Not sure what to do

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blue_eyed_chich
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/12/2007 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I need a little help. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. He is bipolar, but has never been to a doctor about it. I have done alot of research about bipolar and people with bipolar. He admits that he is, but is afraid to seek help. I need to know how to help him get help and what I should do about me being with someone who has this condition. There's no way that I plan to leave him, we plan to get married one of these days. Any suggestions??
 
Thanks confused

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 3/12/2007 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
blue,
 
as your reading probably told you, bp is not likely get better on ots own.  non-treatment will only cause this disease to escallate until he will probably find himself in a hospital or in jail.
 
unfortunately we are all free spirits if we are three times seven or more.  unless we break the law or are a danger to ourselves and others, noone can ever force us to do anything.  this is the case with your b/f.
 
if yiou ry to push the point or nag, i don't care how much you might love each other (that's all hormones, anyway yeah ) i wouldn't give your relationship a snowball's chance in hadies of surviving.  that's your catch 22 conundrum.  sorry, but i am always honest.  as mark twain once said, "always tell the truth.  it will confound the many and please the few."
 
having said all that, i believe there are some things you can try.  was he actually diagnosed with bp or did a beam of light descend on him and he have a divine revellation?  if he was dxed, when was it and who made the diagnosis?  if he was diagnosed and if the dr who did the dx is local, you might try contacting the dr and tell  him/her what is happening now.  you might also ask the dr for suggestions to help your b/f get help.  don't look for miracles.  but i do believe in them and have actually seen or experienced a few in my lifetime.  maybe you can expect one but don't look for it.  am i having one of my episodes again?  oh, my.  sorry about that.  maybe i need another pill or something?  eyes
 
i hope that you at least got a smile and that you perhaps got some information you can use.  i wish you the best in dealing with this delacate situation.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 3/12/2007 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Wnmak, I totally agree with you.  It is not an easy task trying to convince someone to get help.  Especially, if they don't think they need it, or they are afraid to.
 
It took me almost 10 years to get help for my BP.  Blue, it is perfectly normal for your b/f to be scared.  I was terrified of what I was going to hear from the Dr. but deep inside I already knew.
 
If he was diagnosed by a Dr. try to ask him about it, and try to contact the Dr. as Wnmak suggested and ask for help.  You cannot do it alone, and if he is BP then someone who is trained to handle it will be your best source.
 
Best wishes!

~Olivia

"Don't let your yesterday ruin your today."


smiler
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 3/13/2007 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello and welcome blue :-)

I'm afraid Warren and Olivia are right , he isn't going to get help until he is ready. Pushing him to get help will more than likely put your relationship in jeopardy. And , for yourself , yes , contact the doc whether or not he has been diagnosed because they will be able to help you if not him.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue


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BackandForth
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/17/2007 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Blue,
 
See my reply under the post "Bipolar II" where I posted kind of an introduction.  I totally agree with wmnak.  This diease WILL NOT get better without treatment.  It is unfortunately only a matter of time before your boyfriend will lose control if he truly does have bipolar.  If he goes untreated, you will be in for quite a roller coaster ride.  I've already lost one marriage over it and the only way I've saved my second marriage over what's happened to me over the last week is to totally yield to the doctors and my wife.  It's kind of like being dependant on alcohol and drugs.  Until you admit you have a problem AND seek help, you are trapped. 
 
Here is my advice for whatever it is worth, and I am not a doctor, but do suffer from this disease.  If you really love your boyfriend and are mentally and emotionally prepared for sticking it out with him, then tell him that.  However, you need to lay down some ground rules.  Number one, he needs to at least go get diagnosed from a doctor to see what's going on.  That's got to be an unshakable ground rule.  He can't violate that one.  I wouldn't necessarily tell him you will leave him over that because that could easily push him into a major depression, but I would make it clear to him that you may need to separate for awhile to give him time to think about if you are important enough to him to seek help.  Ultimately, if he's not willing to seek help after thinking about it and being away from you, then you've got to cut the strings.  You will have a hell of a marriage similar to what I put my first wife through.  You do not want that in your life.  Hindsight is 20/20, but I "think" that if my first wife would have approached me with a little more understanding about mental illness, I may have sought more help.  Instead, she just asked for a divorce which made me want to avoid any kind of treatment.  I blamed all of my mental health issues on her and ultimately dragged those issues into my second marriage.  I've started on the road to recovery this week but it only happened because I clearly saw the consequences last weekend of where my life was going if I did not seek help.  I don't want to lose my wife, my job, my friends, my life over this crappy disease.  But that choice starts with me just like it must with your boyfriend. 
 
You two are in my prayers.
 
 

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 3/18/2007 8:52 PM (GMT -7)   
something has got to bne wrong here.  everybody is agreeing with me.  shucks, people, there has to be some disent in order to create teh energy necessary to change. tongue
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 3/19/2007 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   

I'd have to disagree with that!!!!!! devil

yeah   tongue yeah tongue yeah tongue yeah tongue yeah tongue yeah


Bipolar Moderator
 
DX : I'm me , suprisingly I've only just realised this.
 
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SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 3/19/2007 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree too.Without treatment you will be in the ride of your life at some point.............
SnowyLynne

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