<lj-cut text="You don't have to read this if you don't want to; it explains why I've been a bit odd recently">
I ended up in hospital this Wednesday and ended up in the psychiatric unit at Heatherwood hospital.
I got terribly strong violent urges and I suddenly 'woke up' realising I was slashing my wrists.
I was scared because it wasn't a rational 'I want to die' thought, so I couldn't talk myself out of it. I just had the urge and did it before I realised what I was doing. So I was terrified I'd find myself doing it with a real knife. The object I used was very blunt fortunately
It was enough to prevent me from finishing what I'd started, and things are ok at the moment.
There's some confusion about
the BP as one of the doctors listed a load of things that BPs do that I don't do... despite me having told about
5 different doctors (including her) that I did do those things.
But the senior consultant having read all the notes seems to have done a 'hang on, actually...' over this.
I'll see my normal GP on monday and sort out medication. I've been assigned a community psych nurse and a psychiatrist, all of which is being done under Reading as I move into halls in a week.
I'd say don't worry, I'm not a homicidal lunatic... but that's only when I get onto medication :-P
Feeling rather good at the moment; hospital wasn't too bad. I had my own room, and I got to see Rob in the evening.
And I have Rob now.
He is truly, truly fantastic.
So... I've told my friends using my livejournal, and people will still have to bear with me a bit whilst I settle - I'm still very manic, and although the nurses couldn't see it; it's pretty obvious if you know me well and know what kinds of things I normally can't talk about
Obviously there'll be some time whilst I get used to medication, but that should solve most of the problems, and Rob and I are going to work on a special system I got from a book that will solve any kinds of bad problems as and when they happen, rather than me sitting hiding from him getting worse and worse, which is what I've done so far.
I've got a LOT of really good things to look forward to at the moment - Uni, Rob, the Bengals thrashing the Steelers on Sunday, so there's a lot of positive for me to focus on, so I should be ok.
I just lost control a bit on Wednesday.
It happens to everyone.
Unfortunately for me, it was rather serious.
But I'm ok.
I have Rob
Oh and the ward had a cat!
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
(?) Ulcerative Colitis - waiting for tests
(?) BiPolar - currently on Diazepam whilst waiting for assessment.
No other medicines - doctors are useless!