obbessive with the scales and hate looking in the mirror

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marchello
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/25/2007 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
hey i hope someone can try and help me as i think i have got this dysmorphic disorder, where i hate how i look and my apperance and i cant even look in the mirror just need a bit of advice to see if anyone can try and help me to help me find my way and be happy with who i am coz i dont like what i look like and i cant help what i think of myself anymore and really i havent really cared to be honest i dont try and think bout myself i prefer to care for someone else rather than care for myself. and i dont know why im like this for confused
please pm me or email if anyone can help with this issue and if someone can tell me if its actually what ive got this dysmorphic disorder. confused
thanks Aimz

Post Edited (marchello) : 2/25/2007 9:59:58 AM (GMT-7)


mirage
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/25/2007 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Have you seen a doctor about this, or is this the first time you've told anyone about your feelings?  I don't have dysmorphic disorder, but I am a "recovered" anorexic, was anorexic for three and half years in my early teens, and was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar a year ago.  Self-hatred was HUGE for me, and still is.  I go in spurts now, but the worst by far was when I was anorexic, and weighed myself obsessively, stared at myself in EVERY reflective surface, and would sometimes cry hysterically in dressing rooms.  My moods and behaviors were COMPLETELY controlled by my weight, the way I looked, the way my clothes fit, what I had eaten that day, and so on.  I've never felt comfortable in my own skin, and have spent/wasted many hours of my life distraught over it.  You mention being obsessive with weighing yourself, and looking in the mirror, what do you think when you see yourself?  Is it that you think you are fat, you think you are ugly, or you just feel worthless, or all of the above?  I certainly wouldn't know exactly what it is you have, but you are CERTAINLY not alone.  That is a horrible feeling though, especially when you feel like there's more important things you should be obsessing about, but I know it's not an easy thing to control, because the more you feel guilty about spending so much time thinking about it, the worse you feel.  I'm sorry you feel this way.  The good news is that it CAN get better.  I could have wasted away from my anorexia, but today, I am in good physical health, and despite having many other issues, I have gotten and am getting the help I need, and I have to say that body issues are now some of the least of my concerns.  I don't feel perfect, but I also didn't know it was possible to ever feel this good about myself.  (Good for me may be different than it is for some people, but I'm ok with that).  I think it's so important not only to share it with your dr, but to also trust your instincts and make sure your dr understands it.  There are some doctors out there who are excellent for helping with this sort of thing, and others who don't seem to have much understanding for it.  Thankfully, you don't need to settle for one who doesn't know what it's like, because there are many who have dealt with it before.  I think it's also so important to find someone you trust, a friend, or family member, who won't judge you, whom you can confide in and lean on for support.  That is so crucial to getting better.  I remember sometimes feeling like I didn't want to burden other people, and feeling like I wasn't worth talking about to other people, it was a really low place.  But trusting someone to care for you and help you through this is just so important.  Anyway, I hope this has been helpful to you.  I'm sorry I'm so long-winded, :-) I just sensed the urgency and sadness in your post and wanted you to know you weren't alone and that you can recover from this.  It takes time, but you are worth it.  And I bet other people don't see you anywhere near in the light that you see yourself.  Please do take care, let us know how things go.  I feel weird posting so much when I'm new to this board, but I sure do know how this feels.  Take care,

Mirage


marchello
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/25/2007 11:40 AM (GMT -7)   
this is the first ive known bout this disorder as i wanted to look it up first and i only typed in body image/ appearance problems as thats wht im lke i was bit scared of searching as me and my fiance was talking how i hate my body so much and ive sed ive never like myself but i dont no why, but everyones differnt and somepeople are different.
would you say i have this disorder?
i have to get away from any mirrors although ive tried being normal and trying to stay there for a while but i cant help but like run lol.
i think it is de to my eating as im anorexic and ive not long discovered that either.
im paranoid how i look and think people are talking bout me or saying stuff bout me i hate going out but  only go if i need to put i try and cover myself with my coat hat jacket.
if i have got this then i will be seeing someone but i dont want to go and see a pysotherpist as thts where im heading i think or something that as im on the waiting list to see someone.
i hate talking bout myself.
i love going on the scales i cant help it but its just a habbit but now theyve been taking away from me i feel low and thats all because i think im fat so i want to go on then and i dont like looking in the mirror coz if i do then i notice my hamster cheecks and freek out but i dont lose weight on purpose thats why im avoiding the mirrors but i try and look now and gen but i just cant face it.
if i put on weight im happy but if i lose it i cant do nething bout it and foos bores me like talking bout it all the time.
 
ive been trying to do it on my own and ive try to dress like normal people wud but i cant feel comftable in myself and i hate inside and out of me.
i dont want to have to go to people but i thought bout going on the net as i thought i wud share my probs aswell as finding help instead of going doctors.
 
thanks for replying 

mirage
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/25/2007 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey,

I'm glad you're posting, even if you haven't gone to see someone yet.  It takes a lot of courage and strength, and I know it can be discouraging if you don't find somebody good right away.  As for your question about if you have dysmorphia, you mentioned that you do have anorexia, and having had it myself, I know that dysmorphia is one of the central features of it, where you look in the mirror and see something that, quite frankly no one else sees.  Usually, you see all of your flaws magnified and thrown in your face, you think you're fat, you think you're ugly, you pick apart little things about yourself, but on such a huge scale that the end product is you seeing something that is sooo far from what other people see when they look at you.  For me, it was thinking I was enormous when in fact I was skeletal.  So I think dysmorphia is a big, glaring part of anorexia.  I too had to have the scales taken away.  For the first week, I cried and cried, it was like withdrawal.  For my therapy, I had a dr who specialized in treatment of eating disorders, a psychiatrist, AND a dietitian who specialized in eating disorders.  I had gone to other doctors and therapists who had no CLUE what it was like, and who in fact made it worse.  One told me I wasn't really THAT skinny (I was 88 pounds), and why was I afraid to be fat anyway?  If someone acts that way to you, they are not a good therapist, period, because they don't understand what you are going through.  You say you hate talking about yourself.  I know what that feels like too, because it took me YEARS to seek help for my bipolar, and only last year I began to see a therapist.  Even now, I feel so much shame when I talk about myself, and cringe at the thought of being judged, and so I get a HORRIBLE red body rash that sometimes covers my neck and my face while I'm talking.  I used to get it too while I was at work, while out and talking to people, it was a result of PANICKING that they were judging me.  Believe it or not, I no longer worry so much about them judging my body, that used to be the case, later on, it switched to worrying about them judging my intelligence, and the way my face looks.  Paranoid thoughts about what people must be thinking about me, even when it came to my good friends.  I even once got the rash when talking to my parents because I was talking about my depression.  I guess I just felt such self-hatred and shame that I was felt that any time I talked to someone about my feelings of depression or fear, or let myself be vulnerable that they too would begin to think, "Wow, no wonder she hates herself.  I hate her too!"  It's so weird to explain, but sounds like you have it too.  One thing that helped TREMENDOUSLY was medication, but it took me years to resort to that.  It does take a lot of courage to talk to someone about yourself when you hate yourself.  You feel like no one will understand, no one wants to hear it, no one cares, you're probably just making a big deal out of it anyway, and that other people have worse problems.  But the fact of the matter is, I can tell that you recognize your feelings, and a lot of people do not!  I think the first step to getting better, and the HARDEST is facing your problems, and admitting them.  Especially aloud.  It's like, even if you're paying a therapist to so-called "judge" you and help you, that's like the final call of you putting yourself out there in front of somebody, and calling attention to what you despise about yourself, and what you feel ashamed about.  But I can tell you, that after sitting in session after session of talking about my pain, with big, giant burning rashes on myself from the social anxiety, crazy as it sounds, it's been worth it.  Ive found therapists that are so understanding, and have finally been able to move past a lot of that.  You can too.  I have faith that you'll get the courage to find someone, and like I said, it's important to have a friend or someone there with you, who could take you to appointments, who could talk to you, perhaps your fiance?  Or do you feel like your fiance is overwhelmed?  Having a friend to help you through the process of facing doctors and the outside world will take the sharp edge off of it and be a huge help to preventing you from giving up.  In terms of the eating disorder, a DIETITIAN was actually far more helpful to me than the psychiatrist I was seeing.  She was the first person I felt didn't sit and stare and judge me.  She was warm, and friendly, and understood me.  If you try to find one in your area that specializes in nutrition, they can often give you practical advice along with understanding so you don't fall flat when you're at home, once again facing the horrible feelings.   When I began eating normally again, a lot of the dysmorphia went away.  That takes a while, but if you gain weight at some point, you'll find the dysmorphia becomes a little better.  And you get some relief from those habits of staring into the mirror.  At the time you feel like it makes you feel better, but it is really just a big burden that chains you down.  Eating disorders seem like your friend, that's why they're impossible to fight alone.  Anyway, I hope I don't sound preachy, because I'm far from judgmental.  I'm just so happy you're posting with this and want so much for you to pursue treatment because you are a very valuable person.  Even if you don't pursue treatment right away, it's great that you are posting, because other people really DO care.  I am finishing my master's to become a dietitian hoping to specialize in the treatment of eating disorders as we speak.  I don't know if I'll be any good, but I care deeply, and I know there are a lot of people and organizations out there that do.  It's also really helpful to find a group of people who have had and recovered from these things.  It helps curb the feelings of isolation.  I wish you ALL the best, and keep posting.  Again, sorry for being so long-winded.  I hope I'm not scaring you off with my verbosity, I just know how this feels, its like I see myself in your posts and I just want to reach out to you because I know how it feels, and I also know that there IS hope, something I did not feel at all when I was deeply in it.  Keep posting and have a great night.

Mirage


marchello
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/26/2007 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
no thanks alot wuth all your support and i thought i was on my own with all this and im thankful.
i'll let you no how im getting on.
thanks again. :-)

LadyDragonfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 2/26/2007 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   
The others have given you a lot of information. What I will add is that it is only you who thinks you look awful! Other people have their own body image issues and they are so busy being self-conscious about their issues, they are not looking at you! That is comforting in a weird way.

I can look in the mirror and I can see pictures of myself. Nice photographs I never think are me because the woman in them is pretty. I am not pretty. When I look in the mirror, I see a gal who is 5'4" and about 250 lbs. She is fat, lumpy and old looking. SHe has these huge spare rolls everywhere and I am ashamed of her. I work in sloppy too large sweats to hide this short woman. The truth is, I am 5'9" and I am more like 160 and I carry it well. Two of my closest friends are always telling me that I really should not hide my figure, because it is just fine, even good. Tight clothing makes me feel like other people can count my flaws. It isn't true. I have come to realize that the reason men stare at me is because I have long, lovely red hair. (It took me 40 yrs to be able to say that, exactly that way!)

There is something that has occurred to me recently. I am 47 and I don't look it, I pass for 37 easily, but I feel 47. I am one of those lucky women who actually got better looking with age. Something truly does radiate from the eyes of older women that can give them a radiance, a beauty that the most shapely and beautiful young woman cannot even touch. Young, thin women have to rely on their figures to be pretty. Older women rely everything that is beneath the skin to be beautiful and by middle age, there many wonderful things beneath the skin.

Beauty isn't just skin deep. The right kind of beauty uses the skin to encase it, to love it and to protect it.
The Lady Dragonfly
Yes, it was me...I know because I was there when I did it. Lupus sufferer, bipolar II sufferer. Currently on Indocin for chronic pericarditis related to lupus, and cherishing every deep breath without pain. Currently in graduate school for mental health counseling, class of Fall 2007. Vegan and loving it!

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