I have been trying really hard to stay strong with what I consider a complete mess! I've talked to my mom about it and she thinks that I'm thinking completely irrationally about everything.
I just want a home near my family for me and the kids. I have the money and I know what price range to stay in and yet, the community makes it so difficult. I find it hard not to cry every time I clean the dishes knowing that I'm cleaning them somewhere I don't want to be! I guess that just goes to show how sick in the head I am right now.
While I was at my parents house this weekend, I thought that I had a fool proof plan to get a place over the weekend, come back up here and pack my stuff and rent a u-haul and be in the new place by the next weekend. Well, that flew out and hit me in the face hard! Not only did I get obsessed with two particular houses, the renters of the houses strung me along like a puppet. The first guy says he'll rent to me (this was on Thursday) that all he needed to do was check my credit and make sure I didn't have any evictions on my record, (which I don't) and then he never calls back and when my dad drove past there yesterday, someone else is moving in. The second one was even better. Right next to an elementary school, on an off road street so I don't have to worry so much about the kids getting hit by a car. Fenced in back yard and in perfect price range and the guy says "I've just go to check out with your old landlord and we'll get the papers signed and get you moved in." Well, I know for a fact he talked to my old manager because she called me and she said she told him all good things. Did I get a call back? No! Every time the phone rang, my heart would start to pound and I'd get all excited thinking they were finally calling me back, but it was never them. It's sad to say but I started to resent my friends and family that were calling because I felt at the time that it was their fault for giving me false hope even thought they couldn't have known.
So, today is a new day of hoping that that guy calls and tells me its a go. I don't know how to deal with this panic as severe as it has been the last week. It's like have one big continuous panic attack and it really really sucks.
Well, I just needed to vent and I appreciate everyone who listened and if any of you have ideas on what works for you to calm down easier in stressful situations, I'd really appreciate the advice.