true at all!

I know it's harder for you because you're so far away, but simple things like talking to her when you get the chance, and keeping in constant contact, letting her know you're there and being there for her in any way you can helps a ton!

Me and my X didn't split up because of his bipolar disorder, it was for a different reason, but about a year or so after we split up I ran into him at a store. He thanked me for being there for him while he was going through a difficult time, and he's actually learned how to manage his life and illness without meds... is married... and happy. Some people do need the meds to help them, and there's nothing wrong with that. But it meant the world to me knowing that the efforts I did make helped him out a lot... as I'm sure you'd be doing for your other half.

One of the most important things to anyone on this board is having someone who is at least understanding of what they're going through, and acknowledging the illness, and you're definately going the right way!

I don't know how her family is with accepting her illness and being there for her, but let her know that if she wants to talk to someone when she can't get to talk to you that understands, feel free to let her know that I'm here for chatting if she needs anything. One of the things that I think everyone on this board has in common no matter the illness is that these illnesses are often highly misunderstood and often downplayed by many.

As of this moment, the only people I have near me that even try to understand CFIDS (my main illness) and accept it, is my grandma, my dad (who lives in Virginia) and there's a guy in my car club that has a sister that has it. The most important thing is to have people there that do understand and try to. You're out there serving our country, and I'm sure that's really hard on you because you want to BE there for her, but you can't... and I'm sure she understands that and that you're doing everything you can. A new diagnosis is always something it takes most people some time to get accustomed to and accept themselves.

But like I said, if she could use an extra person to talk to, feel free to have her get a hold of me, and I'll do anything I can to help.

Bless you for serving our country, and I pray all is well, and pray she can hang in there! Let me know if you need anything ok?


I have chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety (at this current moment), and some minor abdominal pain which still hasn't been figured out yet... need a break from all the testing ;)


CFS: Provigil 200mg, once a day
Anxiety: Lorazepam .5 or 1mg 3xs a day or as needed

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