My Mind is on Fire!

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Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/25/2006 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I think I have Bi-Polar.
I've thought it for years.
I saw a doctor about it once, but they said I couldn't possible be depressed and manic at the same time, or flit between the two in such a short amount of time, so I couldn't have it.

But I think that's rubbish.

Mania isn't necessarily happiness.

The only way I can explain what I feel is by referring people to the classic artistic temperement.
I'm an artist.
I get absolutely mad manic periods where I HAVE to do something artistic.
But I try to do everything at once, and I can't concentrate on one thing, and I'm a complete perfectionist, so nothing I do is anywhere near good enough, and it drives me crazy.
During these phases, I can be happy, or sad. I write classical music, and there's no way anyone who really understands music can say it's all happy!
I write beautifully sad music that makes people cry. I do that when I'm manic as much as writing happy music, in fact much more. I'm much better with sad music.
So I can be manic and sad at the same time.
It's not the same as the depression, it's more like melancholy.
I don't know how else to explain it.

My depression is really, really bad as well. Though right now I'm manic as all hell and all thoughts of suicide and giving up have vanished, which is pretty helpful, though I think I'll crash when this passes.

I checked some online tests for bi-polar and every single one said I am.
But that doctor said I can't be.
But I don't believe her.
It doesn't help that she thought I wasn't even depressed cos I just know what to say to people about that kind of thing.
I don't tell them the truth.
It's not actively lying, my subconscious just comes out with stuff that makes me look normal.
I don't even know how to stop it.

My Mum's Bi-Polar too, and I think it goes in families.

I can't even think straight enough right now; my grasp of the language has vanished, I'm talking like I'm 5 years old, rather than like normal.

Nicola
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/25/2006 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nicola,

From my understanding, you could well be bipolar with mixed episodes -- a specific type of bipolar and if your doc hasn't considered that maybe he/she doesn't know much about bipolar. -- I think you need to see a specialist and get a second opinion. Yes, bipolar has a strong genetic tenbdency.

That said, you *cannot* expect a doc to be a mind reader: if you're not telling the truth, they cannot make an accurate diagnosis. If you think you will do this *at all*, the you need to write down everything you're really feeling in advance and hand that to your doc at the outset, along with a note that explains what you've said here: that way you're protecting yourself from leaving the doc with a skewed picture of what you're dealing with and ensuring that your diagnosis is based on a truthful account.

I'm really glad you have your music. -- Yes, people with bipolar are often very talented. Keep it up -- even the sad music -- a wonderful outlet, and I'm sure it has helped you over the years more than you realise.

Take care hun,

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/25/2006 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Nicola
Have you seen a pdoc of a GP? GP's often think of mania in the classic style with high's and lows that last for months. Many don't understand the concept of mixed episodes or of rapid or ultra rapid cycling bipolar. Make sure you are seen by a psychiatrist.
Writing everything down as Rosie said is important as well. Especially if you find the need to downplay symptoms when the moment of truth arrives. And you're correct, mania isn't necessarily happiness, it can be the euphoria that everyone thinks of, and often is at the beginning of an episode, but that quickly disolves into agitation and irritation. Even rage.
I agree, you should be evaluated again.
Take care hon
I hope you find the answers you seek
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 
 


Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm in the UK, we can't just go and see psych docs. We have to go through our GP.

I'm changing GP in about a month and a half, I've coped all my life with this, so I hope I can cope til then!
I've got SO much to talk to them about that my current GP won't do anything about. I'll add this to the list.

I'm worried, though, that going in with so much to talk about and adding depression to that will just end up with the old 'oh it's all in your head' problem.
I hate it when doctors do that!
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Djonma,

I'm in the UK too! -- Yes, know how hard it can be to get referred, but as you know some docs are worse at batting people off than others. Go into your new doc fully equipped with list and stress that you require that they refer you. Oh and also, when you are selecting your new doc, ring around and ask different surgeries if any of their doctors have particular experience and/or specialism in treating people with depressive illnesses. Many docs do have special focuses, it's just we don't know about them most of the time (e.g. my ex's specialism was in hernias would you believe!?!) It took me a while to find her, but I now have a great doc and that makes such a difference.

All best to you,
Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm going to be pretty much stuck with the University Health Centre unfortunately, Rosie. But I've heard good things about them.
Also, I need someone who has experience of treating someone with a lot of different things, so I might be able to get someone good with depression, but bad with my fibromyalgia, or something like that.
Fortunately I think all Uni Doctors have a good idea of depression and how to treat it simply because there are thousands of students having to cope with stress for their course.
Hopefully that'll stand me in good stead!
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Djonma,

I work at a uni, and, yes, uni health centres will have a *lot* of experience dealing with depression! Having said that, most uni health centres are only meant as a back up to your regular GP and advise that you should register with a GP too. It may be different with your uni, but that's how it's been with the 4 unis I've studied at and worked at. I'd really advise you do register with a new GP aside from the health centre if that's an option or what's encouraged -- apart from anything else, that gives you more resources for helping you deal with this.

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
From what I can gather the health centre at my Uni is a full Gp's surgery, just that you have to be at the uni to register. If it is just a backup, I'll have to find another GP, cos the closest one is my previous GP and they were terrible!
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Djonma,

Might be a different system there -- who knows, unis are funny old places and there's not always consistency from one place to the next! I'd just check with them if I were you -- be on the safe side. And if it's only a back-up, do look around for a new GP: bad ones are so demoralising!!

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/25/2006 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm really fed up of bad ones now. My whole life has been one bad doctor to another.
It's been awful!
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/25/2006 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I know that feeling hun! I had a run of rubbish docs and then found one that was *great* when I was doing my MA in Manchester. Then I had to move house and was no longer in the catchment area -- thought the universe would fall apart!!! My next doc was less personable, and just sat there like a slug and told me exercise would fix everything (even though I was very fit then!!), but fortunately there was another doc at the practice that I saw one day when "my" doc wasn't available and he was great -- so I just made appointments with him from that point! I've been very luck down here in Portsmouth to have got a recommendadtion from someone I work with, and I now feel like I'm on a roll with good doctors -- quite a shock to the system when a few months ago I took my chances and booked the earliest appointment I could get but with another doc at my current practice ... he was a moron! Really just telling you this because it shows what a difference a good doc can make -- and proves that they *are* out there.

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/25/2006 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Oddly enough the best doctor (actually rheumatologist) I ever had was in Manchester!
It must be something about the air :-)

I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed now that the ones at Uni will be good! I'll take them a whole list of stuff I need sorting out and see how it goes.
I guess if they don't sort it out, I'll have to find another doctor straight away.

I hate doctors now though. They're so useless!
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!

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