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harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/27/2006 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
  confused
 I'm 18 yrs. and I've been having a hard time.  I haven't been diagnosed for bp but I feel I have it.  I've told my mom that somethings not right and she says she'll get me an appointment but it always  will and never does.  She's going through depression and is seeking help so I understand.  But it's frustrating.  I signed up for college all by myself but can't find a psych TT - TT I'm having a hard time with my girlfriend...pushing her away, when I don't want too. I get so jealous even when were among our friends. I feel she only hangs out with me when theres no one else.  She says when i'm in my moods she doesn't know what to do so she just leaves me alone.  But that's when I need her the most. I just want a hug. I can't concentrate.  I have a lot of questions just no way of asking.
1. How do I find a pysch or someone to see or to avaluate me. (I'm in my lows now and don't want them to see just that. I have highs as well.)
2. Should I take a break from my friends...I don't want too...but i haven't been able to control my behavior.  I get so irritated and moody...so i imagine i'm not fun to hang around.
That's it...i'm sorry if it's confusing but I've been holding in a lot of stuff and I just can't pick what too say.
 it feels a little better letting it out ^ - ^ sorry so long. sad
Thanks very much,
 Kimberly

rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/27/2006 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Can I just call you KaK?
If you can afford it I would go to a psychiatric doctor preferably who has a PHD. They can ask certain questions, Have you comeplete a few tasks and tests and usually diagnose you right away. They can also presribe medicine or therapy or both. An example. I had been going to the VA for bipolar for 2 years. My doctor was on vacation and I saw a private shrink as I described. He had me diagnosed in 15 minutes and now has me on medication that works wonders. I did cost for 2 visits at $250 each and was well worth it.



It's not what happens that is a problem. It is how we react to it that is..... My counselor.

harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/27/2006 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Yup you can call me KaK!
Thank you for the advice...I'll look into it. I agree it doesn't matter the cost if it helps.
^ - ^ It's reasuring to have guidance from people with experiance. Thank you again.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/28/2006 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly,

Welcome to HW! So glad you found us here -- it's a great place for support and advice.

The most important thing right now, as you realise, is to get that evaluation and know whether what you're dealing with is bipolar (and what type) so that you can get prescribed something to help you. I'm not sure where you're based, and different places have different systems. For example, I'm in the UK and you have to get referred to a pdoc through a general doc. But in the USA you can find a pdoc and book yourself in. If you're 18, you could do this yourself, I think? (Or do you have to be older where you are?) If your mum's depressed it may be hard for her to do this for you. As Rybird said, you want to find a pdoc with good qualifications (in psychiatry so that he/she can prescribe meds) and preferably someone with a history of working with bipolar patients. You can ring around and ask places about this -- much better to know this stuff up front (and easier to find it out in the "prospective patient" capacity that when you're sitting in the pdoc's office, when you may feel uneasy raising questions about their qualifications!).

Do remember that, though your pdoc may see you first in one of your lows, the evaluation process will uncover information about your highs too -- so don't feel that you're only giving half the picture: you will always be seen in one or other mode (or sometimes in an inbetween or normal one) and the process is designed to allow for that.

about your friends... I think you need people around you, though I know that having that feeling of "I should go away because I'm no good to be around" is common and easy to give in to. You could probably do with explaining to a couple of close frineds and your girlfriend what you are going through -- and also what you hope they can help with (like hugs rather than "help", which you know you have to get professionally). You'll probably be surprised at how willing your friends are to be there for you -- not to mention how relieved they are to kow what's up and to be given an insight into what they can do to make things easier for you.

Keep posting here Kimberly hun, and let us know how you get on.

Best,
Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/28/2006 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rosie,
Thank you very much for the welcome, it means a lot to me.
There are a lot of nice people here that care!

(Wow!!! the UK ^ - ^. ) I hope to go there someday...also to Japan!!!!!! I just had to add that.
I live in the U.S. I think you just have to be 18 to check yourself in. I was able to get a few pdoc numbers today and am going to call them tomorrow to see if I could get an evaluation. Is there any certain things I should ask when I talk to them? I'm not sure what to do...

With my friends I've been busy with college so I have little time to think of the negative "my friends don't like me." but thankfully I have good friends that want me to visit them. I just have a hard time telling them I'm not feeling good...though I know it's not good to just run away (hide) from them. I don't want them to think different of me, I guess.

Thanks again for the help!
~Kimberly

P.s. I like the name(?) counterclockwise

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/29/2006 4:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly,

Good for you -- these are all really positive steps!!!

Ok, now for what you need to ask when you all about pdocs. Call a few, to begin with -- you'll get through to secretaries most likely, which will make asking questions that much easier (and you can also tell them that a friend told you to ask these questions if that helps take the pressure off!). What you want to know is are they psychiatrists (rather than psychologists, who can't prescribe meds); how long have they been practising; when and where did they qualify; do they have a history of dealing with patients with mood disorders; do they have experience of dealing with patients with bipolar; what is the approximate age range of their patients; how long would you have to wait for an appointment. The secretary may not be able to answer *all* of these questions, but you should get a fairly good idea from this as to whether or not this pdoc would be suitable. Also, if there are questions left unanswered that you want to know, ask the person to call you back with this info. You have a *right* to know this stuff: you'd be paying for this person to treat you and therefore you want to know that they are the best person for the job. When you've got all the info from each place, say thank you, that you are very pleased to have this info and that you will call them back once you've talked to a couple of other places if you decide to go ahead. Once you've spoken to all the different places, decide which you think will work best for you and call them back to book an appointment.

Hopefully this will mean that the majority of your questions are answered before you arrive for your first appointment, so that the pdoc can use all the time then (which you pay for!) to ask you questions and work on a diagnosis. Oh, and don't throw the details of other places away either. -- Should the worst happen and the first choice pdoc not work out for you, you will have a head start in finding another one (should be less likely to happen if you have all this info up front, but worth being on the safe side!).

Now, about your friends... Do you *want* to tell them you're not feeling good and just don't know how to do it? Chances are that they actually spotted something's up, and are just confused as to what it is! You might try writing a note or two to a could of them that says a little bit about what's been going on (only what you're comfortable having them know), and stresses that you really are trying to get help with this and that you don't want to lose their friendship. I'm a great one for writing notes when I don't know how to broach a subject and think I'll get all twisted up trying to explain. Notes you can work on and have them say exactly what you want them to say.

You are doing the right things Kimberly and should be really proud of yourself for the steps you're taking.

Rosie x

P.S. Glad you like the name! -- I chose it because I may not go about things in the traditional order, but I tend to cover all the same points somehow or other! Why did you chose yours? What does it mean? -- Is there a Japan connection?
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/29/2006 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly and welcome.  You have found some fast friends here who have a lot of experience and good advice.  The only thing I can add is to start writing down your feelings before you see the doc.  I know when I get to a dr office I forget what I wanted to say!.  Just jot down what your highs and lows are like and how its affecting your relationships.  Good luck and stay in touch.  Luv...Lazy

harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/30/2006 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
 
   Yesterday I made an appointment for october 23rd. I didn't really like that I had to wait but thought I would be o.k.   But I had a rough night and didn't want to wait. Sooo I tried again and found another place.  I'm glad I went I have an appointment next week and I felt really comfurtable at the place.  It was relaxing not like the other place.  Plus the lady behind the desk was very nice and helped me out. So I'm tongue happy.
 
   Thank you very much Rosie for all the help...I had more confidence (though still little) to call around.
   :D I forgot what I wanted to say.
 
  Hi Lazy,
 I'll definatly do that.  That's really good advice.  I even forgot why I was there when I was signing in...I never can really remember the bad things. - _ -` I sorta just zone out. 
 Thank you so much!!!!!!

P.s. Very unique way of putting counterclockwise it makes since. ^ - ^

Yup a japanese theme name. Kimiko is my nickname from one of my friends that stuck...it also means noble child. Then I chosed haruka because it means far off. I look far off into the future as a noble child but at times get lost to the present. ------> The theme was in my head but was harder to write out. ^ - ^

~kimberly


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/30/2006 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh I'm *so* pleased you found that earlier appointment -- and somewhere you feel comfortable -- makes a *huge* difference that too.

We'll be cheering you all the way hun :)

That's a lovely choice of name -- I really like hearing why people chose the names they did. You described it very well.

Hugs to you.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

********************
 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/30/2006 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I like hearing the meaning of names too. It's amazing how or why people choose the names they do.

Thanks...I'm really good at making things have reasons, even when I'm not 100% sure about the subject.

I'm glad I found this forum, it helps seeing others have similar feelings...it makes me feel not so alone and understand more (others have a way of writing out their feelings that it makes a little more since.)

Have a good day!!!

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/31/2006 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hope you're doing well today noble child!

Hope you never have to feel so alone again.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/31/2006 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
You made me giggle, you have a great personality!
Congratulations on forum moderator....what does it mean?

I was just really tired today...hard time concentrating in class :P
I read the assigned reading twice but still couldn't remember what I read...so frustrating, so the teacher is thinking about a pop quiz on the reading because no one really knew what the answers were. augh I'll try harder to remember next time.

I hope loneliness doesn't creep back in too but now I have a place to go if I ever feel cornered. Gives a since of ease to the mind.

How are you doing? Hopefully well.

~Kimberly

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/1/2006 3:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello my noble Kimberly,

Thank you -- what a lovely thing to say. -- I'm glad you giggled: life needs a giggle once in a while! You're a little ray of sunshine hun -- for all you've been so low, your posts brighten my day. :)

Being a moderator here is really about helping people who post to feel comfortable and included, and helping people find their way around a new site. We also keep away "spam" posts (e.g. selling something) so that the forum remains as it is -- a place for people to find a community based on experience and personal interactions. Means I have extra editing privileges -- but we don't have to use them very often! Mostly I just do what I've always done here -- but sometimes there's an announcement to make or something like that.

I know it can be really hard concentrating at times -- I get that with my depression. It helps to try to break down reading -- a paragraph or two at a time -- and make a couple of notes or questions for each section. That said, it sounds to me like oyu weren't the only one struggling with that reading (you said no-one really knew the answers).

I'm really glad you've more of a sense of ease now -- makes all the difference, doesn't it? I know that coming here did that for me and I always hope that people coming here will find that relief. -- Helps restore your faith in humanity, this site -- so many people wanting to help!

I'm doing good today -- thanks for asking :) Had a very "nervous" night trying to get to sleep, but it's calmed down now!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 9/1/2006 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly:  I know about the brain fog and reading and rereading paragraphs.  When I was in school the thing that helped me most was taping myself reading and/or just going through important points.  I would listen anytime I had a few minutes.  It got me through nursing school and that was a tough course.  Good luck and stay in touch..Luv...Lazy

harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/1/2006 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Howdy Rosie,

I get it now. Sounds like an important role. I've seen a lot of posts from you and others, and it's so amazing everyone responding to eachothers post. :D hehehe sun shine...I have my moments. :D

Just a funny thing today:
Good news, I took my driving test today and passed! I was very nervous...but at the end when she said "you passed." I was so happy and relieved I forgot to put the parking break on, our car is a manual...so if it's not in gear or the break isn't on pretty good chance it will roll away, and that's what it did when the instructor started to leave the vehicle...it started rolling backwards > _ <. I did a quick "oops" with a half smile and thinking in my head...you can't take back the passing part right?. Hehehehe I like having aquird moments, it gives me a chance to tell a fun story.

Thank you for the study tips, I'll definatly try them. I highlight important ideas while I read but sidenotes would help too.

I'm sorry you had a nervous night but glad it calmed down. What do you do to ease your mind? I put on all the lights, scared of the dark at times, and grab a book or put in a cute dvd.
Hope you have a good night!

~Kimberly

harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/1/2006 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi lazy (I love your name too)

I'm glad you read my posts. I wasn't sure if I should keep posting here...(when is it necessary to make a new topic? I'm knew to this forum thing.)

I'll definatly try your way too. I do have a recorder somewhere I'm sure I could find. I think it would help to hear it as well as read it. I bet nursing was a tough course, I'm happy you stuck with it and didn't give up! It's a real accomplishment to do.
~Kimberly

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/2/2006 1:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Morning noble Kimberly (well, it's morning here in the UK anyway!),

I only became a mod in the last week -- Ellie's been doing it for much longer and is the real mod genius in these parts! You're doing great with your posting -- more than you realise, I think. You can make a new topic at any time: it's handy to keep all the stuff on roughly the same thing in the same thread, but I know what you mean, it's hard to tell at times where one thing ends and another starts. My first posts on this board were all part of one thread and that went on for ages and got unwieldy -- but all my thoughts were so bunched together that I didn't feel I could break them down -- and it didn't occur to me until Ellie set up a part 2 thread (what's done when a thread reaches about 50 posts) that I *could* by then break things down into smaller parts. So really it's what you feel comfortable with at the time, hun: sometimes it feels "safer" going back to an ongoing thread and sometimes you know you've got a new question. It's all good! :)

Love your driving test story! -- I was doing great on my first driving test, but was so relieved to get back to the road the test centre was on that I didn't check properly before I turned and almost went straight into the back of a van! (Needless to say, I failed like a good 'un! -- but got it on the next go so all ok!)

I'm pretty bad at calming myself down from nerves at night -- get overly frustrated from being overtired and panicking about the fact that I'm supposed to wake up fresh in a few hours! When I'm sensible I just get up again and watch something on the tv or come and read around here. -- There are some funny threads on the anxiety-panic boards that help me put things into perspective. (In fact, I'm thinking about starting up some more lighthearted stuff here to help give us a bit of a laugh as well as show us that everyone's dealing with similar things: have a look at the Happy Threads, and "You know you've got panic disorder when..." guys and tell me what you think, if you're interested.) This morning I woke up too early with butterflies and just decided it was silly to lie there and tie myself up; so I got up and started doing stuff and they've calmed down a bit now. I had actually been having spider dreams and I'm arachaphobic, so on reflection I've decided that the butterflies came to save me and feel much better about them now!! :)

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/3/2006 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Rosie!

I've seen a lot of post from Ellie too. She's very good and has a lot of advice and input to others.

Oh my goodness, you should of got points for not hitting the van :D I'm happy you got it the next time!
I bet theres a lot of driving stories out there similar, cause the nerves get to people (I don't know why we get so nervous). I did a bad job parrallel parking too. I had to go forward then back then forward then back then forward like out of a comedy...it seemed I did it for ever.

I like the idea of a funny thread or something to cheer people up! It's good to laugh. I'll check out the ones you mentioned.

Butterflies are a lot nicer then spiders. I love the white butterflies the most, they seem so unique. It's a good thing you got up and started to do things. I have really bad nightmares at times. :( there no fun. One was about a mean german shephard dog (that looked a little like my puppy) going after me. When I woke up, I thought the dog was in the house and so I stayed in my room. It took about four hours to calm down and relize the mean dog wasn't there.

Today mom's taking me to see Monster House, I hope it's as good as I think it is. :D
:P Another long one from ~kimberly

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/3/2006 12:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly,

Oh, believe me, I *would* have hit the van ... if it hadn't been for the fact that the examiner had a break pedal his side too!! lol

I know I shouldn't laugh, but your description of the "mean german shepherd" that looked like your puppy made me giggle. Way to make you look at your puppy in a different light! When I was little I was *always* having dreams about being chased by a wolf (a la Little Red Riding Hood!). Mind you, I also used to believe that they lived in between my cupboard and my wall! (There was a gap of less than about 5cm -- used to make me *really* anxious -- was so relieved when mum and dad got me fitted furniture!)

Hope you have/had a great time watching Monster House. -- Good for you for getting out and having a bit of fun. -- I wish you more of it!!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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