HELP, OUT OF CONTROL TEEN

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A.F.MomDiane
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/31/2006 1:27 AM (GMT 0)   
I have a 17 year old Bipolar son, Matt, who refuses to take his meds on a regular basis. He runs away and I have no power to stop him or ground him. This morning I was awakened by a cop at my bedroom door.

How do you deal with a teen like this????
He has no friends anymore, he was kicked out of school, and all of his "teen toys" are gone. (he lost them or gave them away) When I try to ground him he runs off! Of course I can't physically restrain him...He's not violent, just defiant and stubborn as well as over the top emotional!!!

I'm so angry and so afraid and so frustrated all at the same time! I'm a single mom and I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I LOVE him...

We had an appointment with a new Psychiatrist but Matt skipped town. I thought that he might respond to a man better.

I feel like my only option is to pray. I hear that they can't even make him take meds in a hospital setting. I called and asked...that was very disheartening.

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

harukakimiko
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/30/2006 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
 Hello Diane,
 I'm not wise in this and I'm only 18 but I can give support and a lot of hugs, in fact i've been giving a lot of hugs today.  I'm truly sorry you and your son are going through this and I understand the single parenting. My mom raised me and my brother alone.  It was hard and is still hard for us at times.  There are a lot of great people here that will have answers.  I just wanted to let you know are hearts go out to you. I'm so relieved Matt isn't violent towards you.  He's just having a hard time controlling his emotions.  He's very lucky to have you as a mother who loves him so much.
 
Don't loose faith good things will come!
 
Does he tell you why he doesn't like to take medicine?  Any side affects? There must be something for him to run away from.
 
 ~Kimberly

A.F.MomDiane
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/30/2006 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
He takes the Lithium only and only about 1 pill every 3 to 4 days if that. He gets VERY dramatic in pointing out the side effects and yells "Is this what you want!!! You want to drug me up!! Are you happy???" The school Psychologist called him the "drama King who puts the current drama queens to shame!" When he was not ill he was Junior class president and active in Drama class at a private school. they asked him not to come back. He lasted 3 days in public school...Currently I am trying to get him into Special Ed...LONG tedious process.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/30/2006 7:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm surprised they won't make him take med's in a hospital setting, He's still a minor. If he get's into trouble you're financially liable for any mess he makes, but they won't allow you to control him. I had this same problem when my daughter ran off at the same age. I was told they wouldn't make her come home but if she stole a car or caused property damage (didn't do any of this, just examples) I would be liable for her mistakes because she was a minor. Hmmm, they take away our control, and then when the kids get into trouble they ask "why didn't you make him/her stop?" Really burns my butt. True cr*p if you ask me.
I wish you luck.
Take Care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 
 


A.F.MomDiane
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/31/2006 1:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, I know what you mean! It's like my dad used to say to me "Just don't 'allow' him to do this or that". As if it were that simple. Then I'm like, Gez dad, why didn't I think of that...Dahhhh!

Sigh, today Matt went to the park. I couldn't stop him he's bigger than me and I'm not supposed to yell at him. I didn't want him to go at all!! but he'd go anyway so I told him I'd pick him up at 12:30 for lunch...I went and he wasn't there. I looked all over for him, drove all over looking! I finally located him at a teen center. I was mad but in control of myself. I told him I was't giving him a ride home, he'd have to walk as a consequence for his actions.

The center closed at 8pm and is about 2 and 1/2 miles from our house...I haven't seen him since. It's now almost 2am...

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/31/2006 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Diane,

I really hope your son is back by now -- if he's not, it's almost certainly that he's trying to make you worry as payback for you taking a stand and refusing that lift home. Do you have anyone around who understands and could be with you when to try to talk to your son? (From what you said about the psych, it might be better if this is a man -- preferably one bigger than him!!) Can you also get together some reading material for him on bipolar? He clearly doesn't understand what this condition really means and why the meds are so important. He's playing out -- probably fear causing denial, mixed in with teenage rebellion.

When he acts up with you, please remove yourself from the situation -- try to contain your anger till you're away from him, as anger can feed both bipolar and teenage rebellion (he's getting attention and he is testing you). Remember that this is an illness and not personal, and tell him as calmly as you can that you are happy to talk to him, but not while he's like this -- that you will talk to him and help him with lifts when he's calmed down, but not till then.

It's so hard for you to watch this, I know. -- My bipolar ex/partner has done a *lot* of acting out. At first I felt desperate, but researching the condition has allowed me to step back and remove myself from the situation when he gets like this ... which, in turn, has calmed things down significantly.

Do keep us posted on this. -- We're here to support you.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/31/2006 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
He's at a friend's, for sure. Punishing you because you wouldn't cater to him. Making you worry.
Sometimes praying is all to do. My oldest put me through much, and one night, after she borrowed my car that she swore she'd have back by 10;00pm, (that had all the diapers I had left in the diaper bag in the back seat) she once again didn't come home at all. She was an all or nothing kind of kid. If she was five minutes late I knew she wouldn't come home at all. I finally just said "God, it's up to you now. I've done all I can" and that night instead of pacing the floors, worried out of my mind, I took my baby, (with his butt swaddled in a kitchen towel, since I had no diapers and no car) and went to bed.
All the best to you hon. I have four kids still at home. I'm going to get to deal with the terrible teens again as well. My 14 year old daughter is already surly and difficult, but alas, that appears to be a normal stage. After what the oldest two did to me ( they are now 24 and 21) I keep this one on a much shorter leash. I've learned from my mistakes.
Praying for you
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 
 


A.F.MomDiane
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/31/2006 9:49 AM (GMT -7)   
My Ex drove in from Tucson (we're in San Diego) last night so I won't be all alone. I have plenty of family around but they're not sleeping on the couch right next to the front door, Matt's gonna have to get past his dad now to leave.

Matt got home at 2am last night and casually walked thru the door. No explaination about where he'd been, no expression. He just said he walked home like I told him he had to do and that was that. He seemed a little surprised that we were concerned! Very weird behavior as if he literally "lost" those hours.

Having Dad here will help, I guess. I'm not too thrilled about that nor is the Psychologist, long story. BUT I gotta do what I gotta do! Dad is Schozphrenic who DOES take meds and is pretty much normal because of it. I need an extra set of eyes and ears and although he will be annoying he will also be a HUGE help who genuinely wants to help. No, neither of us can afford a hotel for him. No, my family will not put him up because of all the past. Yes, I'm "playing with fire" but his dad and I basically get along, knock on wood.

This morning Matt woke up agitated and cranky. (sorry no spellcheck on this) He was tired and looking for a verbal fight but didn't find one since I was here typing this. All 3 of us are going to the Psychologist today.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/31/2006 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for you for calling in reinforcements. My ex always stays with me when he's in town as well. Not always comfy but he camps on the couch and he treats all my kids like they're his so it works.
Even though there is evidence of some stress between you and your ex, a united front might make the difference. You obviously can't control a near-man, who's bigger and stronger than you on your own. It's good to see a father taking some responsibility. My ex does too but many don't.
Hope all goes well with the psychologist today
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Unknown
 
 
 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/31/2006 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
This is excellent news -- your family may not be able to put your ex up because of the past but I'm glad that you can see how helpful it is to have him around to help you with your son, whatever the past. You are acting entirely responsibly -- bot you and your ex. I'm glad for both you and Ellie that your exes know how to be decent fathers -- especially when the **** hits the fan!!!

Do you think your son might do any drugs in addition to bipolar? I know bp can make you feel out of it and stuff, but it's a thought that I suppose we can't help having these days... sadly.

I really hope the session with the psychologist was productive today -- even if your son was uncommunicative, this is good for the psychologist to see. Does he have a psychiatrist too -- for prescribing meds?

Hugs to you Diane.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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