About the Past

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socks
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 1/25/2004 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
HI,

I am in the depressed state of my cycling stages. I am finding myself preoccupied with the things that I have done in the past, some very rotten or embarrasing things, that I feel a need to tell someone about. These are things I have never told anyone before. I am feeling that I need to speak them out loud, maybe then they will stop haunting me. I want to ask my T about this but I am afraid she will say go ahead, then I will have to spew, or maybe I'm afraid she will say no, it doesn't matter, then I will feel pent up. Does anyone have these skeletens, that they cannot seem to let go of? Maybe I should be posting under the depression forum, I don't know.

I feel so lost. I have so much to do and instead of working on my work, I am sitting here writing this. I used to think I could conquer the world, now I know I am just a speck of sand on the endless beach.

For those of you with Bi-Polar II or Cyclomythia(sp), what are using for meds? I am taking 1000 mg of depakote and 300 mg of Wellbutrin. I have been on this dosage for about 3 weeks.

Any thoughts are appreciated,

Socks

solo
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 359
   Posted 1/28/2004 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
hey socks, i will say exactly what you said to me - stop dishing the guilt onto your own plate - nothing is ever completely one-sided -whatEVER it is. parents, partners, kids, friends - its all 2way stuff! we all carry skeletons and baggage with us - thats why we here are delving into our problems, isnt it? - to try and identify them and embrace them and integrate them back into us...someone here said to be as honest as you possibly can with the therapist, its the only way - by being honest, youre facing the things that are hurting you. then the hurt can dissolve...it seems to be working for me -its hard and its painful, but it's progression. we spend our life attracting all sorts of other pain(s), to try and avoid our deepest pain, and we just land ourselves in more trouble (as you and I both know LOL). Really the pain we are trying to avoid is probably not as big as we imagine, once we start to look at it. so, all we're doing by avoiding it, is prolonging our own agony and causing more unnecessary pain. A drug addict is a classic example! my t says he admires my honesty and reassures me it is a very brave thing to do, talk about stuff yuo never have before with anyone - it takes courage and trust. It becomes a 2way process, which can be so healing. So then you can pat yourself on the back for adding another good trait to your increasing high self esteem and "positive character" list!!" And yes we are all specks of dust in this timeless huge universe - that's what makes each moment even more precious - its the only moment we have. enjoy it x
who knows what tomorrow may bring
fight your way thru the darkness-
slowly
you will find,
your own song
to sing

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