It's 5:41 am and I still have not gone to sleep...and I can tell I am not going to go to sleep anytime soon. For the past few weeks I
have been home with nothing to do or anywhere to go, other than the occasional doc appt. I finally got to the point where I can
no longer hold a job and I applied for SSI/SSD, in the meantime I am taking care of my 15 year old daughter and myself on
county assistance. I HATE IT!!!! I feel like such a loser..for the most part I have been depressed,lethargic and plain bored. When I do
sleep its only for a few hours and I wake repeatedly during the night. I stopped the Xanax I was taking because at least my
anxiety WAS under control and I am only on 50 mg of Seroquel which seems to be doing nothing. It does not knock me out, and Xanax
just makes me drowsy but not enough to sleep.
On top of all this, last night my 15 year old daughter came into my room last night and told me she feels she is mature enough to
have sex, and wanted to tell me and not hide it from me. That is what has sent me over the edge. I tried to be the calm, cool
and collected Mom since she was comfortable enough to tell me the truth. She is ADHD, by the way, and I feel this speaks
volumes to her impulsivity. When I ask her why now? All she can tell me is she is ready, and her mind is set. She claims she has
not acted on it and wanted to talk to me first. Finally, I blew up and told her she was out of her mind and now she says she will
not talk to me about it anymore and will just talk to her therapist, whom she started the whole topic with. I am sick about the
whole thing. And the fact that the therapist seems to be telling her to discuss it with her partner (!!!!!) has me furious! It's as
if she is saying its okay for a 15 year old to be considering sexual activity.
I can't chain her up in her bedroom, and being a teen once myself I know there are ways around everything.
I feel myself getting manic and I am afraid that this whole thing with my daughter is going to send me over the deep end. The
first night after she told me I took 2 mg of the Xanax which I had not touched in weeks. I am only supposed to take .5 mg. I
needed an escape....but I won't do it again. In my heart, I feel like this is one battle I am going to lose and I don't know what to
do anymore. This is not the kind of thing you can give a spanking for....and if I forbid her to see the boy they will just sneak
around. I can't talk to my family because their solution is to beat the hell out of everything, and ask questions later. I can't
remember everything I said to her, but I let her know she is NOT mature enough to handle the pressures and responsibilty of
sex, and I absolutely will not support that decision. I told her I regretted having sex too soon, and that this is something she
can never get back again. I explained the mindset of teenage boys, and she still says she *LOVES* him and this is it.
In a nutshell, how can I continue to be an effective parent when I feel myself cracking up!!! I got to hold it together...how the
hell do I explain this kind of a trigger to my doctor? Even without BP I imagine a parent would be beside theirselves over this.
If you read all this, I appreciate it, this turned out to be more of a rant than anything else. All I can do is pray to God that
something I said will make her realize what a mistake this would be.
Post Edited (SUNSHINY) : 10/5/2006 4:35:47 AM (GMT-6)