Promiscuity linked to bp?

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BeyondTheGraySky
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/22/2006 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
This has been sitting on my mind for some time now. I'm not sure where to start...I guess a little background info. I've found the right combo of meds and have been on them for around 3 years now I guess. I'm not suffering half as much as I used to, and only have the occassional meltdown and/or panic attack. I feel very lucky for that- I had a core team of people help drag me through the roughest parts. And now to my problem- I am very promiscuous. There have been several occassions where I have fooled around with more than 1 guy in a night, and many times, I don't know there names. I am convinced it is not because I am young and "boy crazy." I have a really bad self-image and I have never been the pretty girl. I have only had 2 real boyfriends. My last one was a big giant mess that ended over 4 years ago. I was engaged at 16. That relationship was a manic episode in itself. Men have never liked me or payed attention to me, and I get tired of being alone. Something that has been imprinted in my mind is that no one wants to be with me, why would anyone want to put up with me? I have so much baggage and I wouldn't want to be with me either. I hate it when people say, "that's not true, you don't know that, there are plenty of fish in the sea." Well my net has a hole in it. So whenever I get the chance, I eye someone and go after him whenever I'm out doing the "college thing." I can't count the number of people I've kissed and I don't even care. I just want the attention and the physical feelings so bad it doesn't matter if he's drunk out of his mind. But as I make the walk of shame more and more, I'm starting to think I feel this way partly because of the bp. I can't be entirely "cured," we all know it's not find the right combo and you're healed. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Even though I don't have a lot of manic episodes and panic attacks anymore- maybe this is something that comes with the territory (for lack of a better word)? Maybe these nights are manic episodes in diguise. I don't know. Any input you can give, I would greatly appreciate. Whether you have similar stories, opinions, or advice, I just want to know if I'm the only one who is going through this.
Thanks guys.  -Cait

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 11/23/2006 1:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cait,

Welcome to HW!

Sounds like there are a couple of issues here. The first is the bp, and yes that is associated with increased promiscuity, or sexual risk-taking. But that's normally when it's untreated and it sounds like either your meds could do with tweaking or that there's something else that needs attention here. The thing that makes me think it's a something else rather than just the bp/meds (though it could be both) is what you say about your self-image seems critical to me -- and something that you could start to address in counselling: it will take time to adjust all your self-perception to a level of real acceptance, but I do think you need to work on this with a psychologist -- maybe with cognitive behavioural therapy (great for addressing the day-to-day issues that are associated with mindset).

From what you write, btw, I don't think you're boy-mad either, and I certainly don't judge you for what you've been doing. -- My sense is that this is an expression of a real unhappiness with yourself and a way of gaining some kind of (short-term) validation. Your self-awareness strongly suggests to me that this would be a good time to address the core problems in your therapy.

Keep us posted hun!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 11/23/2006 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I went through a few years of this. I'd go out to my favourite night club on a friday night and come home with some stranger.
Looking back on it, it was stupid.
I'd been very badly abused when I was 16 as well though, so sex didn't really mean anything to me.
Looking back on it, I'm quite stunned how bad I was. Definitely talk about this with your pdoc; it's apparently quite common in BP, and they can help you with it, and they won't judge you.

*hugs*
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
(?) Ulcerative Colitis - waiting for tests
(?) BiPolar
Thrombocytosis

Epilim Chrono 500mg at night (Sodium Valproate)
Lofepramine (Feprapax or Gamanil) 70mg at night.
Quetiapine (Seroquel) when needed.


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 11/24/2006 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey there beyond

You have probably heard this before, and it probably sounds like self-help speak. But you cannot find assurance from anyone but yourself. Why is your self worth based on what kind of boyfriend you can land?

I am ashamed to tell you this, but I used to be one of the type of guys that preyed on girls in similar situations to yours. Stop thinking of yourself as not pretty, or that no one wants you. So what if you don't have a boyfriend! Your self worth can never be determined by your partner. You had two boyfriends, why is it your fault you are no longer with them? If you truly read into your desciption of them, they were not good enough for you! That is not meant as a criticism, it is a fact. You are too valuable for the likes of them.

As a guy that used this despicable behavior, I would look for girls that wanted companionship so badly they would use sex to get it. I would get my sexual satisfaction from them, then completely forget about them. I would even be angry with them for not forgetting about me, until the next time I wanted to use them for my own pleasure.

Like I said, I am ashamed of my past behavior. I hurt alot of girls. As I said, I preyed on girls seeking companionship. Yes preyed, meaning I would seek them out, use them, then destroy them emotionally. I guess I could blame my BP for this behavior, but BP doesn't really explain this type of obscene cruelty. Maybe I could also blame the abuse I received from my Mother. My Dad was an outstanding man, but he was murdered when I was young, leaving me in the hands of a very emotionally unstable mother. But those are just excuses for the vile scum I was.

Maybe the guys you meet are not like me, but as you see, I was much more unwanted than you will ever be. Even your tag, "BeyondtheGraySky" exhibits that you have a beauty around you. Don't hide it.

Here is what will attract a companion worth being with. Confidence in yourself. Good men are attracted to women that exude confidence in themselves, what they do, and what company they keep. These type of men do no frequent bars. They have a confidence about them as well. These men hangout in schools making good grades, or repectatable social clubs, or even Church or Synagogue, . If you approach these men with a "they would never want me," they won't. If you approach them with an attitude of confidence that you are valuable and and a great person to be with, they will be attracted to you. If they aren't, so what. Their loss. And as for baggage, I had many steamer trunks full of junk. But my wife is the best wife a man can have, and she took a loser like me for some reason which I have never understood.

I will apologize for the behavior of the men that have been very cruel to you. We are too ugly, useless, and despicable to even afford a glance from you.

Good luck

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

Post Edited (CapninHapnin) : 11/24/2006 9:52:22 AM (GMT-7)


dutchie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 6/28/2007 8:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Cait and Cap

I have recently been dx with bp. I am still trying to understand the disease and my place in it. I also have a low self image and made alot of poor decisions because of it. I overate, LIED like you wouldn't believe, abused household finances and yes cheated. I am not proud. The shame I feel is unbearable at times. I see now that I let another man take advantage of my state of mind. It felt so good to think that I was attractive to someone and "cared" for. Unfortunately I had put my husband in a position where he didin't have a fighting chance. I had built up such a wall around myself and got so good at portraying someone that everyone would like. My mind raced for many years....I see that now.

Cap, thankyou for giving the "other" perspective. It helps me understand this.
Cait, you and I need to work on our self images. I'm just a computer click away. I never realized the support system I have around me. I never went to anyone with any feelings I was experiencing. Forever I have buried feelings,not had an opinion, and "dealt" with everything life had to offer. I was "strong". For almost two months now I have had everything out on the table with my husband. He is understandably leary to believe in me again, but everyday I want to get stronger in myself and be a person I can be proud of, as well as my husband and girls. Use the people around you. You have people that truly care for you well-being. I tell you this and even I have trouble with it, because I have a very strong feeling inside me of not wanting to be a "burden". I am re-training my brain that it is OK to use the people around you. I urge you strongly though to be honest. That is a biggy for me. Finally being honest about everything is a huge step for me. I don't want to go back to the person I was. It seems like such a long road sometimes.....but I know it is a road I want to continue down.For me it is overwhelming dealing with the emotion that is now coming out of me. But,I am using my husbands strength to help me.

Thanks to both of you for sharing
I hope to hear more
Dutchie

sooper
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 815
   Posted 6/29/2007 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
When I get manic I get sex drive like crazy,
im a professional... on an amateur level !


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 6/30/2007 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   

hey cap, rosie, sky.

great to see my old frineds back and to meet a new friend.

cap and i never talked about this before, but when i was MUCH younger, i was exactly like him:  i preyed on girls with low self-esteem, who thought they were ugly, etc.  it's funny, but i, too, got angry when one of these girls would approach me for more than a one-night-stand.  but i was a god and they were thralls and i coulld do with them whatever i wanted whenever i wanted.  i, too, got lucky.  i found a woman who accepted me, baggage and all, and we've been together about 35 yrs.

sky, i was lucky.  back in the 60s the worst thing we could think of was some girl getting pregnant.  stds consisted of ailments that were very treatable with pennecylen.  today things are much more dangerous.  premiscuity today can be fatal.  all i'm saying is if bp makes you want sex, then have it but for god's sakes BE CAREFUL!

funny.  they call a male like what cap and i were "bon vivants" or "men around town."  they call women who display exactly the same behavior by more ugly names.  society very often sucks.

i wish yoiu love and luck on you path to discovering just how beautiful, special, and valuable you really are.

warren


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/30/2007 3:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Cait,

Welcome to Healing Well and the members that posted to you were honest and sincere.  That is admirable.

Please don't put your self down, I agree the bipolar meds need tweaking if your still having problems with sexual promiscuity. No one here is judigng you.

I also could see the poor self esteem and the combination may be causing the reckless behavior.  Please know that this is a common trait in Bipolar patients but there is hope and everyone here is so supportive.

I have suffered from low self esteem so I know that feeling well, I am not bipolar but anxiety/depression is my dx.  I have known and worked with people with bipolar so I do have great empathy for how your feeling.

Please be kind to yourself and find a therapist that you can establish a good relationship with to help you.

Gentle Hugs 


Respectfully
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


LearningCoffee
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/6/2007 8:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Low self-esteem, meds, childhood abuse... how does one know without years of psych treatment?  My wife just melted down, confessed she has always been a compulsive liar and has cheated on me at least a dozen times - sometimee, with strangers she just met other times with co-workers which lead to her losing her jobs.
 
Where do we turn first for help?  The doctors are uninterested unless one has a ton of medical insurance.  We simply cannot afford the $1300 per month payments for my wife and child through my work insurance.
 
At Wits End

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/7/2007 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Learning Coffee,

Lots of counties or cities have clinics which offer counseling and mental health services on sliding scales. Ask your wife's doc. Even if you have insurance, they can often offer better rates because they can take bills into account.

serafena

replystreet
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 7/7/2007 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
The only way you can help yourself is if you actually help yourself. No one will be able to do this for you. You have to get yourself straight before you can allow anyone else in your family.
For Free Prescription Medications. Call 1888-872-7519 Today


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/8/2007 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Replystreet, please don't take offense, but are you a 'bot?

LearningCoffee
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/8/2007 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I am new to all this. What is a "bot?"

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/9/2007 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Laughing -- I think so. Boards are often "visited" by automated "robots" which are really just advertisements.

Djonma
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/12/2007 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Laughing, I'm sorry to hear what's happening with your wife at the moment.
Are there any charities in your area that give either relationship counselling, or mental health counselling for free, or cheap?
Maybe you could go to them together instead of having to pay ludicrous amounts of money.
They're often very good as well since people work for them to help people, not just work in the medical industry for money.

Nicola
Thoracic Outlet Syndrome from birth - Diagnosed 1999
Fibromyalgia from birth - Diagnosed 2005
(?) Ulcerative Colitis - waiting for tests
(?) BiPolar
Thrombocytosis

Epilim Chrono 1500mg at night (Sodium Valproate)
Lofepramine (Feprapax or Gamanil) 70mg at night.
Quetiapine (Seroquel) when needed.

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