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paling
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/20/2007 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   
my mom is bipolar. she has never gotten any help and refuses to talk about it let alone admit it. I no longer live with her, but get really scared for her because now no one is around to keep an eye on her. Everytime I try to broach the subject, she gets livid -screaming, throwing things - wanting me out of the house and never wants me to come back. I'm an only child - she is a single mom. There is no one but me to help her. I am at a loss. And, selfishly, I don't know how much longer I have the strength to go on helping her and covering for her if I don't feel like she is at least attempting to help herself. Selfish, I know.
Anyway, does anyone have any input or ideas or experiences that would help me figure out the best way to approach what is a really daunting and terrifying situation for me?
I would really appreciate it.
Thanks.

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 5/20/2007 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   

paling,

i am undoubtedly going to be the most despised person on theis board by writing this reply.  however if i did not believe it to be relevant, important, truthful, and useful, i would keep this opinion to myself.

in your post you accused yourself of being (shudder, shudder) "selfish!"  of all the epithets that spmeone could lay on another human being, this has got to the the most laudable.  Don't mistake long term selfish for short term stupid.  (read atlas shrugged by ayn rand).  Politicians are almost totally short term stupid (i say "almost" only because i don't know all politicians).  they seek anwers that mullify or impress rather than answers that truely solve problems.  Take. for example, erecting a multi-billion dollar fence along he rio grande river (impresses the he** out of the electorate in kansas (no offence if you happen to be from that great state) but does NOTHING to solve the problem of illegal immegfration and legal immagration into this country.  both the legal avenue of immigration and illegal immagration are systems that are totally broken.  ask the chinese or hadrian (the roman emperorer) about the efficacy of fences.

long term selfish, on the other hand, says, "if i do this, that will be the most probable outcome and how will that outcome affect me and mine for generations to come?"  not so easy to ansewer that question.  if you leave your mom to her own devices, what is the most probable outcome?  what is the worst thing that could happen?  leave your feelings out of this equasion - it has nothing to do withyou or your feelings.  hased on my experience, the experience i have gained from this forum, and on my esearch, your moher is likely to eiher get into trouble wih the law and/or end up in a mental ward.  in either case, she will have little or no choice but to receive the therapy (in her case probably only drugs) that they provide.  better off than she is now?  maybe.  it's not my call.

stop beating up on yourself.  you are only human and you are doing he best that you can.  if you were god, i would expect at least a little white light. :-)  

one other possibility.  your mother is playing a game with you.  "prove that you love me" (and buy the next round) - appologies to janice joplin.  you want to help her, she refuses, making you want to help her more, she refuses - how much do you love me, baby?  can i kick you again?  i'm only saying that this is a possibility, i'm not saying it is a relity.  but it is something to consider before taking whatever action you decide to take.

i've been away for a while and don't recognize your "handle."  nice to meet you and, if this is your first post, welcome.  everybody isn't as "splat" honest ans i am.  they have tact.  i'm too old for that foolishness.

warren


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/22/2007 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi paling:

I would agree in that you should not beat yourself up. Being the family member of someone with a mental illness is not for wimps. As long as your mom isn't suicidal, I'd get YOURSELF some help first. I say this as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. Broaching the topic of someone's health is always uncomfortable, but add to it something taboo like drugs or alcohol or mental illness, and you've got a whole new ball of wax. Go talk to a therapist yourself and get a professional's opinion on how to proceed and how to take care of yourself while you proceed. If money's an issue, most clinics offer sliding scales.

Best of luck.
Serafena
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