i need input. am i really bp?

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wmnak
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   Posted 9/11/2006 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
i need help (i know, most of you would recommend me to a good shrink) :-) .  seriously, i would like your input.
 
i have read several articles about bp and, of course, almost every thread in this forum on bp.  one pdoc originally diagnosed me as schizophrenic, then schizoaffective.  neither of these dxs seemed to explain the behavior, so i went to my psychologist and together we went over the dsm and found that bp was a better diagnosis than schizoaffective.  i recently went to another pdoc.  after a lengthy intake inverview he dxed me as bp.
 
i am depressed a lot of the time and have a history of attempted suicide.  but i don't ever get manic.  i do obcess a lot and am known to dig into something (like reading or fixing a lamp) like a dog with a bone.  but these are issue-related.  i never become frantic and i usually complete tasks that i begin (beginning tasks is another story).  i get angry and verbally abusive.  when i was much younger (over 40 yrs ago) i was known to be more physical with my anger.  also, at night i often have trouble sleeping because of racing thoughts.
 
i think that pretty well sums my situation.  thanks for your help.
 
warren

CounterClockwise
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   Posted 9/12/2006 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren,

The thing with bp, as I know you're aware, is that the generally cited depression+mania equation doesn't cover all the possible permutations. There are hypomanias, where you get the racing thoughts and the energy, but less extremely than you get with fullblown mania, and therefore harder to recognise and easier to dismiss. And both manias and hypomanias can be euphoric, but 40% of all sufferers never get that sense of well-being -- their manias are dysphoric.

Has something happened to make you question this diagnosis, or is it an ongoing concern? I know it must be difficult -- wondering what is an illness, what is an issue, and what is personality. I struggle with this even with my depression, and that's less confusing by a long shot!

I know you started seeing a new pdoc recently. Did you keep going or dis you find a new one. Has a question been raised over your diagnosis? When you and your psychologist went over the DSM criteria, you were pretty sure, right? Something's changed and I'm not sure what. Do you know what it was?

Best, as ever,

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Littleman
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   Posted 9/12/2006 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
HI,
 
Have you looked into some of the criteria for Dissociate Disorder....this is more common than most people think.
Take a look ... it might help...

2tall
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Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 186
   Posted 9/12/2006 5:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren,
    I can relate....what, if any, medications are you currently taking?
Becky Lynne~
    2tall~
****************************************
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    Coincidence:  when God chooses to remain
    anonymous...
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wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/12/2006 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
what a blessing this forum is!  i am unbelieveably fortunate to have you.  may god smile on you for helping me.
 
rosie, i do an ongoing analysis of everything.  i consider our cars, where we live, the state of our house, our flatware, our cat, -- you get the picture.  when i was able to work, this constant evaluation helped lead to some of the most awesome (with every meaning of that word) you could imagine (in some of your worst nightmares).  now, this constant evaluation just drives me to distraction.
 
nothing happened.  i was just reevaluating the criteria for bp and found that i don't have manic periods or periods of heightened energy.  as a matter of fact, my get up and go got up and went a long time ago.  so no mania (although, as i said, i am obcessive).  there have two manic periods in my life, one in 1970 and one in 1984.  i did a lot of crazy things, spent $ i didn't have and hurt a lot of people, including myself.  but do 2 manic periods in 60 years count as manic for a bp diagnisis?
 
i have chronic debilitating back pain and take darvocet and lortab to control the pain.  over the last several months, the pain meds have pooped out.  for bp i only take lithium carbonate, but this, too, is pooping out.  because of the lithium, i also take a thyroid supplement.
 
i will check out dissociative disorder as soon as i get through here and with my e-mail.  thanks for the input.
 
thank all of you.  i am still stuck.  does any of this make any sence.  rosie, i feel like i am truely certifiable!
 
warren

Phoelona
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 9/12/2006 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Bp is very frustrating when there seems to be a lot of depression and you seem to be constantly depressed. I suggest that you talk to your Dr and tell them that your meds may need adjusting since you may be on the same dose and may have become immune to the dose that you started with in the beginning when you ewere first diagnosed. I think once you get your meds adjusted you will feel a lot better, and be able to feel more active and vibrant. Honesty with your Dr is the utmost importance and feeling better should be the goal between you and your Dr at all times. There may be also support groups as well that may help such as NAMI or DBSA that may be helpful in your area. There are many classes available for consumers with a mental disorders as well as well as Partial Hospitalization programs in which you go to groups daily until you are stable on meds and feel more like yourself. you may be interested in asking your Dr if one is available so that you could be monitored and be in a social arena with others exposed to the same mental disorder so that you dont feel so alone with your own disorder and you may can gain some support and insight for yourself. Have a goiod day and take care.

Phoelona
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 9/12/2006 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Bp is very frustrating when there seems to be a lot of depression and you seem to be constantly depressed. I suggest that you talk to your Dr and tell them that your meds may need adjusting since you may be on the same dose and may have become immune to the dose that you started with in the beginning when you ewere first diagnosed. I think once you get your meds adjusted you will feel a lot better, and be able to feel more active and vibrant. Honesty with your Dr is the utmost importance and feeling better should be the goal between you and your Dr at all times. There may be also support groups as well that may help such as NAMI or DBSA that may be helpful in your area. There are many classes available for consumers with a mental disorders as well as well as Partial Hospitalization programs in which you go to groups daily until you are stable on meds and feel more like yourself. you may be interested in asking your Dr if one is available so that you could be monitored and be in a social arena with others exposed to the same mental disorder so that you dont feel so alone with your own disorder and you may can gain some support and insight for yourself. Have a goiod day and take care.

CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/12/2006 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren -- I love it that you analyse everything -- and hey, much better that than the opposite extreme. I overanalyse and mostly go round in circles. Like with you, great for my job, but a pain in the backside when it comes to life generally. But, as I say, better than no analysis! :)

Well, 2 manic episodes and now none... . What was that I heard someone say?... No such thing as a cure for bipolar?... Really? Yes, Warren m'dear, it still counts. Most bp sufferers have more of one state than the other -- and for the majority of those it's depression (so my reading tells me -- what a "know it" pants I am!). Phoelona is completely right here: meds probably need adjusting (which, again, is not uncommon for bp). The trick is to get you to the point where your meds stop you from having depression *and* manias. Wow, *then* imagine the analysing you can do!!! ;)

I do think it's good that you keep an eye on yourself and always have an eye to the patterns you can see with your condition: your observations could be really helpful for your pdoc to help you bin the depression.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/12/2006 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
hey rosie & phoe,
 
thanks for your support.  rosie, as my best friend in the uk used to say, one swallow doesn't make a summer.  do two?  he**, i don't know. 
 
phoe, you're probably right.  my meds probably need adjusting.  i have become more and more depressed over the past several months.  i get along fine with the mexicans in where we live in tx, but find the evangilicals here in n al a bit much.  i don't fit in anywhere, even with my fellow jews, although the jews are moe accepting of my beliefs than the evangilicals. 
 
maybe i just don't belong here - or anywhere.  when i was working i had a purpose and goals.  i built systems to defend us from an overwhelmingly larger military force.  now i feel like i'm just using up oxygen.
 
sorry to be so down.  my back is also dealing me fits, of course.  i'm afraid to ask what else could go wrong because something surely would.
 
maybe i'll be my nomal wisecracking self later.  i live in hope.
 
warren

lazy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 9/12/2006 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren:  If you've been taking lithium for a while, it may be keeping you at an even keel so you wouldn't necessarily have manic episodes..that means the medication is working.  You could need an antidepressant along with the mood stabilizer, like me.  Good luck and keep analyzing everything...it keeps you on top of your game...Luv...Lazy

wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/13/2006 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
he, all
 
i looked up dissociative behavior on the net.  thanks for the tip.  but, unfortunately, i DO KNOW who and where i am.  depressing. confused
 
my two manic episodes were long ago and far away, much before i was diagnosed with bp and started taking lithium.  i've lived in a state of almost constant depression most of my life.  my manic episodes were in 1970 and 1984.  no correlation to meds.
 
almost all of my life i have been able to see patterns and systems in almost everything.  they somehow "glow" in front of me.  maybe my pdoc's first diagnosis of schizophrenia may be right! tongue   
 
thank all of you for your help in this thread.
 
warren

spooky
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 9/13/2006 9:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Warren(wmnak),
iam a fellow sufferer and i was branded to have BP,three years back when even my P Doc decided i had only one episode of hypo-mania! You know that i have jumped here from the diabetes forum.I too need input from all of you whether iam have BP or iam plain depressed!Any suggestions will be welcome and accepted with gratitude!Warren,we all live in hope,don't we? We two seem to share the back pain too!Iam only in my early 40's and my upper back catches fire if i walk long enough.I was diagnosed to have Scheurman's diease of the thoracic spine recently.so at least now i have a label for my back pain!Ha Ha!

Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/14/2006 12:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hiya Warren!

Sorry I've not commented til now, I was quite bad before going to the docs yesterday, and then I was totally manic all day and doing stuff!

My normal state is depressed, I don't usually get big manic episodes, though looking on it very carefully, I do get small flares - I'll get really obsessed over something and research it for a whole day or two, or get really angry about something, and I just can't let it go for a day or two. I didn't realise that was mania really, but looking at it it must be. Do you get stuff like that?
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/14/2006 2:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,

Welcome to the bp forum Spooky -- glad to have you here!

I wonder if the problem might be with what's constitutes the manias Warren and Spooky have had. Using that word to me it seems like we've already got a bp diagnosis, but could it be that they were something else -- or that manias occur from other conditions? I just don't know enough about this I guess. Time for more research!!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/14/2006 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks, guys.  you are all superstars in my book.  and it's a very small book. :-)
 
spooky, you're too young to have back pain!  pick a more age-appropriate disease, like herpies.  you're in your prime!  (sad, huh?)
 
don't know is the obcession is really mania.  i'll ask the new pdoc next week.  test him out. :-)   
 
djonma, my whole life has been spent doing things like that!  when i was a kid i read the entire encyclopedia britanica just because it interestd me.  not much of a plot, but good science and grreat characters.
 
i am often obscessive.   i once spent over a week researching an interoplation in the bible beacuse it didn't match the rest of the text.  crazy.  and i have been known to spend hours trying to salvage a broken part.
 
rosie, maybe i AM bp and have small manic episodes.  what do i know?  i just inhabit this body.
 
warren

CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/14/2006 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren

I have been diagnosed as a BP2 with rapid cycles. My meds have kept it under control for some time. Had one little swing last week, but doing much better now. I have never had a full mania. Now you could possibly argue that with some of my behavior as a youth.

I have had too many hypomanias. I think about everything and nothing at the same time. I do chemical and math equations over and over in my head. Have problems with rage. Have trouble sleeping, and think I am working brilliantly but get little or nothing done.

Depressions are icky. Won't go into them because they are too depressing. (I giggle each time I say that)

But, my pdoc said that BP is a tricky thing, there is not one set of parameters to define the condition. Just as difficult to define in the condition known as "normal."

Your friend

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/14/2006 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the input, cap.  it really helps.  i don't do equasions (i only got a "c" in math appreciation in college), but when i was able to work i used to put together data handling systems in my head.  same dynamic.
 
i, too, have real problems with rage.  actually rage is an understatement.  tonight i was sweeping the floor and the cat decided that the broom was a toy.  rather than holding the broom back, i let the broom hit him. mad    i don't know why, but i got angry with the cat for him doing what cats do.  usually i would have played with him whith the broom.  but tonight, something just set me off.  i am also often verbally abusive.  a few months ago i went to buy a sunday paper at wal mart.  the cashier - well let's just say that minimum wage was overpayment for her.  at any rate. she asked me what the price of the paper was.  i asked her where she went to school because they failed to give her an education.  and i went on verbally abusing her.  i was out of control in a rage.  i finally paid for the paper and stormed out.
 
not fun for others and definitely not fun for me.
 
i also often have trouble sleeping.  racing thoughts.  i can't even get a handle on what they are.
 
you have my sincere sympathy if your symptoms are anything like mine.
 
your friend,
 
warren

Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/15/2006 1:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Warren, that definitely does sound like BP. It sounds like what I've mostly had up til now; short blowouts and obsessions. Mania doesn't have to be happy high for a long time. I hope you can get it all sorted out!

Nicola
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
Currently waiting to see a consultant to test for Ulcerative Colitis.

No medicines - doctors are useless!


PsychoChronie
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/15/2006 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren.  I jumped over from the Crohn's forum, as I was recently diagnosed with that...yay...but we have been dealing with bipolar disorder in my daughter, who is currently 11 years old.  She was diagnosed 3 years ago this coming October and she is at the other end of the spectrum from you....she is almost always manic.  Very rare, or very short bouts of depression....something else I would like you to consider and ask your psychologist/psychiatrist...intense bouts of anger where you act out physically and reactionally...a type of mania; just not the euphoric kind.  My ex-husband, although never diagnosed....fits that bill. 
 
I agree with inquiring about an antidepressant to take along with your Lithium...just make sure you are having your regular blood draws, as I am sure you are...while you are on Lithium.  My daughter was on a combo of Lithium and Seroquel for 2 years, not stabalizing much...one year ago we did a total med switch to Topomax as the mood stabalizer and Geodon as the atypical antipsychotic....she has been doing so well since and just recently she has been swinging in moods, since the beginning of the school year...she had a big jump from elementary to middle school.  Glad we go to the psychiatrist in 2 weeks! 
 
Don't discount bipolar....a majority of those diagnosed with bipolar disorders have schizophrenic-type thoughts (hense the atypical antipsychotic medications in addition to the mood stabalizers).  I call these type of thoughts Automatic Thought Distortions.  Just keep digging and learning...knowledge is the key!
 
Best of luck!

CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/15/2006 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Counselor,

Welcome to the bp boards -- great to have you here -- and great advice and information! I'm glad that the big med change had the desired effect. As I'm sure you know, though, life changes like moving schools can be *big* triggers for bp, and the meds might need attention again. Sounds to me like the basic package is good for your daughter, but the dosages might need to be tweaked (at least for the time being to see her through this period). Any chance you can see her pdoc sooner (maybe call for cancellation)?


Warren m'dear --

Cap and Counsellor are right: anger like you're talking about is a big part of a type of mania (like my ex gets too) and it could be that you're experiencing mixed depressive/hypomanic states. Strikes me that you might want to chat through your meds regime with your doc -- there might be some adjustments to make (minor tweaks or more significant med changes), and that wouldn't be uncommon for bp sufferers at all.

Roisie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/16/2006 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Warren

On the broom/cat incident. If that had been me, my wife would have known something was definitely wrong because I had a broom in my hands. I have never learned how to operate one of those things.

Hope you are doing great today

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/16/2006 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
hey, all!
 
capn,
 
my wife was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and had a colonostomy.  she is still fatigued easily and has trouble lifting the cat.  i do all of the cleaning (a radical change from 35 yrs ago!) and a good deal of the cooking (like burned water?).  i have a great deal more responsibility but am doing my best to rise to the occation.
 
councelor, i think you are probably right.  my pdoc in tx almost never has my lithium levels checked.  when i ask him to have them checked, he usually agrees.  strange.  the p doc  here in al  told me to get it checked but never gave me an rx.  wierd.
 
things ain't like they used to be.
 
i didn't sleep night before last was was really fatigued yesterday and let my anger out for a run with my wife.  gotta stop doing that.  not healthy fo either one of us.  she always takes it personally.
 
AND MANIC EPISODES SHOULD BE HAPPY, SPONTANIOUS, AND FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gotta get something outta this cr**!
 
take care all.  i sincerely appreciate the input.
 
warren

Post Edited (wmnak) : 9/16/2006 9:17:57 AM (GMT-6)


CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/16/2006 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Warren -- BAD pdoc!!! nono Your lithium level checks should be monthly. Get him to write it into his darned diary!! How on earth is he going to know that the dosage is right if he doesn't do the required checks??
 
Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/16/2006 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
rosie,
 
how do i know?  i'm JUST the patient. :-)
 
do you know what gets to me about all of this?  i've spent 60 yrs thinking that i was just depressed with an attitude and a temper.
 
warren

CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/16/2006 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Tee hee! -- Warren m'dear, I love your sense of humour! :) You just use that attitude to give your pdoc a kick up the rear!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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