I Need Relationship Help

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/2/2007 8:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Okay here it goes if im rambling im so sorry. Im 22 and he's 21. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and half he is bp and a rapid cycler. From day one i fell in love with him but from day one he has lied to me. the first four months of our relationship he lied about taking his meds. I found out after he was 3000 in debt and had to move in with his parents. im just confused because he is so sneaky and he lies to try to justify everything. i feel like our whole relationship has been a rollercoaster of lying and forgiveness. he started back in college after he moved home and he would lie about his grades and eventually flunked out. he told me he wasn't ready, he got fired from his job and he said he knew they were going to fire him because he had gotten lazy. i was in college at the time too and it was hard for me too. Lastly i finished college and had to move away b/c there were no jobs in the area and the past month has been bad. he has lied about drinking which he told me his doc told him he can have 2 beers max and that was his promise to me, but apparently he has been drinking a lot more and you know when you drink it drops the lithium levels and he started to have a depressive cycle and didn't realize it. he lied to me continuously and then he told his friends he cheated on me but swore to me nothing happened so i called the girl. luckly he was telling the truth. His parents are amazing they are wonderful to him and me and did a wonderful job raising him. my parents are so quick to judge and i hate that why do people have to be so judgemental? i love him and yes i can do this for the rest of my life no one said life is easy but its hard to stand by someones side when you continuously get hurt. we always joke around that we want to set a good example and show that relationships can work but im having doubts!

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 1/3/2007 1:21 AM (GMT -6)   
My intuition says you are working with more than bipolar illness here. You are indeed on a rollercoaster of lying and forgiveness. To be very blunt, why would YOU want to do this for the rest of your life?

If this were just his bipolar problem, okay, how do you convince him he has to take his meds, if you even can. That is one thing to live with and many, many people live with bipolar people, and do so successfully. It IS a feature of bipolar I not to take their meds. It IS NOT feature of bipolar illness to lie to loved ones, to be lazy and get fired from a job, to sneak around and claim to have affairs just to manipulate the people they "love."

I don't think your relationship is truly working. You don't prove anything to anyone by standing by someone who is lying and purposefully trying to hurt you. In my considered opinion, he is blaming his behavior on his bipolar illness, when the problem sits squarely on his own shoulders. His biggest problem is HIM.

It is a pat answer, and my chicken way out to say this, but I think you should find yourself a therapist and see them, regularly. I think you are in over your head here and you need someone who is objective and trained to help you find your way to the surface. You deserve a relationship where you are treated as someone who counts, not as though you had "WELCOME" tattooed on your chest. You don't need to be a doormat for anyone. With so much of your focus on his problems, when do you have time to focus on YOUR needs? I'd love to see you figure out what a wonderful, important and valuable person you are, and that you see that you deserve oh so much better.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 1/3/2007 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
dragonfly sdaid it about as well as it could be said.  why would you want to do this to yourself?  what great sin are you trying to atone for?
the basis for any lasting relationship is honesty.  you are not even getting this basic foundation from this man.  you yay you"love" him.  i tell my grandaughters that they're not in love, they're in hormones.  perhaps this applies to you?  (i'm not trying to get perspnal or anything here).
i also agree that this dude is blaming his transgressions on bp.  what happens when he starts blaming them on you?  this type of personality traditionally cannot take responsibility for their own actions and are always trying something/someone that they can blame for thier basic inability to cope with reality.
sorry to be so negative on you, hon.  but your posting implied that you wanted honest opinions.  there's mine.  hope it helps.
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

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