Hi there. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. You have been very supportive of me when I come on here and so informative. Obviously you know yourself and this disorder and these meds are not doing the trick right now. Just remember you are not alone and you are a good person. You supported me when I though I was losing my mind and that was so helpful. The one thing I find helpful when I'm feeling so miserable is to go outside and get some fresh air. I don't go for a walk or anything I just breath in the fresh air. Sometimes if I don't want to step outside I'll open the window and breath the fresh air even if it's cold while I'm lying in bed. There is just something alive about it that often helps me perk up a bit, even if it's only for a few minutes. I'll be thinking of you and I really wish I could help you. I'm feeling a little crazy right now (maybe mania, or hypomania) and I wish I could help you as much as you helped me but unfortunately I'm not thinking clearly so if this is kinda garbled I'm sorry. Take care and I wish the best for you!