Bi-Polar II and procrastination

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socks
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 1/2/2004 6:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Good evening,

I have recently been diagnosed Bi-Polar II, Have been taking Depakote for 3 weeks or so. Just looking for some other people out there that are major procrastinators. This is one of he bigger problems in my life, just avoiding doing anything right now. I just am sitting and watching movies, trying to not think about going to work on Monday. I feel so different than I did just a few short weeks ago. I don't know how to feel anymore. I have been so off balance for so long, taking so many stupid risks throughout my whole life. My Pdoc says not to dwell on the failures because they are only a small part of me. It is so hard when you thought you were one thing and now find you are something different.

I seem to go from sad to mad to nothingness in a matter of hours. I should be so thankful for the life that I have, it could all be so different. THe triggering event for me going into this deepest depression was the death of my niece, 29 years old to cervical cancer. She was the mother of a 10 month old baby girl and a 7 year old boy. She was the sweetest and most giving person I have ever known. How I miss her!!! She suffered for a year and lost her battle in mid November. I didn't get to spend any time with her before she died but I did at least talk with her via email and at the last time by phone. She was so weak but still hopeful. I know that she is at peace and that is a small comfort. Two weeks before that, friends of ours lost their twelve year old son to cancer. He was a good friend of my own twelve year old son. Now today, I get news that my cousin has died of ALS. I wasn't close to her but it has hurt my sister and mother and in turn, makes me feel bad.

My 12 year old is going through the hard transition from boy to teenager and is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. I see so much of me in him and I feel such guilt that he may be headed in the same direction that I have gone. Again, Pdoc says that lets get me back together and then we can work on him if he needs help.

A question, are any of you with this diagnosis working in high stress jobs? I have been on vacation for 2 weeks and will be going back to a very stressful environment. No real choice as I am the breadwinner for our family of 4. Therapist recommended that I take some time off but don't think it's possible. Not sure what I would do with myself anyway besides start swapping recipes with the lady at the video store!

Any pearls of wisdom would be so appreciated. I need to talk with someone other than my spouse, he has been the subject of many hurtful events in our lives. He has been the deliverer of many problems too but he's too close to this to be objective.

Thanks in advance,

Socks

socks
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 1/3/2004 11:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Sage,

I am seeing a therapist and have seen her at various times over the last 3 years. She has been helpful and when I went to see her after the diagnosis in a frenzy, she did a good job of calming me down. She is trying help me see that this is something I can live with. I really have never trusted anyone in my life including family but I know I must trust the Pdoc and her. It's a real stretch for me. I am not used to placing my fate in others hands!

I was wondering about the Depakote. I have no idea what will happen when it kicks in, will I just be flat or have a better outlook at that point?Should my Pdoc do any blood work to determine the thearpeutic level(?) or will that come later?

How long have you been dealing with your illness? Do you work, etc?

I also did start a journal on New Years Eve as a way to jot down my thoughts and keep track of them. My moods and thoughts move so rapidly that I cannot remember from day to day what I was feeling. I guess I thought that was normal, whatever that means!

Thanks Again for the post! Will there be a chat tonight?

Socks

socks
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 1/3/2004 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks!

solo
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 359
   Posted 1/29/2004 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   
hey socks, i had no idea you had ben thru so much. no wonder you are so down - death is a terrible blow, especially when children are involved, so distressing. you must be suffering everyone elses pain, as well as your own. im so sorry for all concerned.
and don't i know about the teenage thing - my kids have had me in tears more times than i care to remember - my son wentthru his "hormonal phase" and often couldnt bear the sound of my voice - it was so painful for me, but i knew what he was going thru and could forgive him - just give him a lot of "room" and leeway to go thru it - im sure you'll al be fine.
and dont forget to take time out for you - a nice long walk in the sunshine or a candlelit bath with loads of yummy essential oils - you're the one who counts the most - likeyour t says - fix you first and all else will follow!!
who knows what tomorrow may bring
fight your way thru the darkness-
slowly
you will find,
your own song
to sing

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