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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/22/2006 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I noticed a huge change in my wife in early Sept.  My wife and I had been trying to get pregnant and she was on the drug clomid.  I believe she got afraid to find out if she could get pregnant or not and she quit taking the drug.
After she quit taking the drug my wife's personality changed.  She wanted to buy a vehicle that I didn't think we could afford, and later she started talking with a 16 year old kid online my wife is 25.
I finally had enough and I moved out of the house.  I literally couldn't understand what was going on.  A week after I moved out my wife calls and tells me she feels guilty and there's something she wants to talk to me about.  She tells me she went to the movies with this 16 year old kid and she doesn't know what she's doing.  I go back to the house and she's crying and says she doesn't know what she's been thinking.  I comfort her and she tells me she's going to quit talking to the kid and it's over.
Well on Monday I ask if she's talked to him yet and she tells me she hasn't gotten a chance to yet.  I finally go to the house and I'm talking to her Tuesday, and my wife tells me she's doing nothing wrong, and basically she's not going to stop talking to this kid.  I honestly felt like I'm talking to a completely different person than who I talked to on Tuesday.
I begin to wonder what's wrong with my wife and I start looking around on the Internet.  I begin to get the feeling that she has bi polar, and I believe the clomid set off a mania state.
I had been with my wife for 7 years and I believe she was depressed the entire 7 years.  I never seen her in a full blown mania state before so I had no idea what I was dealing with.
I went to a counselor because of some of the things I had done during the marriage that I'm not proud of.  While I'm talking to the counselor and telling her things about my wife she tells me she does believe my wife has bipolar and I need to get her into see a counselor.
Well I talk to my wife and she agreed to go and she went and seen this counselor.  The counselor said she's going to see both of us separately since it's OK with the both of us. 
I had an appointment with the counselor fallowing my wife's appointment and the counselor told me that she told my wife she's bipolar.  My wife took it very well and is willing to go on medication and willing to get help.
The thing is I love my wife more than anything.  I want to work this out.  My wife has been telling me that she doesn't love me that way anymore.  She says she just loves me as a friend and doesn't want to work out the marriage.
I was wondering what I should expect once she gets on medication and begins therapy for this. 
I've been talking to the therapist and I believe the majority of our problems in this relationship have to do with my wife's illness.  I know we could have a happy marriage if she gets this under control.
I just don't know what to expect.  I've had a really hard time this last month and a half since I moved out and i don't know how much more I can take.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/22/2006 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Ran down,
Welcome to our community. It certainly sounds like you and your wife have been through quite a lot this past year. You seem to be very observant and searching/learning about an illness your wife might have.
It sounds like you are covering all of your bases. You are in counseling and now you have your wife involved too. What type of counselor/doctor is she seeing that has made the diagnosis and who will be administering her meds?
She definately needs to stop talking to this 16 year old on the internet and meeting up with him. She can get into major trouble with this. Make sure you mention it to the counselor. That just is plain wrong.
I think your wife needs to work out a lot of issues through her therapy sessions. She will need to deal with a lot of medication changes in the months to come. I would definately give her, her space during this time. You said yourself you know she has been depressed for at least 7 years. That's a long time and a lot has happened in your marriage since then and you are also getting counseling for those issues.
I would guess she needs a lot of healing and direction in her life right now. You should continue to remain supportive as I'm sure as things head down the road she will be more level headed as to her true feelings for you.
I'm glad you are very concerned for her and she does need your support right now. I would just say to encourage her to keep all her appointments and to continue to take her meds.
The rest you can work out with your counselor. I think you are both in the most healthiest place for your relationship right now.
Be patient. Finding the right adjustment of  meds for bi-polar is not a quick fix. It will take time and committment.
All the best to you. Keep us posted.
Sincerely, ~Sukay~*

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 11/22/2006 3:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ran Down,

Welcome to HW! -- I hope that you find good support here: loved ones need it as much as sufferers at times and you are very welcome here.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I knew what to tell you to expect here, but I know that what I'll say will probably be coloured by my own experience, which ended badly. I suppose deep down though, I know that each case is different. What's important is that you and your wife have taken very important steps and she is open to treatment, which is invaluable.

What happens from here, I just don't know, but I know that you have to look after yourself and keep going to counselling for you -- to help *you* stay strong. It may well be that everything turns out great and that your relationship becomes stronger as a result; it may be that things get worse. Either way, there will be tough times ahead and you need to have all your resources for support at their best.

We are here whenever you need to talk things through, ask questions, or just vent.

Look after you.

Rosie x

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...


Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 11/22/2006 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   
How long has it been since she was off the Clomid? Clomid is known to cause VERY irratic, EXTREME behavior in some women. And it takes quite a while to get back to normal. My best friend took it at one point and was hospitalized because she tried to kill her husband with a kitchen knife and not just the once. She said it took nearly 6 months to get her mood back in order and think straight.

Not everyone who wants a big ticket item they can't afford, has bipolar. This is America and it has gotten to where it is nearly unAmerican NOT to live above your means. This having been said, she is acting irradically and in ways that could get her into trouble legally.

Most importantly here, a psychologist is NOT qualified to diagnose bipolar disorder. A PhD who is specifically trained to conduct psychological testing is up to this task. If your counselor is only an MS or heaven forbid, an LCSW, they are overstepping their training, which is considered highly unethical behavior by both the APA and the NAMFC. It is unethical for the counselor to tell your wife she may be bipolar. APA states that ethical behavior is when a counselor refers a client to a psychiatrist for medication AND diagnosis. At that point, appropriate releases can be signed for the counselor and doctor to communicate, if that seems appropriate to you; it may or may not be.

I am a Rogerian...hold off the diagnosis and help the person because a diagnosis is a label. Labels are usually less than helpful to those who are labeled.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Only on occasional Indocin and Naprosyn. Lupus with significant balance difficulties and frequent falls (getting over a recent concussion). Vegan and loving it!

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/23/2006 11:45 AM (GMT -6)   
How long has it been since she was off the Clomid? Clomid is known to cause VERY irratic, EXTREME behavior in some women. And it takes quite a while to get back to normal. My best friend took it at one point and was hospitalized because she tried to kill her husband with a kitchen knife and not just the once. She said it took nearly 6 months to get her mood back in order and think straight. said...
(replace this text with what was said)
I believe my wife stopped taking the clomid about a week before labor day weekend.  I went with her to her last Dr. appointment, they were going to put her on the highest dose possible and she was told if she can't pregnent we probably won't be able to get pregnant naturally. 
The thing about the expensive vehicle is that it was so uncharacteristic of her.  We had been contanstantly cutting corners to save money.  I had been arguing with her about getting cable in the house just prior to this.  Buying this vehicle came out of nowhere, and I couldn't talk her out of it.
Her mood swings have been unbelieveable during this time.  She's called saying she feels like killing herself so her sister and I come over.  At the end of the night there's nothing wrong with her and she doesn't need to see a counslor.  When I got to the house all she could talk about is that she needs to see somebody and she feels like she's going crazy.
Like the conversation about ending it with the 16 year old boy.  She was crying and she couldn't  believe what she had done.  She was calling herself a hypocrit because my wife is morally pretty conservitive.  She'll tell somebody to their face if their doing something wrong.  Six months earlier my wife was banned from a forum for getting into an arguement with other ladies weather it was alright to let your 16 year old son have sex in your own house.  My wife was so offended by the conversation she got into name calling and was banned from the forum.  I now can't convince this woman that she's doing anything wrong now by hanging out and going to the movies with a 16 year old kid.
I don't know all the qualifications of my counslor.  She told me before we got started, but basically it's all foreign to me and I have no idea what it all meant.  She told me that she's sending my wife to someone else to deal with the bipolar issues and to get her set up with the proper medication.  The counslor also mentioned she believes the clomid is a huge part of what is going on with my wife right now.
I feel like I was blindsided by this whole thing.  A lot of things just don't make since, but the more I read about bipolar the more things make since.  There's a lot of huge signs throughout our relationship that just seem so obvious now, that I just never knew what was going on at the time.  I feel like I'm now putting a puzzle together and everything fits right in it's place.  Everytime I'm given more information, it just explains something and it makes everything else more clear.
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