Am I spinning out of control?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/15/2006 5:00 AM (GMT -7)   

I have been taking meds for about 1 year now. At first, they saved my life. After a while I felt like they stopped working. I wasn't Happy anymore. Just numb. Or Hypersensitive; hence my name. I wasn't Happy though. I couldn't stand up for myself, make decisions, express my feelings, I was just in a state of floating nothingness. Not to mention being constantly pissed off at my boyfriend. Constantly.

I accidently missed a therapy appt. and my Doc wouldn't scribe me anymore Lamictal last week until I saw my therapist. So, I stoped taking the whole darn mess. The Lithium, the prozac and the Lamictal. I have never felt better in my whole life. Everything is so clear. Everything is so easy. Everything is normal.

How long will this last? That is the problem with Bi-Polar. Maybe I'm just in a manic swing. They used to be fun, but my last one led to delusions and hallucinations and hospitalization. It's a very tricky road I'm walking here and quite frankly, I'm scared crapless. I want to feel this wonderful power of being normal, but I am so afraid I'll spin out of control.


Phoelona
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 9/15/2006 6:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello numbly hypersensitive. I agree that going off of meds without a Dr recommendaton may have drawbacks soon, even though you feel better at the moment. I hope that you go back on the meds and discuss the problem that you are having about the numbness and lack of concentration to your Dr immediately. Maybe then this will bring some insight to why you feel so confused and dazed. you possibly need a med adjustment. I hope that you feel better soon. Take care and good day numbly hypersensitive. Phoelona

numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/15/2006 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, that's the thing. I've been telling my doc for the last three months that things aren't ok. She keeps shewing me away, saying therapy will help. It doesn't. I feel so good right now and I just want to feel this way for the rest of my life.
 
I don't understand why I can't just feel good forever. I really hate being bp.

CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/15/2006 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numb

A couple of my observations. I know pdocs are difficult to start up with, and good one's are sometimes hard to find. But what is wrong with you pdoc, why would he withhold medication for a missed appointment? That is unethical on his part. Analogy-if you were diabetic and missed an appointment, would the doctor withhold insulin? Your pdoc is the proverbial quack. I think that lamictal is perscribed for mania only. So your doctor must realize that missing an appointment may be the start of a mania cycle.

And this observation is based my own experiences, so my analysis is skewed when compared to yours. But, I am going to assume you started on meds a year ago due to a depression. The meds moved you out of the depression and you felt well. But as time went by, the good feeling of moving out of a depression began to diminish and then, the possiblity of not being on the correct med mix caused your numbness.

Now, stopping your meds and feeling wonderful, in some cases, is a symptom of a manic cycle. I would recommend that you visit your doctor very quickly and explain what you have explained here. Remind this doctor that he works for you! And he can be fired.

Good luck and hope you get to feeling better.

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.


numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/15/2006 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your feedback. I agree that it is completely Quackish of my doc to w/hold meds b/c missed appt. I went off at the office and probably made a fool of myself. The situation is that I'm disabled and have no ins. I've only been on disability for 1 year now but have $600 "deductible" with medicaid. I have another year before Medicare. That's ridiculous - and another topic LOL.
 
So, these guys are the only "local" yahoos that will treat me on a sliding scale. Hence, no other doc. available to me. The kicker is that the Lamictal is "facilitated" to me through thier "med-clinic". I applied to the mfg. of Lamictal and they give it to me for free. The med clinic takes care of getting it filled and just gives it to me when I go to p/u my other meds. I asked for it and the nurse refused, even though it's my prescription and me getting it based on need. She said that the doc wouldn't let me have it cuz the therapy thing.
 
So in a way I just want to go off in a manic hysteria to prove to them how stupid they are! That is an off-handed remark, so please don't slam me for it. I do feel like I'm manic, but it I love it. I have happy emotions, I am easy to get along with, I want to live. I want to be active and alive and do stuff. I enjoy other people. I enjoy my life.
 
If I feel so miserable on meds, than what is the difference than being off them and crashing every once in a while instead of being terminally crashed? I used to rapid cycle, but that seems to not be the case right now... Is that because I am manic?
 
Yes, the blah blah blah of me tells me I am manic. I like manic. I want to stay manic. Just as long as it doesn't lead me to the crazy place I've gone before.
 

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/15/2006 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numbly Hypersensitive,

Welcome to HW! -- I'm glad you've already found such good advice from Phoelona and Cap. I agree that your doc needs a talk-to: this is unacceptable and he could be sued frankly. Make an appointment, point out the analogy with diabetes that Cap made (spot on Cap!), and explain 1) that playing with your mental health, and ultimately your life, is not on; 2) the meds were making you numb and he should take that seriously since bp meds often need adjusting depending on what part of the cycle a paerson is in (e.g. if you're put on meds while depressed they will need adjusting when they've fixed that so that they don't precipitate a mania or leave you otherwise badly affected) -- this should be common knowledge as far as your doc goes, and I'm *very* surprised that he's not thinking inb this way; and 3) that what he did provoked you to come off all your meds cold turkey: you knew you were doing it to make a point, but you also know that making that point is dangerous and you're big enough to admit that -- now you need help and that's what you expect him to give as it's his job. ... Yes, oh boy I'm angry with your doc for being so darned tactless. Maybe you could also come up with a kind of contract between you -- that you will keep appointments (or send him an explanation if you have to miss one -- and occasionally that's unavoidable) and take meds, and he will honour your mental wellbeing by making sure that your prescriptions are available for you and by reassessing your meds and adjusting if/when necessary. I suppose there might be a way in which this crisis achieves something good: sometimes things have to hit crisis for there to be a turnaround, and this might be a good opportunity for you to form a better understanding of oyur doctor-patient relationship.

Your meds should *not* make you feel miserable and numb: if they'd stopped working and were making you feel that way, that's the sure sign that they needed adjusting. Please please remember that. Mania may feel great after all that (and for many it feels great anyway) and it's easy to give up meds for that -- because it's intoxifying and it seduces you into thinking everything's grand. BUT there's always a price, a fallout -- damage done while you're manic, and the inevitable crash that follows. Mania will keep you off balance and precipitate more mood swings. If mania's taken you crazy places before, you can't expect it to be different this time: you've got your past experience to learn from on this, and you need to use that knowledge. Remember when the meds worked and trust that there are adjustments that can be made to make them work again. In fact, since you came off them and have become manic, your doc will now *have* to make adjustments to take account of the mania -- so perhaps the point will have been made and an improved med outcome will have been achieved.

I'm thinking of you and have all my fingers crossed. -- Get onto your doc and therapist asap -- your therapist may even be able to help you on this.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/15/2006 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Crashing. Crashing hard. Need to sleep for centuries. I am starving but don't have the energy to cook. I hope that after I sleep I will feel awesome again. I hope I'm not rolling into a stupid depression.

I'm already mad at my boyfriend and my kids are on my nerves. Short fuse here. Need to rest. It's not them. It's me. I just need to hold on before I do damage I can't repair.

Thanks for your help everyone.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/16/2006 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numbly,

You know what you have to do hun -- get to your doc, to a walk-in centre, or to an ER -- but whatever you do: *get there*!!! Massive mood swings (both sides of the swing) are not going to be uncommon for someone going off meds cold turkey like you've done. We all know the problem here and we all know the solution: fix this before it gets even worse. I am rooting for you so hard, but you *need* to take that step. *Please*. Get your boyfriend to take you if you can't get there on your own and do it *now*. No time to be wasted proving points to your doc: point has been proved.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/16/2006 6:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numb

Rosie is absolutely correct. You need to get to a doc. Don't try to do this all yourself. Do it for you kids that love you, do it for your boyfriend that loves you, and do it for yourself, because you love yourself. You are too valuable to be going through this pain.

Be careful on your trip to the doc.

Your friend

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/16/2006 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   
we're all pulling for you, but you've got to get off of dead center.  move your mind.  move your body.  move your spirit.  make that phone call.  get to a pdoc, clinic, or er.  get your b/f to take you, a friend, or a neighbor.  call a taxi.  you have lots of choices! 
 
warren

numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/17/2006 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks everyone for all your help. I don't mean to sound like a stubborn mule, but I'm OK. I'm just as wacked out on my meds, so what's the difference? Sure, I've been a bit snappy and not so happy, but on my meds, that's how I feel almost all the time.

I really don't think it's crisis time here. I feel a rebound coming on. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe today will be a better day.

 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/17/2006 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numbly,

Well, you sound a bit better today, *but* that doesn't change the central issue here: you do need to see your pdoc and get things back on a constructive footing. This illness is too difficult to play the waiting game with. Please get in touch with your pdoc tomorrow and start getting back on track: you need to discuss your meds.

Are you back taking the meds again? Hope so.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/17/2006 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Rosie, No meds. I'm telling you--- I feel so bad when I'm on them. What is the difference? I'm not asking an irrational q. Truely, really, honestly, what is the difference? The only thing I can see it that I may totally flip out without them, needing hospitalization. I can usually feel when reality begins to split, and I will seek treatment then.

Right now, I'm enjoying the ability to breathe. Does this make sense? I can smell and breathe and honestly, really FEEL HAPPINESS!!!!!!!
When other BiPolars are on meds, do they get to feel that? Are my meds just messed up?

I'm so tired of dealing with Docs.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/17/2006 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numbly,

I think this is one of the reasons that you *do* need to see your doc -- a clear sign that your meds were not working for you as they should have been. -- Different meds have different impacts on individuals and yours clearly needed a rethink.

The thing with not being on meds is that, however good you may feel now, this is bipolar we're talking about, and it doesn't go away. In fact relapse rates for people with bipolar who come off their meds (especially as rapidly as you have) are very high (something like 90% of people have a significant relapse within 6 months -- and I mean significant!!). So, yes, you need to be on meds -- but I also think you need your meds reassessing to find ones that don't make you feel terrible, because meds that were working right for you would not make you feel that way.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/17/2006 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Numb

I hope you will try a new mix of meds. There are more types than can be mentioned. And the right mix, dosage, time taken, etc.. can all have a bearing on how well you feel. Life is wonderful and we should all get a chance to experience it. Not all meds work. This isn't too good of an example, but Pepto Bismol causes me to have a stomach ache. Not all meds agree with all people.

Please seek out some medical help.

Your friend

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.


numbly_hypersensitive
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 9/17/2006 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you guys serious about meds really make you feel GOOD? I understand Ok, or not suicidal, or not cyclying all over the place, or not so depressed you can't eat or get out of bed, or not doing drugs, sleeping with anybody who will, drinking out of control, etc etc etc, ....

Can they really, truly make you feel GOOD?

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/17/2006 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes hun, the right meds for you are out there -- and they can bring you back -- and with it the good and the joy. You've had a bad experience -- but these are the ones people learn by -- and in this case I think it's your doc who needs to learn and prescribe you something different!

(((Numbly)))

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


NiteScribe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/17/2006 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I can usually feel when reality begins to rip apart also. It’s a blessing I think, to be able to feel that letting go. However, BP can bring about some terrible tragedies when it goes beyond that point, so it is very wise to be careful. Probably, the easiest and least damaging means of being cautious with BP is to be in treatment of some kind and on medications. As I already know, BP can be responsible for my bashing my brains out or causing someone else grievous harm so – Numb, do be very careful, things can get really horrible very fast.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 11:14 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,519 posts in 301,220 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151336 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, depressionexam.
197 Guest(s), 5 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Scaredy Cat, gitane44, aloha234, puppylover, celebrate life


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer