My dh has bipolar1, and had been symptom free for 5 years. When he was first diagnosed he spent a total of 52 days, on and off, in the psychiatric hospital over the course of about 2 years. After the initial diagnosis and gettting the right combo dh stayed on the meds for 5 years and things were really good. In the past 5 months dh has stopped his meds 4 times, and went, voluntarily into the hospital for one of these times to get back on the meds.
As of the past 3 weeks he has stopped taking Depakote, and is taking a lower dose of Geodon. He is still on lamictal, and even though the dr. discontinued the Wellbutrin dh takes it occasionally. Dh told his psychiatrist that he did this, not the part about the Wellbutrin, and the psychiatrist is allowing it. The problem is that dh is saying that this is not an illness/disorder and that he resents me for having to take medication. He said he only took it for me over that 5 year period. In the past dh has suffered from extreme mania that goes to psychosis. Now though he seems irritable and edgy. I'm told on a daily basis that I am controlling and that I don't understand anything because I have never been manic. Well I have had to deal with all of the fallout from it. I won't go into it, but it has not been fun.
I guess I should get to the point. Is this worth it? I just don't know anymore. It seems to me that until he acknowledges that he has an illness and will have to take meds for the rest of his life this cycle will just continue. It's very stressful and exhausting for me. I've got to the point where I just feel kind of dead to all of this. Dh believes that he is alive when not on the meds and spiritually dead when taking them. My heart goes out to him, but I also just have shut down to all of this. It seems like my life revolves around his illness. Has anyone been through anything like this with their spouses with bipolar? Thanks for reading this. I'm just at a loss and I'm not even sure that my post makes sense. Thanks for letting me vent.