I edited your post. Discussion of suicide or threats of it anyway are against the forum rules. We can offer support only, but what you need is professional help and counseling. Please see the following resources.
National Suicide Hotline
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.
Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
Peter Waite, Founder/Editor
HealingWell.com - Community, Information, Resources www.healingwell.com