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manicmama
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/13/2006 11:27 PM (GMT -7)   
The mania I have been flying high on is slipping away.  The angry, irritable, emotional wreck is now taking over.  I feel like I am sinking and I am unreachable. I hate my self, and really have to get a grip.  I am obese.   I went to the dr. today, I gained 5 lbs.  Since the psch. doubled my depakote.  So my other dr. said I have minor damage to my left side of my heart.  I am 31, I have 3 babies, and from what I understand some serious mental illness issues!  I feel so overwhelmed, I finally am trying to take care of myself for the first time in over 3 years, and I just don't know how to start.  I have no time, or energy right now.  I just sit and day dream thoughts popping up fast and disappearing even faster.  I know what I'm thinking, but please don't ask me to repeat it.  It never comes out the way my thoughts sound in my head.  I am tired.  I am sorry if this sounds like a "woe is me" post.  I just needed empathy from others who have been blessed with bpd.   Do you ever feel like everything is annoying and irritating?  Like you're going to explode...deep breaths.    My poor husband, it seems he can't do anything that does not piss me off.  There's no hiding my change in moods.  And I am barely able to fake it, much less hold it together for my sons.  I find myself saying really unneccassary things to them.  At this point, it just comes out.   I gotta sleep now.  Thanks everyone for allowing me to be who I am.  Madness and all. 
Shady
 
DX:BP NOS, SAD, GAD, PTSD,PD,AGORAPHOBIA, recovering heroin addict (7yrs.),recovering methadone addict (4yrs),hypertension
 
RX:DEPAKOTE, Kolonopin,Toporol xl
 
Surgeries:Reconstructive shoulder surgery, breast reduction, tonsilectomy, and spinal meningitis all in the same 2 yrs.  1993/94
Twin pregnancy in 2002, gave birth 5 wks early, got pregnant 2 months later and gave birth exactly 12 months after having my twins.


smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/14/2006 3:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Shady,

Firstly I would like to congratulate you on your recovery , and well done for deciding that you need some TLC too.

Would you be able to ask your husband to have the children for a while so you can have some time to yourself - a bubble bath , read a book , do your nails - just be able to relax for a while and be you.

Have you ever considered joining a slimming club - there are plenty to choose from online , and a lot of them you can work out what their "plan" is from their free message boards so you don't have to subscribe (don't tell anyone I told you though eyes lol).

Annoying? Irritating? You bet! I swear , sometimes when I'm feeling like that I actually find things to be annoyed about.

I hope your DP lifts soon.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue


Bipolar Moderator
 
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
 
If HealingWell.com has helped you in some small or big way, please donate and enable us to continue helping others find their way to "healing well" at www.healingwell.com/donate/ thank you.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/14/2006 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   

(((((shady)))))

we have almost all been where you ae right now.  it is not a nice place to be.  we understand and empathise.  are you seeing a pdoc?  do your meds need tweeking?  sounds like it.  i was getting into one of my major depressions when my pdoc rxed welbutrin.  within three days i was getting better and haven't had a major depressive episode in months!  there's HOPE!

wishing you a rapid recovery amd gentle thoughts,

warren


manicmama
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/14/2006 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys.  Pursueded my 2 yr old to jump on my bed to check in.  What's a pdoc?  A Psychiatrist?  Yup,  for going on 5 months, he just upped my depakote, and wants me to take 3 kolonopin a day, but they mess me up.  I can't even move and with my 3 toddlers I gotta keep going.  It's a matter of a very fragile balance, I am eyes juggling so much stuff.  But I do see my dr.on the 19th, so I am definately going to bring up the weight gain and the darkness I can feel is looming just out of sight. 
 
I am going to look for a slimmer group next time I'm online...sometimes the obvious is not so obvious.  lol. 
 
I've heard good things about wellbutrin.  My dr said he wants to get ahold of my manic highs first.  He sent me to CBT, (cognitive behavioural therapy) for the depressive episodes, and clinical depression.  Forgive me if I sound ignorant about bpd.  I am still struggling to understand all of the terms of bpd, and I am adjusting to the recent diagnosis.  Oh, thank you all for the support, and understanding.  I have to face the world today and get out of my pajamas, brush my hair and teeth, and live. 
Shady
 
DX:BP NOS, SAD, GAD, PTSD,PD,AGORAPHOBIA, recovering heroin addict (7yrs.),recovering methadone addict (4yrs),hypertension
 
RX:DEPAKOTE, Kolonopin,Toporol xl
 
Surgeries:Reconstructive shoulder surgery, breast reduction, tonsilectomy, and spinal meningitis all in the same 2 yrs.  1993/94
Twin pregnancy in 2002, gave birth 5 wks early, got pregnant 2 months later and gave birth exactly 12 months after having my twins.


smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/15/2006 2:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for you Shady ,way to go yeah yeah yeah
Bipolar Moderator
 
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
 
If HealingWell.com has helped you in some small or big way, please donate and enable us to continue helping others find their way to "healing well" at http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 thank you.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/15/2006 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
moma,
 
FOFL!!!!!!!!  we all started out nieve about bp, the terms associated with it, and the "shorthand" used here and elsewhere.  you figured out pdoc on your own!  that's great!!  it took me several hours.  and it took me three days to figure out dx, but only 10 mins to figure out rx.  you are coming along nicely.  lol
 
the first thing that has to happen with bp is to get your moods stabelized.  this doesn't mean being a zombie (they did that to me when i first saw the shrink).  once you are stable, they can work on aspectsd of the bp, such as depression.  you must also remember that this illness is unique for every person it strikes and what works for me may blow you away.  there is no way of predicting outcomes of meds, so pdocs use trial and error, along with their experience, to rx. it may take a while before the pdoc gets your "cocktail" right (shaken. not stirred).
 
hope this helps.  keep us informed.
 
warren

manicmama
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/16/2006 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
cool  Well, don't know if it's all of your humor and advice, a normal mood swing, or my bp rapids kicking in but I feel better today!  yippeee lol.  Thanks for the cheers.  I am still super agressive, and agitated, but also extremely friendly as long as "you" don't... I don't know, look at me funny.  Or what ever sets me off.  You know when I feel like this, I think I am so darn funny, and I have been told that I should be a comedian.  I bet there are alot of bipolar comedians.  Just a thought, one of so very many, as I sit here listening to Ray Charles, "What'd I say?".  My boys are sleeping, and I should be cleaning the messy kitchen, but I am swept away in the internet world.  Have you all noticed that the music you listen to changes with your mood swings?  For me this is true.  I am rambling.  Thanks all.
Shady
 
DX:BP NOS, SAD, GAD, PTSD,PD,AGORAPHOBIA, recovering heroin addict (7yrs.),recovering methadone addict (4yrs),hypertension
 
RX:DEPAKOTE, Kolonopin,Toporol xl
 
Surgeries:Reconstructive shoulder surgery, breast reduction, tonsilectomy, and spinal meningitis all in the same 2 yrs.  1993/94
Twin pregnancy in 2002, gave birth 5 wks early, got pregnant 2 months later and gave birth exactly 12 months after having my twins.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/16/2006 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   
moma,
 
RAY CHARLES!!!!  you are eitherr a child of the 60s (like me) or had excellent parenting.  (yeah, right)  i must have sung Hit The Road Jack" thoughout high school.
 
know what you mean about getting "set off" with a sideways look - or a wrong word - or someone breathing.  doesn't take much, does it?
 
just letting you know that someone here understands.
 
hope this helps.
 
warren
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