Husband has BP

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helpless06
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/7/2006 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I recently joined the forum under chronic pain. I have chronic back pain and have been frustrated with the medical community and was looking for a place to vent and learn from others. I saw the BiPolar forum and thought I'd like to get some insight from you.

I met my 2nd husband about 5 years ago. For 8 months we had a wonderful relationship. I noticed some signals from him that there was something wrong but he always denied it. After 8 months he sudently said that he didn't think we should see each other any more. I told him I did not understand because all this time he told me he loved me and I felt he truly did. We were separated for a month and then we decided to try it again. He told me that was his pattern, after about 8 months he freaked out and felt he needed to move on to the next woman. about a month after, he collapsed with a brain anerusym. I stayed with him and helped him through his recovery of surgeries, stroke and reabilitation. He had told me he had bi-polar and other medical conditions and did not like being on medication because he liked who he was. He is definitely different and can be really fun. On the other hand, he is always on the verge of 'blowing up' and for a long time I walked on egg shells, not sure what to say or what would set him off. I believe he hears voices but I don't think he hallucinates. I never know what he's thinking and a lot of times he hurts me emotionally. He does take something to calm him down and when he's running low it's not a pretty picture.

I feel he isn't intuned to my feelings and what I'm going through and it really bothers me. My feelings get hurt pretty easy and I believe it's because he's self-centered which I believe falls under the bipolar. He spends money like he has a never ending checking account and I go into hives when he goes any kind of shopping with me.

He has 2 kids of his own and he will do anything for them. He doesn't punish them or hold them responsibility for their actions or their chores and drives me crazy. I won't even go into the kids aspect of this.

I never imagined coming into this family would be so difficult. I am married to an unstable husband who lets his kids do whatever and doesn't seem to care what they do. I see everything and I'm afraid they are going to chose a wrong path and then it will be too late. There are many times between living in this situation and my chronic pain I want to end it all. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is my own 21 year old son. I could never do that to him.

Thanks for listening. Any response would be appreciated.

Loribop
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/8/2006 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
HI, I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm in a similar situation. I wonder how many of us are out there! I am married 1 1/2 years to an alcoholic and Bipolar I man. I, too, walk on eggshells and try to avoid setting him off. We work together, and commute together, so there is little downtime from seeing each other. We are in terrible debt and he keeps digging us deeper. I sometimes wonder what it was I saw that made me want to marry him. That's a terrible thing to say, but the truth. A few weeks ago he totally lost touch with reality and thought I was a man he used to know who was a child molester. He kept me hostage on our bed and hid or broke all of the telephones. I was able to sneak back my cell phone when he turned his back and had it hidden just in case. He was yelling crazy things and threatening me for hours. You should have seen the crazy look in his eyes. He kept telling me that his wife (me) was safe somewhere and he was going to make me (male child molester) pay for what I did. Finally he went to the bathroom and I was able to call 911 for help. One officer showed up and drew his gun, my husb used me as a human shield and charged the officer. Backup arrived and beat the crap out of my husb. and left him in the ER as an unknown wife beater (never laid a hand on me) and drug user (does not do drugs). 33 stiches later, 2 broken ribs, huge bruises and abrasion, the ER let him out of the hospital and back into my house! Luckily we found a great Dr who diagnosed him with Bipolar and gave him meds. It's been 2 weeks sober and on meds now. The Dr has me on meds for PTSD.  My husband wants to drink again and it scares me. I can't go back to living in fear the way I was.
I hope your situation does not end up like mine. You really stood by him, which is admirable. Maybe you, too, can find a good Dr who can help both of you. Thanks for letting me tell my story. Good Luck

Post Edited (Loribop) : 7/8/2006 7:46:51 AM (GMT-6)


helpless06
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/8/2006 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow Lori, I'm really sorry to hear what you have been going through. That is extremely scary for you. I personally think you need professional help in dealing with this. This place is a great forum but to have your life threatened should not be taken lightly. Nor should you live in fear not knowing when he's going to give into his deisre to drink and what will set him off. That is NO WAY for you to live. If he wants to drink, he's going to it's just a matter of time. My husband hasn't drinken for over 20 years. My ex was an alcoholic and that's why I left him. He was mentally and verbally abusive. My current husband has gone through a lot and told me he's thought about drinking and I told him I would leave in a heartbeat. I've been through it, I won't again and he knows it.

I too sometimes regret marrying him and I feel trapped but I take my vow seriously. I won't hesitate though to leave if he ever cheats or starts drinking or lays a hand on me. I do see in his eyes sometimes the crazy madness he has and he controls it very well. He knows how to and sometimes what comes out of his mouth is very hurtful and vengeful but I am not in fear of my life.

Please look to getting help, counseling for both of you. You have every right to be happy and feel secure in your own home. Be careful.

Katina
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/8/2006 10:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,I can relate to some of the issues you have. My husband has BP and he is so awesome,but not always.  We have about $50,000.00 worth of football cards because he thought we had a never ending check book.  I took the checkbook away and took him off the checking account.  He was not so clear as to why but I had a good excuse.  He cant work and collect dissability now.  So to save my credit I pay all the bills and take care of all the money.  As far as the kids he has not always been good reprimanding them. But we got a good counselor and psychiatrist.  He does not like to go but he always feel better after words.. I walked on egg shell for a long time but know he is ok. Don't give up!! He will get better if he takes his meds. My husband would have such bad days I was afraid to come home.  Or I would have to take the kids to a sitter while I worked. It SUCKED but we got through it and he is wonderful now.  he takes care of the kids while I work and he takes care of the house.  So in reality If  he will choose to accapt it that he needs help it will make all your lives easier.

Loribop
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/9/2006 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for writing back.  We are going to a psych dr and a therapist so at least we are getting help.  I take my vows seriously as well, which I guess is why I didn't walk out on day one!  If I feel I am in danger again I'm done and he knows it.  I do think he is going to start drinking again and I'm not sure how to handle it.  For today things are ok.  We're healing from the incident a few weeks ago.  The Dr put me on meds for depression PTSD and I am hoping they will start working soon.  We've been trying to start a family, but I put that on halt (I'm 39 and the clock is ticking, but I don't want to really be trapped with a baby while we go thru this)  Anyway, I hope things are good with you and your hubby.  Thank you again for sharing your experience.  At least we're not alone.

helpless06
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/10/2006 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm very happy to hear you're going in for therapy! Good for you!! Even though we are with our spouses for better or for worse, you have to look out for your sanity. Unfortunately it will take about 2 weeks for the antidepressants to kick in, so hang in there.

My husband is going in today for an MRI to see if his treatment for his anerusyms is working. The treatment could take 2-3 years to work and it's been 1 so we're both a little nervous (he more than I obviously) on what the results will come back with.
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