Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 12/6/2006 12:38:40 PM (GMT-7)
Hugs mean so much and yours are important to me. Yes, I'm in therapy too and today my therapist told me I was "stuck." My day started with my getting up early but I didn't feel like trying to eat with my family because I'm anxious so I just took klonopin and went back to sleep. Next I saw the sun comining in and I fought with myself to get out of bed. My therapist said she would like to see me 2X per week instead of one. My psychiatrist wants to try a medication on me called Nerontin? Maybe I can eventually go off of trileptal and use Nerontin to replace it. Right now I'm doing 125 mg of seroquel, 1 mg of klonopin at night (it's potent for me) and I'm breaking klonopins in half every four hours during the day. I'm also on 900 mg of lithium and 300 of trileptal. I would like to become stablized so that I'm not feeling anxious all of the time. I want to look forward to feeling good for Christmas and finding a new job. I know that being home alone is probably the worst thing for me. Yes, I have hobbies but I have used them to destress after working not to sit around doing them all day while my family is away. Chores are the same thing - things I did after work and on the weekend - not while sitting around all day with nothing else to do. I used to also trying volunteering once a week as well as various roles in my church, but I crashed and burned anyway. I'm just trying to figure out what would make me feel like part of the human race. Nothing seems or feel right - hence the klonopin every 4 hours. I have to believe that the other medicine is doing it's part that it's just partially out of sink with the rest of me. Could it possible to wake up anxiety free? I really don't have any reason to feel anxiety except to worry about my teenage daughter driving all around the metro area or taking the subway, her friends, her boyfriend, etc. Right now, she is maintaining a 3.75 GPA while working part-time and keeping up with a modest social life. But these are normal things to be concerned about not to have major anxiety about. My anxiety is more about the way I feel about myself (inferior, alone (even when I was working I never felt that I fit in- I could go through the motions but mainly felt I was faking my way through because I could never disclose that I had an illness). I may start the nerotin tonight. Please send good thoughts my way! You seem like you've found a way to hang in there - my hat is off to you!!!
Hugs and good thoughts for you always,
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.Helpful Web Sites:Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)