You are not alone. I have not been on meds as long as you, but I have taken myself off meds at least 3 times (prob more) in the last 2+ years. But then each time I realized, that I am better on them than nothing at all. I went about 6 months before I couldn't take it anymore.
I guess I get upset about the fact that I would have to take meds the rest of my life. The first few times is stubborness/denial then or rebellion against the mental health field. Also, other times I convinced myself that I can do without anything. But each time I failed, myself that is. But I move on.
Well, now you know you can't do it alone, and don't beat yourself too much. Hang in there and know we (HW) are here for you.
"What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story,
And the greatest good is little enough:
for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams."
~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca, Life is a Dream