I'm here to get some advice concerning my (ex)boyfriend. I met him a couple of months ago and on the first night we went out we had a great time. Towards the end of the date he got distant and cold. I didn't understand why and so I left. He ended up calling me a few minutes later to tell me he just had a weird feeling but that he wanted me to give him a second chance. And so I did. Things from that point on were hot and heavy. He is the nicest, most thoughtful, considerate, giving, loving, intelligent, and incredibly funny guy I have ever known. I was hooked. He was hooked. He showered me with gifts, asked me to move in with him, told me he loved me, I was the coolest girl he'd ever met, etc...you name it. I felt so lucky to have met this man who posessed all the qualities I had only ever dreamed about.
On a few occasions, he seemed to sink into a low. Everything would be fine and then it was like a thought he had would trigger a quietness about him, a sadness. We got all dressed up one night and went out to eat. As I was having a conversation he abruptly interrupted me and asked me what I would do if things were to change. He said he was on a spiritual path and he doesn't know how things will be oneday with us. He told me it was an ego thing he was dealing with I told him that I wasn't looking that far in advance and asked why he was say that at such an awkward time. He could see I was visibly upset. I told him I was going to change the way I viewed us as because I didn't want to have false ideas of us being together long term. I got over it, and we had a good time anyway. From that point on he showered me with love. I always had in the back of my mind that conversation but I ignored it because I didn't know what he was talking about. He was very open to me about past experiences in which he said he saw his angel and spoke to him on a regular basis. He even knows the name of his angel. I was intrigued with his ideas when he speaks of spirituality. He is very spiritual and seems everything he talks about always has a spiritual undertone. I think I get carried away with his talk of spirits, oneness, duality, higher consciousness, perceiving reality as physical. I was interested as I am a spirtual person as well but I have never heard of such faith in a person. He seems so knowledgable and assured. I started to become a believer too. Although I thought his beliefs were more extreme than what I was used to, he had so many awesome qualities that I just overlooked it.
I went to his house last week to hang out. We had a few drinks and all of sudden he became weepy. We were having such a good time, laughing, playing, and getting carried away and then in an instant he started to cry. As usual, he blamed it on his ego and spiritual growth. He told me it was a good thing. The next day he didn't want to see me. Although we talked throughout the day on the phone/text, he refused to see me. The next day, he couldn't wait to see me. I hung out with him, had a good time, talked about his spiritual growth, and then he broke up with me. He told me I was perfect and I didn't do a single thing wrong. It was him and how he didn't feel whole. He said he didn't want me to be effected by his moods. I felt almost like, "How dare you make me fall in love with you and then take it all away because you think you know what's good for me!" We talked, and talked, and talked about what he was going through. He's always sleeping, has no motivation, and doesn't want to know anything of what's going on in the world around him.I decided to be distant and try to move on after reading some threads about other girls who had bipolar boyfriends who would constantly change their mind. Many of them said to run. As I tried to detach and he sensed it, he called me upset and crying. He insists that we stay close but he just can't be with anyone. He stays in contact with me all day just like when we were together. It almost seems like he doesn't want me to move on but doesn't want me completely. He still tells me he loves me. When I stop talking to him he gets extremely upset afraid I'm going to run. One minute he's telling me he doesn't want to be physical with me anymore and the next minute he says he wants to be all over me. In our talks, he asked me what I thought was wrong with him. I told him I have never experienced this type of thing but it sounded like he was depressed, possibly bipolar. He said, "there is no pill that is going to fix this! I am not depressed or bipolar. It is all spiritual and I've been going through it all of my life." I feel like he is in denial. He cries everyday. He tells me everyday how he feels so much doubt and suffering. But he thinks that everything can be healed with the mind.
He drove over an hour yesterday to take me to lunch. I hadn't seen him him since we broke up. The sparks were still there. I could see it in his eyes. It was so nice to feel like we were back on track. We do all the same things we did as a couple but he insists we cannot be together because of his problem. I didn't care that he has a problem. He asked me why I was still hanging around when anyone else would run? Which leads me here....why am I still sticking around when he's trying to tell me it could potentially get worse? How do I convince a person who "knows it all" because he says he's been through experiences that I cannot even fathom, spiritual of course. Last night he told me how he used to see Lucifer and various forms of Lucifer. It did freak me out. I asked him if he thought they were hallucinations. He says it's real and is completely convinced he is special in a way that he gets to see these things.
If anyone has a similar experience, advice, or input, I would appreciate it. I'm so torn, confused, bewildered, and in love. I don't want to turn my back but I don't want to set myself up for further heartache
@~ OliviaModerator, Bipolar"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
Welcome to the HealingWell family, I am happy that you found us. I hope that you find the support you are looking for here.
~~~ Olivia ~~~Moderator, Bipolar"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today" "The moon if always full, think about it."Dx: Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder Current Meds: Lithium 900mg, Geodon 60mg 2x/day, Ativan 1mgSupport HealingWell: http://www.healingwell.com/donate