Going crazy!!!!

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countrygal
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   Posted 1/26/2007 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
 Well if any of you have read any of my past posts.You know that my husband has been planning to leave.And that I think he is bipolar.From past years together and my therapist and such.Anyhow it had made me very depressed and had to go to doc and get on anti-depressants and xanax at bedtime.Well I feel like I have dealt with it pretty well>but it is very hard as I love him very much.Advice has really helped.And I thought I was ready to deal with whatever happened.But today we had just a small argumant and he went to get the car fixed and my nerves have literally gone all to pieces.I am home with my son.We only have the one car.I just dont know what in the world it will be like for me when he is gone.Just having to deal with everything by myself.My son had an axiety attack last night.I just dont think he realizes how hard it is from my end.But maybe he really cant.I dont know.I just had to talk to someone...I'll have to take a daytime xanax.I never have to do trhat...
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


countrygal
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   Posted 1/26/2007 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
 P.S. You know my son already has anxiety.I dont know what it would do to him to go with his father long enough for me to get straight.I have already thought about homeschooling.He has such a hard time at school.But right now I couldnt handle it.But I don't want my son to become depressed,as he is already real close...HELP!!!

I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 1/26/2007 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
gal,
 
sorry you're having such a hard time.  sometimes life is just a *****.  for you, this seems to be one of those times.
 
how will you deal with eveything when he's gone?  he**, i don't know HOW; but i DO know that you will.  and that you will do it well.  it's the hurt that is causing your anxiety.  some call it "mind chatter."  "when he's gone who will clean the gutters?  who will get the car fixed?  who will fix the fuses?  who will fix the toilet when it keeps running."  etc ad nausium.
 
point is, you WILL handle it.  when i became disabled i had similar mind chatter.  some things i can still do.  some things i have to pay someone to do.  but eveything gets done.  and everything will get done in your world to.  how?  god provides.  things just happen.  doors open up.
 
let's talk a minute about your son.  i am concerned about him.  sorry, if you ever said how old he is, i've forgotten.  for the most part, kids don't pick up on actions but rather they pick up on emotions.  they don't know that anything is wrong until the emotions of their parents tells them that there is something wrong.  kids also tend to internalize.  if something goes wrong in their univerrse, they blame themselves.  this blame often (usually) leads to anxiety.  i was in my 20s when my maternal grandmother died.   i loved her more than anything.  and, even in my 20s, i somehow felt responsible for her dieing of cancer.  stupid?  no.  just normal internilization.  your son, regardless of his age, needs a lot more "cuddeling" and reassurance now than he has ever needed in the rest of his life combined.  what he is going through is more than the flu or even a broken bone.
 
hope this helps.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.


countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/26/2007 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
 Oh warren it always does.Thanks once again for putting things in perspective.my son just turned 14 and had a terrible time in middle school and does need lots of hugs.Please take care! :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/27/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
 Warren,I hope you read this as I know you can answer.If not I will post to you.Do you ever get so restless you just have to get out of the house and go somewhere,lowes for nails,or just anywhere.How wonderful was your wife at dealing with that.I am lucky in that now I know its him not me,and you guys have helped me with that.But until he seeks the help he needs,how do I deal with this...He says his skin crawls to get out and do stuff he gets so restless......Thanks alll :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 1/27/2007 9:13 PM (GMT -7)   
gal,
 
first, i want to talk about your son.  14 is a TERRIBLE age.  the hormones just begin to flow.  parts of the body grow at different rates as other parts (mom, is my nose too big?).  kids at this age are prone to "falling in love."  i call it "falling n harmones."  my grandkids hhated it when i said that.  lol
 
add to this internal physical and psychological turmoil the trauma of a sepaation/divorce and the emotions associated with THAT and you have nitro getting mexed with glycerine.  shaken, not stirred.  your watch especially for changes in behavior.  you mentioned that he had a hard time in school last yr.  is this unusual?  has he gotten a new set of friends?  is he more secretive than a normal 14 yr old?  don't be a drudge or a spy,  but, if you love him, watch him closely.  he could (not necessarily will) get mixed up with the underworld of drugs or gangs.  he is a prime target for these bast*rds.
 
to counter any unwanted inppingement on him, give him a LOT of attention and see id your husband (ex?) can too.  let him know that he's ok and has nothing to do with your breakup.  you might also consider counceling (lady dragonfly, who is studying to be a coucelor, would undoubtedly agree with this sugestion).
 
now, for your other question.  i call it the "heebee jeebies."  it is common with bp (from my personal experience and from what i have read) as well as with several forms of mental illness.  it isn't "normal" behavior, but it is not unusual given the probability of illness.  the restlessness is a symptom of the disease, it is not a disease in and of itself.  if he is not hurting hmself or anybody else, let him act it out.  but be careful.  one of the symptoms of mania is spending a lot of money that you may, or may not, have.  if you can, keep an eye on the savings, checking, and credit card accounts.  as with your son, you don't have to be beligerant or harsh.  just keep an eye on things.  when he's out, he is unsuperrvised and can get himeslf, and the family, in trouble.
 
my wife is a gem.  when i get the heebee jiebies, she says, "ok.   where are we going?"  and off we'll go.  once in england we went from london all the way to the gauer penninsula in wales!  i have chronic debilitating back pain and take narcotics for the pain.   my pain management dr put me on morphene yesterrday.  god the pain was aweful!!!!!!!!!!  i drive as little as possible.  if i have an accident, it's automatically my fault beacause i'm taking narcotics and if i get stopped for any reason i can go to jail because i carry some with me at all times in case i get bad "breakthrough" pain.  but that's my problem and a totally different story.
 
you asked how you deal with his acting out?  disassociate yourself from his behavior.  recognise that it's his illness and not yours.  also get in close contact with your own emotions.  again, therapy might help.  you may love him, but right now his behavior is unacceptable and hurtful.  see it for what it is ans act accordingly.
 
hope this helps.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.


countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/27/2007 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
 Oh Warren I knew it would make good sense.Sometimes you just have to be told.Now I feel like I can go to bed and sleep...Thanks,Take care of yourself.I will read this everytime I need too.
I am so sorry you must go thru so much and very glad you have someone behind you...Til next time
 I'll be your huckleberry! :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 1/28/2007 3:04 AM (GMT -7)   
gal,
 
my ego is really massaged by your faith in me.  i an a 60 yr old man (61 on the 29nd) who has lived a long time - some say too long. devil    heck, if i'd have known i'd live this long, i'd have taken better care of meyself.  what i do on this and other forums is to share my experiences with others to lighten their burdens, point them in a healthful direction, and let them know that they are not alone.  these are experiences and opinions.  they are to be taken for what they are.  no more and no less.  i am not a dr, nor a therapist.  i don't have the education, the experience, nor the license.  i care a lot about you and the rest of this dysfunctional cyber "family."  that's why i share what i do. i want to help and hope that what i say will help.  sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.  sometimes people get angry at what i have to say (see my postings on the chronic pain forum - lol).  that's the beauty of a public forum like this.
 
you did a "no no" in one of your posts.  NEVER put your e-mail address on a posting and be VERY reluctant to put in in your public profile.  this is a public forum.  anyone can (and does) read these postings and profiles.  geoffry dommer could be cyber-stalking you right now.  lol.  not really, but i hope yo get the point.  it's just not a good idea.
 
i never give out my e-mail address on the internet.  to me it's like my social security number.  i don't even give my ssn to doctors.  the only legal reason they need them is to fill out a death certificate and i don't plan on dieing any time soon.  i accept and thrive on the annonymity of forums like this.  you can picture me any way you want and i can do the same for you.  i think that's wonderful.  it also provides a distance which makes conversations like this easier.  i doubt if you would stop me on the street and present your problems to me.  :-)    for that matter, if i were just a man off the street and told you what i did in this thread i doubt if you would give it much credance.
 
just some thoughts for you to consider.
 
warren


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

Post Edited (wmnak) : 1/28/2007 3:13:54 AM (GMT-7)


countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/28/2007 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
 I understand.It is just thats why the advice helps so much.You guys have been there and already know.I did'nt realize with the email thing.Sometimes I'm just thinking hard in one direction,and don't realize what I've done.Especially when I have my cloud,which i9s not as often since I've been talking here.Everyone has really heled :-)   am sorry you are in so much pain...It looks like with everything they can do today,they could help.And I am gso glad your wife is able to be in there.I know I should not allow this no matter how good a man he has been.I have got to help,yet take my life back.And by the way 60 is not old! I will be there in 15 short years...Thanks for being here.I will try not to single you out so much...I said TRY :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 1/28/2007 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
gal,
 
i'm glad you cleaned up the e-mail thing.  it could really lead to bad experiences.
 
what i was trying to do in my last post was to put my advice in perspective.  yes, i've been a lot of places and done a lot of things in my life.  i have had to start from scratch and rebuild my life from nothing three times.  i have been penniless and have grown and prospered.  i have had people try to murder me and have lived long enough to see them die in agony.  this is all actual experience.  i give my experience as freely as the birds give their song.  i just hope that what i contriute is helpful and never hamful.  i have received this help from this forum myself and consider it a quid pro quo. 
 
when i see a thread that i think may benefit from my comments, i enter a post.  what is done with that post is up to the recipient.  it is an expression of personal experience is is NOT a substatute for professional counceling. 
 
you, or anyone in this forum, can ask for my help or opinion anytime.  as you said, i've probably been there and can tell my experience.  helping is a mitzvah in judaism:  a happily given religious duty.  this is my mitzvah.
 
i hope this clears things up a bit.  please take care of yourself and see to your son.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.


countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/28/2007 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
 I will tahnks warren.I learned more tonight and will go to bed broken hearted sad But I'll be okay.I 'll do the best I can anyways.I think you must have been right,maybe I should let him go...Please take care.I will be reading... :-)

I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


COPSTER
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 1/29/2007 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   

After reading some of your advice and troubles I feel like my problems are not that important. I finally talked to the nurse at the clinic and she wants me to go and get evaluated. The hospital is a good 50 miles away. It is really to isolated, and I would feel so bad thinking that my boy does'nt know where I am. He is 4. And even if I go in, the house will be a mess when I come out. It is just a given that I will have at least 2 days of cleaning. Then again my wife does work and I can see how hard it would be to come home and then clean, and have the boy, and cook dinner. I don't know what I am going to do. I know I should go but it is just so hard for me to go. PEACE OF THE LORD.


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 1/29/2007 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   
copster,
 
you seem to be suffering from a lack of perspective.  when you got married did your wife just buy a slave with bedroom privilages?  i think not.  if she loves you she will support you.  if that means cleaning the house while you are getting a bandaid applied at a hospital, then that's what it means.  i always get into this arguement with my wife:  it may not be done the way you would have done it, but it got done! 
 
same is true about your separation anxiety with respect to your son.  will he die or go into uncontrollable pyroxisms if you are gone for a day or two?  give the kid more credit than that.  i submit that YOU are the one with the problem and that YOU are the only one who can fix it.
 
did you know that if a fox is caught is a trap it will chew it's leg off to excape.  that animal has more perspective than most of us.  the fox knows what's important and is willing to suffer and sacrafice to get it.
 
hope this helps.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.


countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/29/2007 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
 copster-I think its great you can go get help.and you have a wife at home to help.Please do this for you.I know I'm one to give advice.My husband will be gone after this week.He says he'll be there for us.Heck hes not here for us now.They upped my meds and I am very determended.People here have given me strength,like warren is giving you....HUGS!!! :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
 
I suppose I'm derranged..
 
 
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...


COPSTER
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 1/30/2007 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Here I am again, all manic out. I hadto take the boy to "little people's school". I usually get everthing around and together. Floor are mopped, living room is picked up and vacume, make the beds. which includes washing the sheets evey week. Now I am ready to spend some money. Last week a sold a boat that I had. Wisely my wife took the money. She works at the bank and i can't get away with anything. That was the money handle and bill paying. Don't let me fool ya, she spoils me alot. March 8 is are aniversary of "going together". 23 years ago. Best thing that I ever did. PEACE OF THE LORD.

countrygal
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/30/2007 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
 For what you have to deal with day to day,you are truly blessed...Take care...will see you again here :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
 
I suppose I'm derranged..
 
 
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...


smiler
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 1/31/2007 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Copster , you have a wonderful wife and she would want the best for you , what will happen if you don't go and your situation gets worse? Now THAT would hurt your wife MUCH more than doing two days of cleaning.

Now go get that evaluation!

Smiler tongue


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COPSTER
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Total Posts : 23
   Posted 1/31/2007 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Something that was funny a few weeks ago. My wife keeps all the boxes that all the toys come in. I told her that we need to have a garage sale. She told me we weren't getting rid of it untill I get fixed. I told her that I saw it on tv and the guy did not look cofterble. She came off the couch and said, "and I was confterble giving birth to your baby!'" Well if you put it that way. PEACE OF THE LORD.

smiler
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   Posted 1/31/2007 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
tongue  I have given birth ---> in turn that gave me a daughter with a considerable amount of toys ---> and that gives me a hard time keeping on top of what to keep and what to give away confused I find it so hard to decide what to get rid of , I have to be sturn with myself because she only has so much room.....and , oh boy , when it starts to creep into other rooms it gets out of control and makes cleaning so much harder eyes
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countrygal
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   Posted 1/31/2007 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
 I hope everyone is doing great...If I could back a truck up to my sons room and hawled most of it off,it would still be full... :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
 
I suppose I'm derranged..
 
 
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...


COPSTER
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 2/5/2007 1:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Gal   Talking about your sons room, it brings up a short stories.  When I was 18 I pretty much forced in the navy. the day I was shipping out, they had over booked by three and I was one of the three that had to go back,and ship 2 days later. When I got home my room was gone, my shoes were thrown away, my cloths were gone...can you feel the love. PEACE OF THE LORD.

countrygal
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   Posted 2/5/2007 2:10 PM (GMT -7)   
 Oh my gosh! I am so sorry.I wpuld never do that.Matter of fact my 22 year old is back home for awhile.Many(((HUGS))) :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
 
I suppose I'm derranged..
 
 
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...


wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 2/5/2007 8:16 PM (GMT -7)   
wait until you get grandkids and great-grands!  out grands are all grown up with the youngest going off to college next semester.  we had the one of the great-grands today.  he's three and a real handfull!  we went to wal-mart and he told us that everything was his.  would be nicwe to have a great-grand named sam walton.  :-)
 
we keep the great-grands toys to a large basket serving as a toy box.  problem is it keeps growing!  the amazing growing toy box!
 
copster you reminded me of several vaudville and burlesque jokes (i'm not saying that your experience was funny, only that i have a strange sence of humor.)  if we can laugh at ourselves and our situations, we mighht just survive this incarnation.
 
my parents always wrapped my lunch in a roadmap.  once i came home from school and they had moved.  no farwarding address.
 
my dad had a peculiar way of teaching me to swim.  the big rocks tied around my hands and feet were easy.  but getting out of that bag was murder.
 
hope this puts things into perspective.  copster:  shalom m'lechem.  (god's peace be with you).
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.


smiler
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   Posted 2/6/2007 2:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Copster  , you are master of your own things now , and you can rest easy knowing that that will never happen to you again , and that you would never do that to your own child :-)

Warren , I NEED one , no TWO (dozen!) of those amazing growing toy boxes - maybe your dad had a peculiar way of teaching you to swim , but have you ever tried to swim through toys? tongue


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wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 2/6/2007 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
smiler, they just grow of thei own volition. thing is, there's always more toys than toyboxes. these kids have more toys at our house than i ever had when i was a kid. were we all deprived? all my wife says she ever wanted as a kid was an easybake oven (the ones with a 100 w bulb in them that actually cooked cakes and such). i wanted a cowboy suit with guns and a conchoe belt. never got it. we survive these blemishes to our souls. maybe that's the reason for the majical exxpanding toy box.

warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
Some day you'll learn that a good bm is better than sex.
 
Insanity is defined as doing the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

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