Questions...feeling lost, please help

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fragile_reverie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/1/2006 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey,
 
My mom and friends have thought I was bipolar for some time. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 16 and since then my swings have majorly jumped. I'm either jumping off the walls or so depressed I don't even want to move. I see things constantly and I'm terrified; mostly of myself. I have most of my problems of seeing things at night or when I am at work. Work is usually the worst because I'll just get so depressed I'll be at my register and cry or be so rude to my customers, I'll just snap. On other times I'm running around the registers going out of my mind because I have got to do something or I'll cry because I'm so manic.
Being like this is killing me. I'm terrified of what's going to happen next. I was put on prozac when I was 15 for 3 months but my mom took me off of it. I was put in the psyche ward twice once for self mutilation and the second time for an overdose on my paxil. My mom then refused to put me on any more medications because she was afraid of what I'd do. I'm 18 now and want nothing more than to find out what is wrong with me and to get something to help. Five minutes from now I'll say no way to the medications because I don't want to be on them for the rest of my life but what could be worse than this? I don't have any money nor insurance, I don't know where to go but I need help.
Do yall have any ideas? Could I be bipolar or is it just bpd? If yall know anything about how I could get help or if you've been here too please let me know. No one here seems to understand. My fiancee's trying but I just seem to hurt her...please help.
 
Wendy

tiffers
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 6/1/2006 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel. I began feeling bad when I was in high school,too and it has taken 10 years for me to finally get the courage to see a pshychiatrist and start meds. They still aren't sure of a diagnosis. Have you tried going to the county health department for help as far as insurance concerns? Sometimes they can refer you to clinic that are very cheap or free. I hope things work out.
Tiff

fragile_reverie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/1/2006 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I thought about it but I wasn't sure if they were trianed enough to really help...
Wendy

lovely_dove
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/11/2006 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Wendy.

I'm not a doctor. I can't make this call. But you sound Bipolar to me. If not that, then something else. What your describing is eerily similar to what I've been through. It stinks. But it gets better.

You clearly have some issues, possibly caused by similar chemical imbalances. I know you want to be happy and fix the parts of you that you know aren't "right". Do not block out the best way to do this. Try the meds. If you were diabetic, you would take insulin for the rest of your life. Why? because it corrects the imbalance. it HELPS you live. Any medication is the same as insulin. You might need to balance yourself out to be able to live your life like you should.

Your mom was wrong to take you off meds. Yes, you may be playing around for years (like I did) to find the right ones for you. Yes there will be crazy times, and really crappy moments. But when you find the right combo you will see how worth it it really is. Imagine being able to live your life, without all the crazyness in your head. You have the potential to be completely happy. So do it!

A couple things you may want to check into. Government aid. Like medicare. I have a friend who gets his meds and therapy solely based off medicare. If you're mental issues keep you from holding down a job. Let the government know. They will pay for your help. Maybe even let you collect disability.

Studies. I don't know where you're located, but a lot of times there are hospitals in the area conducting studies. I got my meds and therapy free for 3 years because I went in once a month and answered questions (which I even got paid for!). Yes I was lucky to live near a hospital conducting a study on bipolar, but you may be too! look into it!

Pro Bono. Some doctors do this. Go to a ritzy area. Ask to meet with doctors. Tell them your situation, ask if they can help. It can't hurt.

If all else fails, free clinics can't hurt. Really. Even though they might not have top of the line training. A doctor is a doctor. They had to learn a lot to get where they are. There are also some really qualified people who work in free clinics because its rewarding to them. Take the chance! It can't hurt.

Wendy, I am so proud of you for seeking out help. That's a HUGE first step, and I hope your determination carries through. You can make the changes you want happen. And I'm sure your fiancee will appreciate that, and be a big support.

Best of luck,
Hannah

fragile_reverie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/11/2006 7:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for all of your informations Hannah! I never even thought of half of those idea for health care. I did sign up for medicade recently and have pretty much been aproved however it will only last until my 19th birthday and then I will be yet again on my own to continue my meds. They said medicade will continue if you have a disability is bipolar seen as a disability? I've also heard that you can contact the company who does your medications and many will work something out with the paitent...

I really want to be a social worker and we were just wondering if that would be possible if I'm diagnosed bipolar. I mean I don't have to tell my future employer that I'm bipolar do I?

Wendy

lovely_dove
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/11/2006 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Wendy,

Wow, a social worker would be a great job! My friend's mom started as a social worker, so if you have any more questions about it, I could ask her. Having bipolar would probably help you do a better job. You would probably be able to empathize with a lot more people. And no, you would never have to notify your employer of your disability. Employers are actually prohibited by law to ask that kind of question. Unless you choose to mention it, they have no way of knowing.

and yes, Bipolar disorder is most definitely a disability. Just as much as being in a wheelchair. You should be able to collect medicade on that premise. One of my best friends actually had bipolar disorder severe enough that he couldn't hold down a job. He's collecting disability money.

That's a good idea to contact companies! I never thought of that! I might even try it! Another thought is to find a good full time job. There are a lot of full time jobs in call centers and other companies that have good benefits, including medical insurance.

You're on the right track! I hope you feel better in the meantime. In the end, you're going to come out 1000x stronger than everyone around you, because you had to battle these obstacles.

Take care,
Hannah

fragile_reverie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/12/2006 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it would be good because of what I've expericanced and the information I know so I'm really excited. I think once I am medicated may it be for bipolar or even my BPD which I have been diagnosed for I will be in the place I need to be to have the stability to be a social worker so I am really excited.

That's really good that they take bipolar into count as a disability for those who do really need the help. I never saw it that way but it's good to know.

Wendy

kristine61077
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/13/2006 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there!! I totally understand what you are going through. I myself am bipolar and found myself going through what you are except for the self mutilation bit. I tried several medications and none of those seemed to help until I started taking wellbutrin xl. I tell you ever since I started taking wellbutrin, my life has totally changed. All my bipolar symptoms have just about completely dissapeared. I am not bitter and cranky and paniky like I used to be. I was so bad before that I didn't even want to bother starting a relationship with a man because I knew how bitter I was and how bad my mood swings were. Now that Im on wellbutrin, I laugh and smile all the time. I can actually trust people where as before I was too paniky to open up to people. My life has made a complete 360 ever since i started taking wellbutrin. I myself do not want to have to take meds all my life but if it means either being happy or down in the dumps and cranky all the time, Im going to take my meds!! There's hope for you, youre not alone. If you start thinking youre alone in this world remind yourself that you have a wonderful fiance and family who love you and are behind you all the way. I hope this helps you and I wish you the best!
Kris

fragile_reverie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/13/2006 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Kris,

Thank you so much for your words. Sometimes you do believe there is no hope and to hear your your story really helps because you can see how many people over come this brick wall that flew in front of them. That's why I love this site. No on here judges just takes it all into consideration and trys to educate and give advice the best they can.

I do understand how you don't want to be on meds forever because neither do I; however, if it's helps it's insane to not take the medicines. My fiance is amazing, I have no idea how she puts up with it and me but I think that stong barrier in my life is what keeps me here and not falling into the bricks...Don't shy yourself anymore You deserve to have that just like everyone else. Now that you feel safe in yourself you can feel safe with someone else.

Wendy

Jappy
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/26/2006 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there, i was like you during my teens, that was 8years ago. Honestly, i don't know how i manage to survive till today, but now is worst than before, i am diagnose of having fibromyalgia, it is very rare over here in singapore,you can imagine the stress i am going through... I am all alone, people tend to ask what is FM, worst, not all doctors recognise FM here.

I've been struggling for the past 10years,i think i can't go on any further... I become very depress and thoughts of ending my life is BACK again. I am very confuse, is it that i really am mentally ill or is it that pressure i face in everyday life. My boss (doctor) vent his anger on me, some nonsense patients, show me their temper, boyfriend also vent anger on me. I am a human, i have feelings. I just kept quiet when people blow their top, no point talking back at them... end up quarrel only. What for?

I was married once, i struggle to survive for husband... now, i don't know. I am the same as you, trapped... but don't know what is trapping us. So it is really difficult to recover. I was been abuse and sexually abuse as a kid, maybe that is the reason. How to untie this hurting knot, i don't know, doctor can't either.


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 6/26/2006 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jappy,
You sound so depressed. There are things that Drs. can do for this. There are many different types of antidepressants out there that can really ease the symptoms of the hopelessness you feel.
Is it possible for you to change jobs if you are unhappy with your employment? Being content in the workplace might make a great difference in your outlook. I too, have been in jobs where I was uncomfortable and unappreciated. I didn't stay long.
Childhood abuse, be it physical, verbal or sexual can set us up for long lasting problems. This may be the root of many of the issues you face now. Counseling could help with this if it's available.
I hope you're able to resolve this soon, don't be afraid to reach out for help. We're always here if you need us as well. Post as often as you need.
Take Care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 

Jappy
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/27/2006 2:07 AM (GMT -7)   
 The treatment i have to go is to see psychiatrist? I've seen psychiatrist few years ago, but it really never help me at all. In fact, i got worst. That's why i stop seeing. What other types of doctor is available for me?
Thank you

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 6/27/2006 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Often a General Practicioner will prescribe anti depressants. Also a psychologist can offer counseling services which can sometimes be as helpful as medications. Especially if the depression is the result of some past trauma.
Sometimes it takes a little time to find one you "fit" with, but it's worth the effort.
Take Care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 

lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 6/28/2006 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a fairly newly diagnosed bi-polar.  I lost a job because of it.  Some days I could function (when I was manic) and then I would crash and I couldn't even read what was in front of me or make any sense of my paperwork.  I have been through a lot, learned a lot over the past 3 months.  What I do know is that I have to have the medication.  I am much happier being on an even mood than having the highs and lows.  I have more energy in general and am a much happier person.  So...I say, get on the meds until you find one that doesn't have all the bad side effects on you. (it is different for different people).  Then take the meds religiously.  I am on geodon, a fairly new med but it is perfect for me.  I don't have the memory problems like I did with topamax. A counselor is helpful also.  Now that I know that I am bi polar and that is the reason I spent so much money (and didn't remember most of it) I almost put my husband and myself into bankrupsy, the counselor helps me stay on track with things like that.  She reminds me that if I get a grandioise idea that its probably my bi polar self kicking in, not really a good thing for me to do whatever it was I was thinking about!.  And when I want to spend money, she reminds me that my bi polar self spends money without thought to the consequences or the amount of money in the bank.  "Just stop and think before you act" is what she tells me.  It is really helpful to have someone who knows you that well and is ok saying those things.  So...I say go for the meds and find a counselor or a friend who can be your BP buddy to remind you of those things that you shouldn't do!!  Also, most physicians offices can get you "indigent meds" for people who don't have a lot of money.  They have paperwork so the meds can be sent to you free from the drug companies.  Just ask your doctor. 
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