Hi, first post on here.
I've been on medications since the age of 2 (phenobarbital) and then started psychotropics at age 13 - I'm almost 40 now.
Mostly, I've always been diagnosed as having depression, depression with anxiety, despression with anxiety and suicidal ideations, and finally this year with bipolar.
I was started on Trileptal and Trazadone, due to not having insurance and not being able to afford the medications I have stopped taking them; also because I found that I was aching all over constantly. Seemed like it was a useless battle, mental stability and physical pain, or physical stability and mental anguish.
Anyway, I am still at a point where I want to deny that I am Bi-polar. I keep thinking that I just have to try harder at being 'normal', or that I'm using my mental state in order to be lazy and hide out from living.
Along the way, about 3 years ago, I decided that I would stop all medications (I was on 9 psychotropics) and within a month began using illegal drugs. Now, I've been clean of those for 2 years.
I guess I'm posting to hear others viewpoints and experiences with this.
I don't want to be bi-polar but I don't know why I don't feel normal.