getting the initial diagnosis-too scary to do?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

lucyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 8/21/2006 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning all.
 
I'm a newbie here so I apologize if this has been covered ad nauseum.
 
But, I have been doing some reading on this disease and there seems to be a constant theme of people who suffer from it not wanting to go to the doctor for the diagnosis.
 
Is it denial? Fear of actually having the diagnosis confirmed?
 
I ask b/c I have thought for years that my husband has had bipolar and not just the depression he was being treated for.....and recently he has seemed to undergo a manic break where the disease has come out in the open....and he's suffering.....and he shares with me how he doesn't feel himself, he knows something isn't right and he has even started going to a peer led support group for biploar people-but he won't go see an actual doctor.
 
Is there a way to approach him that would be best for getting him to agree to go? I don't want to seem like I am nagging (b/c THAT doesn't work-in fact the more I push for something the more he'll lash out and push away) but I do love him tremendously and knowing he's in such pain and anguish is horrible. I want to help him if I can.
 
Thanks in advance,
lucyblue
 
 

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/21/2006 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lucy,

Ah, wish I had the answer to this. I was lucky in that my ex/partner got help first time round after he started cutting himself -- he knew *that* wasn't right! But then he did bin the sessions. The good news is that he has just booked an appointment with a new psychiatrist -- again, after another real low point with fear of cutting (he ended up taping over all his knives to stop himself). So I guess my feeling is that sometimes things have to get *really* bad for a person to admit they need help: people with bipolar who are in the manic phase tend to reject help, but a depressive phase can be what's (dare I say) needed to push them to seek treatment. When this happened a few days ago to my ex/partner, I knew I had to take advantage of the low and talk to him then about how this was not his normal -- reminded him of how he was before all this started, etc. Telling him you love him and are there for him is very important -- so that he knows he's not being abandoned because of his illness -- and reinforcing that it takes courage to get help, and saluting that courage when he does start making gestures about perhaps getting help also seem to help (kind of rewarding good behaviour with praise I guess!). Reminding him that the illness is biological/chemical and not a sign of his weakness is also very important, as you know I think from your experience with others' bipolar: on one level he may know this, but it's easy to substitute self-blame when you're very low.

Take care hun.

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


lucyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 8/21/2006 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Rosie,
 
Thanks for the response.
 
I actually think he may be experiencing some letdown from the mania and that's why he's seeming more open to discussion about his issues.
 
I spoke w/ him yesterday and pointed out how many people love him and stand waiting in the wings to help him, as soon as he lets us know he wants our help. He did say that made him feel a lot better.
 
I try to let him know that how he is behaving is not "him"-b/c I am not sure he even realizes the manic him is NOT who he really is-if that makes sense....b/c his interpretation was that the manic him has been his true personality all along and the way he was usually was a fake him-it got a little convoluted......and finally last week he admitted that he hasn't been himself at all-and that maybe he doesn't even know who he is anymore.....whihc is scary and sad.....I also have told him that its okay to seek treatment, b/c if he had diabetes, he'd get help for that, wouldn't he? Not that I'm trying to downplay the BP but trying to point out that there's no shame in having something biological in nature.
 
I'm glad you're SO has decided to seek help again. And VERY glad for you both that he was able to recognize that the cutting thing wasn't normal.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/21/2006 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi and Welcome thanks to Rosie you have gotten some great input I would just be there for him as you are letting him know that you love him no matter what ....Please keep us posted on how he is doing and you ....God Bless......Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/22/2006 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lucy,

Not being convinced that he knows the manic him is not "him" makes total sense to me -- I get the same sense with my ex/partner. I think you're doing the right thing, talking to him, reminding him that bp is an illness -- we *should* consider it more like things like diabetes, because just like diabetes the person suffering cannot simply stop being bipolar and they need treatment.

Sounds like -- with the down after what seems like mania -- that your hubby is in about the same place as my ex/partner. -- A really good time to set the wheels in motion for recovery. Sounds awful probably, but in a way I was really relieved when my ex/partner hit the depression -- because it's so much less unpredictable than mania and he recognises that things aren't ok at those times.

Tell you what, here's progress for you: I mentioned the book I was reading on bipolar to my ex/partner the other day -- I was telling him a few things about what I'd learned about the condition and its treatment, and said I'd been doing some research and had this book (The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide). I said he was welcome to read it -- that it might help him work out for himself if he felt he was bipolar or not and/or help him with understanding what he's dealing with. I didn't go on about it -- made some joke about my obsessive researching probably meaning I had ocd to minimise his unease with the fact that I'd got the book (which he said did make him feel a bit "nervous") -- no offence intended to anyone with ocd -- I do that that condition seriously, btw. Anyway, I left it there: said I hadn't quite finished reading it so that he didn't feel under any pressure. Then last night he asked me if I'd finished the book, and, yes, could he have a look at it! Result-a-mundo!!! Might be something you could try??

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


lucyblue
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 8/22/2006 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Rosie,

are we the same person-lol?

i have been voraciously reading up on bipolar and send my husband e-mails throughout the day w/ links for him....and today while strolling w/ him i point out the book An Unquiet Mind that I am currently reading.....and he seemed interested.

well, today i asked him if he had thought of going to see a doctor and thankfully he said yes. He goes to group tomorrow and says he intends to find out who's a good doc to see in our city.

I know that we can't really move forward to fixing our marriage until the bipolar issue is addressed.....I am guardedly hopeful that his acknowledgement that he needs to see a doc is at least a step in the right direction.

domaincat
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/23/2006 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Well sorry to say you surely can't make him go see a psychiatrist or any doctor for that matter, if he is not ready or willing to do so.  Unless of course that person is a danger to himself/herself or others, then you can call the police and have them decide whether they need to be sent to the hospital or not.  It costs quite a bit of money to have a psych eval, and the psychiatrists do have a psych eval at the first visit as far as I understand.  And then the other visits aren't too cheap either, at least not at first.  It's good if you have health insurance that will cover this of course. 
 
Only a psychiatrist or psychologist can really diagnose him as whether he has Bipolar or some other illness.  We can only guess here as we are not doctors.  It is very hard at first when the person becomes sick, as they don't know what is happening to them or what is wrong with them, and yet they may know something is indeed wrong.  They don't always know what to do or where to go.  Bipolar is treatable, however, there is no real cure at this time. 
 
Besides, there are other things that may help Bipolar such as vitamins and the correct nutrition.  Sunshine is a huge help to most.  Darkness is bad.  Omega 3's (Fish Oil) is supposed to help some mental illnesses.  Check out other preventive medicines. 
 
Remember yes it is a chemical imbalance in the brain and it is indeed a medical condition.  Many people have it, you'd be quite surprised. 
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 09, 2016 12:48 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,199 posts in 301,283 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151386 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Kier.
192 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Girlie, ChickNorris, Sb77


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer