I was invited to go to Temple Square in SLC....

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seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 12/15/2006 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
tonight with couple of friends and their family. I really wanted to go. At least it sounded good in theory. But I'm at home moping around and feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't get the energy, courage, whatever, to go. I'm in a depressive mode and I know it. I can't pull myself out of it. Hubby wanted me to go watch him bowl (leagues) and I said no to that also. I don't want to walk out the door. I want to be here where everything is familiar and comfortable. It's 4 pm and I've been in my pj's for about 2 hours now. I plan on taking my meds at 6 and my others around 9 or 10 and going to bed. I'm going to be a vegetable and watch Ghost Whisperer and Close to Home. I'm going to watch my birdie play with his toys and give him a treat and rub his head while he sings to me. Is that so bad? Or am I "hermiting"? Wallowing in my own self loathing and pitty? I'm just so very tired of it all. I'm just so tired.
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


LadyDragonfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 12/15/2006 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I hermit all the time. I have said this before...sometimes having a pitty party is the one thing that helps a depression. I think this is because you actually allow yourself to give up the fight for a while and just let it happen. It is not so much the depression that is so draining, but the energy needed to fight it, is draining. You try to please others in your life and you put on a brave front and you do what you have to do.

I say, WALLOW and enjoy it. Please don't waste your energy on self-loathing! Just because you have bipolar, well that doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't diminish your worth in this world. It doesn't ruin every other good, wonderful and positive aspect of YOU. This is just a burden we all carry, a dead weight to pull into the world with us. The baggage is lighter when you view yourself as worthwhile, deserving and good.

Besides, I envy you right now! I don't have my own bedroom put together in our house as I have been painting and putting in floors and whatnot. I am still sleeping in my recliner. I long to have my big cozy bed out of storage, put on a pair of my new PJs and veg in bed starting at about 3 in the afternoon and get my oldest girl to bring me hot tea in bed while I totally act like a baby in need of a nap.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!


smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/16/2006 4:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Chelle ,

How did you sleep hun?

*hugs*

Smiler tongue


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DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
 
If HealingWell.com has helped you in some small or big way, please donate and enable us to continue helping others find their way to "healing well" at http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
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seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 12/16/2006 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Smiler-

I actually slept all through the night! I didn't wake up once, which is really odd for me. I'm usually up at least once. I guess my relaxing and doing nothing paid off for once! Yeah!

BTW, thanks for asking about me.


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/16/2006 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   

chelle,

if i understand your title, you were invited to go to temple square in salt lake city.  if anyone even has half of an opportunity, GO.  i was there in the late 80s and was allowed to walk through the temple.  they only had a few rooms off-limits.  what a beautiful piece of architecture!  and the statue of jesus in the foyer - unbelieveable. 

i don't care what one's religion, being there alone was healing.  this is truely a holy place.

warren


Post Edited (wmnak) : 12/16/2006 5:20:50 PM (GMT-7)


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 12/16/2006 9:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Warren-

Ya, it's temple square in Salt Lake. It is a beautiful place. There is a spirit there that I can't explain. They have the entire square lit up for Christmas and it's magical. I haven't been to see them in quite a while for many reasons, long, long story. I really had every intension of going, but as the time to leave approached, I was having anxiety about leaving the house and getting out of what has become my routine. I wanted to just stay at home and hole up, in my pajamas and watch TV. I know my friends were disappointed but something was hanging on to me and I was frightened to leave the house. This is becoming more and more of a habit, my not wanting to get out of my jammies and go anywhere. I just want to sit in my chair and vegitate. I know it's wrong, I know it's not helping me. But I can't seem to get up enough energy. I feel like it takes all of my energy lately to get out of bed and do nothing. I did that today, been in my jammies all day. Took a shower and on went some clean ones. I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone. I don't know how to fix it, I don't know how to talk myself into outside activity. And as I sit here, the depression gets worse. It's a continuing cycle, round and round and round.


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/17/2006 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
chelle,
 
i know what you mean about not wanting to move.  add to my depression my chronic debilitating back pain, and i have the makings for an excuse to not want to even get out of bed, let alone shower, shave, and do whatever.  i don't even want to sit in my recliner!  now that's bad.  lol
 
my heart goes out to you for this bout of depression.  have you talked to your pdoc about it?  it sounds like an antidepressent might be in order.  the kind of depression that you are experiencing can be dangerous, based on my experience.  get help asap.
 
i could lend you my wife.  she doesn't let me lay around in a pity party or unable to move.  she just syas, "come on, you'e going!"  i just say, "yes, dear."  not really, but it's a good story.
 
did you have a similar depression after your hysterectomy?  many women go into a severe depression after one.  our daughter didn't after hers, but she is always different. it could also be the holidays.  they get a lot of people down.  the highest rate of suicide is during this "season of joy."  being jewish, i'm pretty immune to this particular depression.  any day is a good (or bad) day to die.  i'm trying to look for a pattern.  may be one, may not.  but i've gotta look.  that's just me.
 
hope that this helps.  please take care of you.
 
warren

seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 12/18/2006 3:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Warren-

The sad thing is that I've been on so many antidepressants that I can't name them. I was on Cymbalta for a couple of months but found it did nothing. Now I'm on Prozac, along with a smaller dose of Cymbalta and I'm on Imiprimine at night. I've been in and out of psych units the pat 6-7 weeks and so the answer to your talking to doctors is yes. I'm starting to feel like a lab rat. Yes, I had major depression after my hyster and this season stresses me out, money and all the other stuff that comes with it. I'm keeping track of my moods on a chart to see what my pattern is. How much depression I have and how long it lasts and the same with my manic phases. Seeing if there is a trigger for the moods also. I pray it works. 


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/18/2006 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   

chelle,

you are having a metaphysical experience.  you are doing everything right and it still isn't working.  there was an episode of star treck in which mr spok had the same experience.  at least you're in good company.

if you find a pattern, let me know.  i spent over 30  yrs of my life at work looking for patterns.  they fasenate me.i've been around longer, so i'd bet that i have taken more antidepressens than you.  noone of them really worked until my pdoc put me on welbutrin.  of course what wroks well for me may well kill you.  first lesson i tried to teach my grandaughters is that life isn't fair.  hard lesson for all of us.

i'm not trying to second guerss your pdoc, but there have been reports of prozac actually making depression worse, and possibly encouraging suicide.  i didn't have these problems when i was on it, but it also simply didn't work for me.  it's not fair.  lol

you said that you told your drs about the depression and your situation.  buit did they HEAR you?  drs can siometimes be asses when it comes to listening.

hon, i hope that some of this helps.  you can get through ths christmas season and enjoy it the way it was meant to be.  and never loose your faith.

warren


smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/18/2006 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Warren - I was given prozac at one time and it made me want to hurt other ppl , right out of the blue , no provocation at all , ppl I didn't even know. It was really hard to control myself (I didn't hurt anyone thankfully) it was also scary to watch myself being like that - I went back to the docs and stopped them.

 


Bipolar Moderator
 
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
 
If HealingWell.com has helped you in some small or big way, please donate and enable us to continue helping others find their way to "healing well" at http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 thank you.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/18/2006 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   
there is in law a precedent called the "prozac defence."  it happened around 10 yrs ago.  person a murdered person b and blamed it on ther prozac - claimed it was a side-effect.  the defence didn't fly, but it was attempted,  never know where reality lies.
 
warren
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