Something seems off

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Jade11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 9/30/2006 8:35 PM (GMT -7)   
So, something seems off with me but I can't exactly explain it.  It seems like my mood has been off for the past few weeks.  I seem more depressed, and keep thinking of these negative thoughts that I can't get rid of.  I also have been crying more than I normally do.
 
That said I still do function in my everyday life.  I work 20 hours a week, have class 19 hours a week, and have about 20-30 hours of school work on top of that.  It just seems like I feel overwhelmed by everything.  The first week of school I felt like withdrawing, and am still afraid that I might fail out.  It is hard to find enough time to study, and sometimes is difficult to concentrate.
 
I am also afraid that I am just going to fall apart somewhere in the process.  I need to talk to my doctor, but somehow I don't want to.  I don't want to switch meds in the middle of the semester because I have had bad reactions to different psych meds in the past.  Also my doctor takes 2-4 weeks to even get into.  Well, I could call him but I don't think phone advice amounts to much.  I feel so alone with all of this.  I try to talk to family but they don't seem to want to take this seriously.  They say things like "Oh you will be fine" etc.  I also tend to want to pretend like everything is okay, in hopes that it will be.  Somehow I think that this seems like more than usual though.

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/1/2006 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
jade, you left out the word "dear" from the phrase "everything will be all right."  how i hate that phrase!  there ought to be a law against it!  penalty:  eating 25 pizza hut cinamin bread sticks. :-)
 
you don't say what year of school you are in (i pesume college or university).  i am quoting now from studies conducted in the 60s and 70s (my era in college), so some of the data and conclusions may be out of date.  according to these studies most students were clinically depressed.  most were sleep deprived.  most were mildly to seriously nutritionally deprived. 
 
if you add to these statistics an pre-existing condition of bp in a depressive phase, you have the makings for a potentially serrious situation.
 
i think that you are correct in your intuition to call your dr.  get through to him/her as soon as you can.  as you probably know, left to itself, bp will never be "all right (dear)".
 
keep in touch.
 
warren

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/1/2006 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jade,

100% agreement with Warren the Wise!!! -- No good comes from "waiting for things to sort themselves out" with bp: it just doesn't happen that way. You're dealing with a lot of things that fall under the "trigger" heading and you are already feeling the effects. Bp meds often have to be adjusted for different phases of the cycle -- otherwise you may be treating depression with med dosages tailored for mania, or vice versa (which will only exaccerbate the condition). Chances are, you won't have to change meds, just get the dosages altered to take into account what you're going through *now* rather than when they were first prescribed. Please do make that call to your doc!! -- I'm sure he can look into your meds and see if there are alterations to be made over the phone. Don't let this get away from you: don't let bp control you -- you be in control of it. :)

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Jade11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 10/1/2006 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I am in my last year of college right now.  I am about 8 months away from graduation.  The course work is hard this year, and I am just afraid that I going to fail.  I know when I graduate I will have a good career ahead of me.  It seems so close yet so far away.
 
As for the meds I am currently on Lithium right now.  So, I don't think increasing the dose would help as it could lead to toxicity.  I have been on both Zoloft and Prozac and both led to major manias.   Of course I was not on a mood stabalizer at the time either.  I have tried Remeron, and it caused a 40 pound weight gain.  Honestly none of these meds really worked that well with the depression.  I wonder Lamictal would work better with me.
 
Part of the problem is that I have these negative dark thoughts.  Even when I am feeling fine these thoughts creep into my head.  I am not really sure the meds can fix it.  I almost wonder if I need some sort of therapy.

NiteScribe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/1/2006 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Jade,

From what I’ve been told, everyone in their last year of college feels like they aren’t going to make it, and some students even want to find an easier major about halfway through their senior year. I know that I just couldn’t go on any further—but my major professor said, “Just keep walking,” and another professor said, “You have already completed it.” In addition, some of my support group kept me up on my feet. I’m Bipolar, and the stress and all had me spinning in every direction so much so that I can only barely recall that period in my life. However, I do recall my cap and gown and feeling just wonderful when I did graduate.
I have had trouble with antidepressants also, and from what I understand, it is important that the bipolar disorder be stabilized first, so that the other medications work correctly.”

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/2/2006 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Jade,
 
i wasn't going to do any posting today, but you really touch my heart.  (yes, guys, there ARE times i chose not to post - not many perhaps, but some)
 
norm is spot on about college students.  not because the course of study was too hard, but because i changed interets i changed majors (i think it was) 5 times as an unergraduate and twice in graduate school.  i remember panicking my senior year and my last yr of grad school.  those exact same thoughts that you are having "i know i won't make it."  in grad school my advisor got so concerned with my panic that he told me that i was going to graduate and to just "cool down."
 
as far as the last yr being the hadest, it may seem that way but i doubt if it really is.  back in the middle ages when i was in school, the plan was to take the hardest subjects in summer school, the required courses during the first two yrs, and then your major in the last two so you could fiish with a flourish.  (i know, it's VERY different in the uk).  if you followed this plan, you should be sailing.
 
therapy would probably be a good idea for you right now.  you have some major security issues as well as bp and school to deal with.  get it set up as soon as you can.
 
 
warren

Jade11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 10/3/2006 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
For some majors the last year is not that hard.  However for my major I had to do two years of prerequisites. Then I applied to a competitive program for the last 2 years.  So, once I got into the program the course work is still pretty rigorous. 
 
I remember last spring there was a test that 75% of the students failed.  Even at the end of the semester I know a good deal of students didn't make it.  I think last year they tried to weed students out.  So, maybe if I could make it through last year I should be okay for this year.  Having bipolar disorder does not help anything.  Even having normal anxiety and reactions to school can scare me.  Part of me always wonders if my emotions are normal, or if I am headed towards a breakdown.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/4/2006 2:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jade,

Wow, sounds like you have done *very* well with your course so far! Great going hun :)

I know those worries about what "normal" anxiety might herald (although in my case it's unipolar depression), and those worries (which in any given circumstance may or may not be valid) are worth taking seriously. After all, they're the result of what we know about our conditions from past experience -- and that should always be learned from. They can seem terrible, but really we should think of them as helpful -- little warning signals, if you like, from our own personal self-preservation society! If we take them on board and find help, yes, it may or may not be necessary -- but if we don't the same applies and we could miss the chance to help ourselves early rather than leave it till things get more serious. I've got to the point now where I count such reactions as friends: they've meant that I got help while I was still in a place to do so several times now, and really have saved me. I hope you can use yours for the helpful signals they send you too. :)

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/5/2006 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
jade,
 
OUCH!!  that's one heck of a heavy program that you are in.  you deserve all of the credit in the world for making it through.  and you are doing this miraculous feat with bp!
 
i was being facious about "timing" your college curriculum.  i knew some students who did it that way, but most just muddled through like i did.  i don't think any of us could have made it through your program.  just regular competition cut the ranks of my class by about 50%.  your program is taking this competition to new levels.
 
you mentioned therapy.  with your "dark thoughts" i believe that this is a great idea.  the thought is often father to the deed.  take care of it as quickly and as painlessly as you can.
 
i wish you all the best with your studies.  go graduate and make ten million dollars (the first year).
 
warren

Jade11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 10/8/2006 8:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I geuss I have never had an episode since I have been on a mood stabalizer.  It has been almost four years now.  Can a mood stabalizer just stop working?  That seems like a scary thought.  I know it is a wise idea to always stay healthy, and take care of yourself.  It probably is a good idea to talk to my doctor about how I have been feeling, just to make sure.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/9/2006 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jade,

Your body *can* become tolerant of mood stabiliser -- so that in effect, yes, they stop working, *but* it does sound like you're hugely busy and meds only do part of the job in fending off the highs and lows of bp -- the rest is down to having therapy and adjusting your lifestyle to avoid triggers. It sounds to me like you're doing a heck of a lot and that this could be triggering your bp, and basically overriding the meds. Increased dosages may help, or you may have to take some time to work out with your therapist how you can limit what you do for a while to more manageable loads.

I think too that, if you're feeling depressed, it might be the anti-depressant rather than the mood stabiliser that needs attention dosage-wise. Mood stabilisers tend to help more with the manic than the depressive pole, from what I've read. So it may be that the mood stabiliser is working fine, but that you need the a-ds upped a bit for a while.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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