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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/31/2006 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 

I just left my boyfriends’ place because somehow, after feeling so stable (and happy, and in love) I have fallen a steep, hard fall.

 

It has been several weeks since my last bout of depression, and to say the least, I was not prepared or ready for this one, which has now lasted almost five days.  I had a little ‘slip’ awhile ago, one day, after drinking (not getting drunk) just having a few drinks.  But that only lasted, one day.

 

Bipolar to me is terrifying.  This whole pain of highs and lows isn’t new to me I guess, but the meds are.  The knowledge is.  The dealing is.

 

I have gone from eating everything in sight this past week, to right now at this very moment losing my appetite completely not even wanting to think about food.  The muscle aches, the fatigue.  The pain, the tears.  The emptiness.  I am lost, and I am alone.

 

Ah, the muscle aches.  I am in so much physical pain.  I need to have a bath, but I have no energy to do that right now.  I feel like crawling back into my hole of blankets on my bed and sleeping this nightmare away.  And yet, sleeping is the last thing I want to do right now, because I have been doing that around the clock all week.  It actually scares me, the thought of going to bed.

 

Last night I lay awake thinking of how I no longer wish to live.  I don’t quite remember the last time those thoughts invaded my mind, my injured spirit.

 

How is it possible to get to this point after where I’ve been the past several weeks?  Why am I having so many panic attacks?  Is this new medication going to help?  If it is, when?  Is the drinking (again only a few drinks) I did last weekend the result of this anguish?

 

How can I go on anymore?

Ashley C
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 95
   Posted 3/31/2006 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogli,

I completely understand how you are feeling and have been in a low for the past few months. Although I have had a few highs in manic days, the lows of depression has invaded my mind. I was late taking my medicine today and I began to go into a manic attack. Being manic actually felt good to me compared to this sadness I have been feeling. My husband noticed the change in me right away and made me take my meds. You gave a very accurate description of how I feel in my lows. My appetite is ravenous and then nothing. I also cry uncontrolably alot. Please don't give up. Praying and being with people I love help me.

I hope that your meds begin to work. Try your best to hang in there and remember that although you may feel like giving up and taking your life right now....it will pass. Try to focus on something different, something you enjoy doing. I know how hard it is to focus on anything but the bad during these hard times. I hope everything works out for you okay. Keep us posted and I hope you begin to feel better. I am here for you if you need to talk. I hope all goes well!
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