Feel like I'm losing it!

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lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/28/2006 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.  I'm trying real hard to hold myself together, just can't quite do it.  No particular reason except for life stresses.  Seems like I'll be ok for a while, then I can't handle even the slightest off day.  I just feel like I'm spinning out of control.  I get soo angry at the least little thing that I really should be just annoyed at.  I tried to talk to my husband and he said "You'll feel better when you go to work tomorrow."!!!  I don't think I can function at work tomorrow and right now I don't think I can function at anything for the rest of my life.  Will probably call my psych doc tomorrow but for now I feel hopeless.  Any support you can give me is appreciated.

rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/28/2006 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   
You will be getting some responses.
I do know what that is like. I get so hyper and anxious I can't settle down.. I was on risperadone for a while for cursing at my father for no other reason than irritability.
Right now I amd listening to music.

Music sooths the savage beast.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/28/2006 4:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Lazy, you've been so supportive towards me (and so many others here), and it really pains me that you're struggling at the moment. Wish I could give you a big hug. Your hubby can't have realised how bad this has got for you or I'm sure he'd absolutely kick himself for that insensitive comment. Do you think taking the day off tomorrow would help? If so, do it -- please!

Do call your pdoc tomorrow too. Sounds like you need some extra help at the moment and he/she will be able to do that for you.

Anger is a common bipolar symptom so please try not to beat yourself up about that too. Talk to us here -- let anything out that you want to or can. Is there anything you have as a kind of back up for yourself when this sets in? Do baths help? Little things like that that you can do fairly easily? Sorry if that idea just seems silly -- I know it won't make everything better, just trying to think of small things that might ease things a bit for you until you can get help from your pdoc.

Keep posting -- (((Lazy)))

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
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Mooney123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 8/28/2006 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   

i just came on to write to tell you that i feel the same way. my world feels very small. i sometimes wonder if depression will ever end and the feeling of hopelessness is agonizing. i just wish that i felt good and emotional and physical pain would go away..

i hope you feel better.


rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/28/2006 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Being willing to ask for and recieve help is essential.
This is an idea that may help.
Try to do something for someone not only asking nothing is return, but without anyone else knowing you did it. An example can be as simple as picking up the neighbors newspaper off the sidewalk and putting it by the door to extremes such as bailing out of jail someone who you believe in. in the same manner.
Someone else suggested it to me. I care for you who are depressed.

harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/28/2006 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Lazy,
(((hug))) (if you don't like hugs then theres a smile too)
Just wanted to say I'm sorry your going through a hard time. I wish I could invent a glue that kept everything together but that seems childish of me. If work gets to much maybe you could take a break from work....go to your favorite spot wherever it may be. Park, cafe, a room...mines my closet. I like the secure feeling of it, I end up reading a good book or just cry. I don't know if that would help....i'm not really great at giving advice. Life can be rough but it does get better. Keep positive and know a lot of people care.
~kimberly~
= ^ - ^ =

Phoelona
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 8/29/2006 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
hello I feel that you should get a support group, that wil be supportive when you are in a crisis at night, or another inopportune time of the day, that understands that you need good supportive communication, until you are able of feeling safe.  You can also call a hotline 24 hours a day for depression 1-800-273-TALK.  I feel that you need to be honest with your Dr as well in order to get the right meds or med changes needed to counteract some of the probolems that you are having.  Learning some coping mechanisms may be in order as well Mary Ellen Copeland has some workbooks that may be helpful in your case, exercise is very beneficial as well.  Take care I hope things get better for you soon.

lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/29/2006 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks to you all for your kind and thoughtful responses.  I cried all night last night and my husband just held me and kept telling me I would be ok.  I planned to stay home from work today but when I got up I felt a little better so I went to work.  Looking back on my day, it was a pretty good day so I fared well.  If it had been a stressful day I would have fallen apart again, so I guess I was just lucky.  I like the idea of helping someone anonymously.  My job is helping others all the time but it certainly isn't anonymous and I get paid for it.  But it does give me satisfaction, even though it is a great burn out. (I am looking for another line of work). I am off this weekend and my daughter and daughter-in-law are taking me to a Toby Keith concert Saturday night.  That will be a great stress relievier I'm sure.  I just need to hang in until then.  I have given myself permissiion to not go to work any day this week that I wake up feeling like I can't handle it.  That is a big step for me since I am so hard on myself when I call in.  Again, thanks to all of you and by the way, I love hugs so give me plenty!!!   Luv....Lazy

lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/29/2006 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I forgot to mention that I did call my pdoc today and he increased my geodon.  I can't jump to large doses so he gave me 20 mg and 40 mg samples so I could go up gradually which is the only way I can tolerate increases to meds.  I feel better just knowing that I'm going to feel better soon.  Thanks...

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/29/2006 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   
This is great news Lazy -- all of it. Knew that hubby would get the support going once he twigged things were really bad. -- I think you probably needed that crying and to be held and reassured. I'm absolutely amazed that you were up to going to work -- but glad you did since it was a good day and that must have helped a bit. I'm also *very* glad that you've given yourself permission to be off if you're not up to it. I'm bad at taking days off myself, and always have to really remind myself that the world will keep spinning on its axis if I do! Sounds like your job must be very rewarding -- but also that it has the potential to take an awful lot out of you at times.

Great that you called your pdoc and that you've got those samples too. -- Yes, I always feel better when I get my meds and know that they'll start me back to better. What with this and your weekend extravaganza, you've got some goods going for you to counteract some of those bads. Here's to the triumph of those goods!!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

********************
 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/30/2006 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lazy,
I'm glad you like hugs :D ((hugs)),
It put me in a good mood to see that your doing better and going to work too! I'm also glad your husband was there for you! I was curious about what type of job you would like to work at? I'm going to community college right now and see so many different types of people there. From different backgrounds, different ages, majors and some lovely accents. It's just so inspiring to see so many people going after their dreams. It makes me try harder. I'm just so happy right now. Have a good day!
~kimberly

lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/30/2006 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly.  Glad you are feeling better.  I'm feeling a little better but I'm so low on the self esteem side right now.  I know things happen to me because of my illness, not because of who I am as a person and I keep trying to reinforce that in my mind.  As for my line of work, I am a nurse with hospice.  I deal with dying people and their families every day.  It can be very rewarding to help someone through such a difficult time but I feel too needy myself right now to continue in this line of work.  Fortunately there are a lot of options in nursing, so I have some choices. I have applied for a job as a marketing manager for a home care company.  It involves some clinical knowledge but other than that is very far away from what I am doing now.  My daughter-in-law is in school to be a cardiovascular tech which she absolutely loves.  It involves skill,technology and knowledge as does nursing.  Just go for what you feel a passion for. 

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/30/2006 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Lazy -- here have some of the esteem I have for you to keep you going for now -- until you get yours back and realise how great you are.

I bet at times your job is *very* draining on you, for all the rewards, and right now I'm so glad that you're looking into options that can go easier on you for a while. You can always go back to the hospice work at a later date too if you want to and feel up to it.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

********************
 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
lazy,
 
you and i haven't shared much on this site, but i have admired your coolness and spot-on responces.  you like hugs?  have a dozen (((((((((((())))))))))).  you have earned every one. 
 
i am dealing with multiple medical problems, from bp to chronic pain to copd (i've been smoking for more years than many of you are years old skull .  we all occationally hate our lives and curse the gods that put us here. this is called being NORMAL.  boring, being normal, isn't it?  look at the bright side:  at least you CAN work.  i haven't been able to work for over 16 years!  and, with a male ego and overachiever, my work was my life and my life was my work.  when suddenly, painfully, i was no longer able to work, i really had a hard time.  what i'm trying to say is that freedom is the ability to exercise options.  lazy, you are very free.  you have a caring husband and a very marketable skill.  you are truely blessed.
 
the depression isn't personal, you know that.  it's a symptom of the disease.  medication and determination will handle the symptoms.  i believe in you, lazy.  you are a truely remarkable woman.
 
warren

lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/31/2006 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Warren:  I read your response and cried.  Thank you so much for just being there and for your kind words.  You are so right..feeling sorry for myself doesn't do me any good.  I hate it when I get like that, but it seems like it spins out of control.  And thanks for all the hugs, I feel every one of them..Luv...Lazy
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