I just found this site and it has given me 'some' hope, or at least some comfort, while reading thru some of the forums.
After 25 years of marraige, during which we had many "ups & downs" but managed to have what I thought was a loving relationship, my wife shocked me and our 3 children a few months back, telling me that she wanted a divorce, and would not go to counseling. Her behaviour had become somewhat bazaar in the previous months leading up to her decision. Things like the way she started to dress (usually classy and conservative) to looking like a teenager, and very provocative. Her relationship with my 16 yr old daughter seemed to take a roll reversal, my daughter being the adult and having to ask my wife not to use foul language around her friends and getting into arguments like friends instead of mother / daughter. After her announcement, she got much worse and within 4 weeks or so, seemed to have a completely different personality. She expressed thoughts while staying around the home for awhile until she moved out, like she does not know 'who' she is, and she just needed her freedom. Over 3 months, she completly changed, leaving her kids and only calling them on the phone a few times a week until that stopped and she hasn't seen them since. She repeatedly stated she 'wants / needs a new life, which apparently does not include her kids.
I have since found out that she began to 'see' someone 3 months prior to her braking the news, ended that relationship, told me she wanted out, then while still coming and going into our home seemingly trying to keep her relationship with he kids, went out to bar/restaurants in pursuit of other relationships, met someone and is now living with him. We (my children and I) don't know what hit us! We are devastated by what has happened and I am searching for reasons as to how's and why's. I do believe, based on alot of things to numerous to mention here, that she does have some type of 'personality disorder' coming from past childhood abuse...which certainly complicates things.
She was diagnosed 1 year ago as BP by a psychiatrist who saw her when we admitted her in the hospital for 4 days to straighten out the pain meds she had been on for 4 years due to chronic back pain along with deep depression and suicidal thoughts. After surgery to repair her back ,she then went thru a tramatic loss of a brother which seemed to 'trigger' something in her, gradually changing her personality and putting great stress on our relationship. Even in the first month of her telling me, she laid in bed when she was home saying things like she didn't think she could be healed and she 'didn't know who she was.
At the time of her diagnosis, her Dr. began treating her with Zoloft (300mg last I knew) as well
as other meds. I never had the opportunity to speak with this Dr. after the hospital visit as she refused to return any of my calls (I believe she was telling the Dr. only what she wanted her to hear and began to 'trash' me). I am aware of HIPPA laws but I do not understand a Dr. ONLY getting input from a patient she determined to be BP? This Dr.has no way of knowing that what my wife has told her about herself is true or not. No counseling or therapy was ever recommended at the time the diagnosis. I believed it was just a matter of 'high and low' mood swings, which we both knew about for years in her.
There is so much more that I can't get into here that is so frustrating for me and my family. I believe that the majority of this whole problem is coming from a lack of understanding on the part of my wife about her BP condition, not to mention my just beginning to understand and put some pieces together to help make some sense of all this. She refuses to get help (besides seeing her psychiatrist for meds) because she "doesn't see why she needs help".
I still love my wife and am committed to her because I now this is not the person I've been married to for all these years and this is NOT the mother whom my kids know and love. But right now, she does not think there is anything wrong with what she is doing. She hangs up on my daughter when asked to tell the truth about what is going on or where she is living and looks for excuses NOT to call the kids.There has been a steady pattern of lies told not only to me but to my kids as well for the last year, along with the symptoms of spending, increased sex drive,etc.
I ask for your help in trying to comprehend this all...sorry for the long explanations.
1) Will she come down from this 'mania' and understand what has happened and what she did?
2) Is there anyway to communicate to her that what she is doing may be a result of BP and medication?
3) Suggestions on how to get her to therapy? (she will no longer talk to me)
Thanks for any input!