i am undoubtedly going to be the most despised person on theis board by writing this reply. however if i did not believe it to be relevant, important, truthful, and useful, i would keep this opinion to myself.
in your post you accused yourself of being (shudder, shudder) "selfish!" of all the epithets that spmeone could lay on another human being, this has got to the the most laudable. Don't mistake long term selfish for short term stupid. (read atlas shrugged by ayn rand). Politicians are almost totally short term stupid (i say "almost" only because i don't know all politicians). they seek anwers that mullify or impress rather than answers that truely solve problems. Take. for example, erecting a multi-billion dollar fence along he rio grande river (impresses the he** out of the electorate in kansas (no offence if you happen to be from that great state) but does NOTHING to solve the problem of illegal immegfration and legal immagration into this country. both the legal avenue of immigration and illegal immagration are systems that are totally broken. ask the chinese or hadrian (the roman emperorer) about the efficacy of fences.
long term selfish, on the other hand, says, "if i do this, that will be the most probable outcome and how will that outcome affect me and mine for generations to come?" not so easy to ansewer that question. if you leave your mom to her own devices, what is the most probable outcome? what is the worst thing that could happen? leave your feelings out of this equasion - it has nothing to do withyou or your feelings. hased on my experience, the experience i have gained from this forum, and on my esearch, your moher is likely to eiher get into trouble wih the law and/or end up in a mental ward. in either case, she will have little or no choice but to receive the therapy (in her case probably only drugs) that they provide. better off than she is now? maybe. it's not my call.
stop beating up on yourself. you are only human and you are doing he best that you can. if you were god, i would expect at least a little white light.
one other possibility. your mother is playing a game with you. "prove that you love me" (and buy the next round) - appologies to janice joplin. you want to help her, she refuses, making you want to help her more, she refuses - how much do you love me, baby? can i kick you again? i'm only saying that this is a possibility, i'm not saying it is a relity. but it is something to consider before taking whatever action you decide to take.
i've been away for a while and don't recognize your "handle." nice to meet you and, if this is your first post, welcome. everybody isn't as "splat" honest ans i am. they have tact. i'm too old for that foolishness.
That light at the end of he tunnel? It's an on-coming train.