i'm new to the forum and have a question for everyone.
i think my husband has experienced an episode of mania.
he has been taking lexapro for depression for a few years now but i have always suspected he's bipolar-his mood swings, his self destructive bahaviors, etc....
well, 2 months ago-he finally experienced his 4th traumatic event of the year by being suspended at work for something he ended up proving he didn't do (the other 3 events were the birth of our first child, an arrest for a DUI and major home repairs).
Well, after almost 9 years of being together-and all of these years faithful-he went out and met a girl 13 years younger than him and he made plans to spend a week at the beach with her-and went-i found out-and now he says she's the most intriguing girl he's ever met-that our marriage has never worked (did i mention we had just come back from a fun vacation together?)-he's not staying at the house w/ me or our son-he says she's just a friend of his-he vacillates between telling me he doesn't love me, to he loves me, to i brought this on myself to that he's indecisive about me. let me say that we may have had some ups and downs in our marriage but this is WAY out of the ordinary behavior for him-he's become cruel, deceitful, irrational.....all of his friends, his family, my family-we all think he's snapped.
he has been gowing to a group for people w/ bipolar and he has confided to me that he feels a kinship w/ them b/c he thinks he does have bipolar-but he doesn't seem to want to go get diagnosed. he has shared that he doesn't feel like he knows himself anymore and he has said it has nothing to do w/ me, that it's him. he still continues to see this girl but insists they are just friends (on this i don't believe him but whatever). when i mention splitting up from him-divorce-he seems confused as to why i would bring that up. he says he answers people w/ what he is feeling at that moment-whihc explains why he will tell his mom it's over between us, tell his sis he's indecisive and tell me he doesn't know what he wants.
i told him last thursday that i would agree to a moratorium on clarifying our relationship for 3 weeks to let him get his thoughts in order, on the understanding that after 3 weeks he will need to sit down and have an honest discussion w/ me. We will continue to have contact-about our son, school our lives, etc-I just won't nag him to make a decision. Honestly, I don't know if he's in his right mind enough to make a decision about something to major.
I am trying to get him to see a doc to get diagnosed-b/c he's being more and more erratic and irrational and he's starting to let it affect his job. I am doing the hard thing of stepping outside of my role as his wife and trying to be a friend to get him some help.
Someone had told me that the marriage issues won't even make his radar until he can get his moods under control.
Does anyone have any experience w/ this sort of sudden behavior change? (trust me-we were not unhappily married before this-he went from being a super affectionate and loving husband to this!)....and, if yes, am i handling it right by calling the moratorium?
It's just so stressful to me b/c this has all happened-out of the blue-w/in the last 1 1/2 months!
i know this is long-thanks for reading!