You are not alone. I have not been on meds as long as you, but I have taken myself off meds at least 3 times (prob more) in the last 2+ years. But then each time I realized, that I am better on them than nothing at all. I went about 6 months before I couldn't take it anymore.
I guess I get upset about the fact that I would have to take meds the rest of my life. The first few times is stubborness/denial then or rebellion against the mental health field. Also, other times I convinced myself that I can do without anything. But each time I failed, myself that is. But I move on.
Well, now you know you can't do it alone, and don't beat yourself too much. Hang in there and know we (HW) are here for you.
@~ Olivia"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"