Questions About Bipolar

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rainey
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/19/2006 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi:  I have been posting on the depression forum, but I have questions about bipolar.  I've been married for 24 years and have 3 children.  Throughout the 24 years our marriage has been very rocky.  What I mean by that is my husband is very verbally abusive he also at times has been physically abusive with me.  Not so much now physical because I had a restraining order against him and had him thrown out of the house years ago.  I guess he learned what he can and cannot do to me.  Although the last time he hit me was back in August and left a nice size bruise on my arm.
 
He seems to cycle between hi's and low's every 2 weeks, sometimes a little longer.  At the drop of a pin he can go off.  Sometimes I don't have to say anything to cause it.  Ever since friday when my husband could not video tape our daughters christmas program he went into a manic state.  He called our 19 year old daughter and told her that he loves her but don't enjoy her and does not enjoy talking to her.  He also told her that he's been wanting out of this marriage for a long time now and so on.
 
I have tried to bear with him because I know something is not right with him.  He refuses to seek any kind of professional help.  He says he's normal.  What in the world can I do to help him.?  I love him very much but do not like what he dos to me and the kids.
 
Just this morning at 2:00 am He came downstairs and woke me up as I slept on the sofa and said let's make things right.  He always does this to me.  I told him that I wanted him to go for help and he said that if that's what I thought of him that he could be bipolar then we have nothing.  Maybe I'm stupid or something so I agreed not to bring the issue up again.  I just can't stand it, I know something is not right and he is in utter denial.
 
I'm so sorry that I have kind of written a novel I did not mean to.  I recently went to my family doctor and they put me on Cymbalta which did not agree with me at all and she has now changed my med over to Lexapro.
 
Is there any advice you can give me on how to handle, deal with, and cope with what has been going on?  Thank you in advanced.  

smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/19/2006 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello rainey ,

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.

From where I'm standing there IS something wrong. When he is low does he get depressed , has he ever hinted that something might be worrying him about the way he acts when he's high.

It seems people are sometimes less in denial when they are low , but totally defensive of themselves when high.

You have had the courage in the past to get a restraining order - do you think you could find the courage to tell a professional about his symptoms so that they can get involved? It doesn't look like he will get help on his own. It may mean you won't be together while he starts treatment as he might resent the fact that you told someone about him , and he may get angry , but in the long run it will benefit you both.

Let me know how you are , no matter what you decide to do.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue


Bipolar Moderator
 
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
 
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rainey
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/20/2006 3:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Smiler:
 
Thanks for responding.  When my husband is depressed he has never even made the slightest remark or hint that he feels something is wrong.  For a matter of fact yesterday in the wee hours of the morning he said "I don't know how to fix thimgs", unless this is the type of thing that you would be talking about.  He was very teary eyed and told me also that he was very dependant on me. 
 
Thanks for listening. 

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/20/2006 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
rainer,
 
smiler, i love you dearly, but must disagree with you about rainer's husband.  how many pdocs and therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?  one, but only if the l;ight bulb wants to change.  rainer's husband doesn't want to change at this point in time.  if he doesn't want to change, no power on god's green earth will force him to.
 
rainer, if you want to stay married "because of the kids" what lessons are the kids learning from their mother and father?  that it's ok for a man to beat up on a woman?  that it's ok for a man to take his frustrations and insecurities out verbally.  rainer, he says he wants out of the marriage.  well, be careful what you wish for, you miight just get it.
 
i can only see pain and suffering in your future, rainer.  sorry, but you will learn that with me, i just call it as i see it.  i hope that your husband will get help.  you cannot get it for him.  as long as he is not a danger to himself or others, you have no legal recourse for getting him help.  you cannot get him involuntarily committed.
 
sorry to be som blunt, but you asked for our opinions.  i hope that you are able to get your situation resolved satisfactorily.
 
warren

smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/20/2006 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   

yeah , if he's not truely wanting help then he probably won't ever change even if you do get someone out to him.

I had to leave someone because of their behaviour towards me - I only lasted 7 years.

I'm still on speaking terms with him and I take our daughter to see him.

I am now in a happy relationship - 5 years so far.

There is life after divorce.


Bipolar Moderator
 
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
 
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rainey
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/20/2006 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi wmnak:
 
Thanks for your response.  It's okay to be blunt with me, as I'm so confused and hurt so badly.  In my honest opinion I really don't think that my husband really means that he wants out of our marriage.  This is a way of trying to manipulate me and scare me out of my wits.  My husband relies on me too much for that.
I do understand that if he does not want help that Nobody but him can get the help that he needs.  I guess that someday when I just can't take it anymore that I will end up leaving him.  It breaks my heart to think that I've wasted 24 years of my life with him.  Just to let you know also,, my kids are ages 13, 19 and 20. I really am not staying with him just because of the kids.  I do love this man and want so badly to have everything be okay.  "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink".  I guess time will tell.
Thanks again for your response.
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