last day of school.

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shesmydisease
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 6/12/2007 2:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Most would be feeling rather relieved but I'm left with feelings of contemplation, sadness but most of all 'what to do next?'. My best friend is graduating, and my other best friend graduated in the middle of the year {she had to do an extra half year, semi complicated story but not really}. They're the only people I want to associate with and they're the only people I DO associate with out of school, I'm with them basically every day and there's nothing we don't tell eachother..
I hate this feeling of confusion.
Why can't anything ever be simple. I claim to strive for what's easiest yet end up with chaos and actually like it when it's happening. It's disgusting. My worst fear is being figured out.. that I'm not who I am. I don't even know what I mean by that because I don't even know what that would be.
 
My head is such a mess.
 
I see my psychiatrist/therapist today {he does both}. currently I'm on 25mg of seroquel 3x a day {75mg total}, 25mg of naltraxone a day, &topamax 50mg 2x a day. I have a love/hate relationship with medicine. I've been on concerta, klonopin, prozac, lexapro, risperdal, lithium, trileptal and abilify. antidepressants leave me suicidal. concerta {first medicine I was ever prescribed, not even by a psychiatrist, left me feeling manic with racing thoughts}, klonopin made me drowsy and zombie like. I was on trileptal and abilify both for a little more than a year, I feel they might have helped me for the short term but I don't know maybe I built up a tolerance? risperdal and lithium made me fat. lithium had horrible side effects. ick. Who knows. I'm almost 16. my developmental system is probably so screwed up from starting medicine at 13, that's just what I'm thinking. especially emotionally.
 
If I ever go in the hospital again I'd probably go in residential, as it would be my sixth time. I went in twice this year, once last year, and twice in eighth grade. Ew I sound really dumb.
 
sorry for this being so long and just.. boring.
 
If anyone ever needs to talk to someone please reply to me or something!
(:
-col
 
Reason for Edit:
 
I have taken 1 line out of this post for violation of rule #1 No discussion of any illegal activity. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 6/13/2007 10:12:18 PM (GMT-6)


Jade11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 6/12/2007 10:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,

It sounds like you will miss your friends a lot next year. Maybe you will meet new people that you can connect with. Sometimes when I am without my friends it is actually an opportunity to make new ones. Is your high school big or small? Perhaps you could get involved in activities outside of school to be involved in. That way you can have friends outside of the high school that you go to.

As far as the medicine goes maybe it will get narrowed down to the right combination so that things will be more stable. Psychiatric meds are not an exact science, and it is more trial and error as far as what works with an individual. Don't feel bad for being on medicine so early. I was undiagnosed bipolar for my teen years, and that was not fun either. At least you know what is wrong and have help available. I know that it is extremely hard to go through this in high school(from experience). I am in my twenties now and things are going much better for me. Hang in there, things should brighten up.

Post Edited (Jade11) : 6/13/2007 10:42:00 PM (GMT-6)


shesmydisease
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 6/13/2007 3:24 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the reply (:
there's around 60 students in the highschool I go to.. it's in a therapeutic setting.. there's a school clinician assigned to each 8 or so students which we call a homeroom. there's group therapy every day. and really small classes. each kid meets with their clinician whenever they need to, to have sessions and whatnot. every person in the school has an IEP and the teachers/aides are really nice and it's a friendly enviroment, like yesterday the last day we had a slideshow and a luncheon and that makes it even harder going for the summer.. but what ever man bc I'm going to summer school in like 3 weeks! lol. for 7 hours a day. and I live basically 4 min away. I'm ridiculously close w/ my school clinician as well.
Today is my last day in I have a new york state test {regents}. kind of sucks.
thanks for reassuring me about meds. my worst fear is that when I'm like 18, no one is going to hand it to me anymore and I'll be like 'oh well I don't need to take it'. because I take 2 pills in the morning, 1 in the afternoon and 2 at night and it's kind of going to be a pain to remember on my own, but I've been doing this for 3 years so far so whatever lol.

one thing to look forward to is I'll be 16 on the 16th {saturday} so.. that's cool I guess. I'm seeing wicked w/ my parents on broadway hehe
thanks so much for your reply
have a great day.
-col
"Narcissus died because he could only
love his image at the expense of himself."


jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 6/13/2007 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
have you read the book wicked? thats the best i could get. i'd love to see it but live in MO so wont be anytime soon. are your parents supportive in all this? i hope so. and like jade said at least you know early whats going on. i went through high school and many years after suffering not knowing. and now at 29 i'm being diagnosed. and you'll get things figured out by the time your eighteen. and if your wanting to chat sometime. my email is on here just email me sometime. i'll email ya back. i'm home all the time. (cant leave the house much) so it might be nice to have a pen pal if ya want.
I am bipolar, have social anxiety, panic attacks w/agoraphobia , diabetes, asthma and high blood pressure. Life is short but i am not.


shesmydisease
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 6/13/2007 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Nope, haven't read wicked but I love broadway and the music so I'll most likely think it's good. My parents are usually supportive in my therapy and whatnot but not thrilled with the toll depression takes on me but whatever that's a different story. I was adopted at 3 months old, my birth mom was a schizophrenic. I'd love to talk online, do you have aim? If so reply back or something
-col
"Narcissus died because he could only
love his image at the expense of himself."


jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 6/13/2007 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   
i dont have aim i have yahoo messenger, msn messenger and myspace IM. been thinking about getting aim though. just not sure yet.
I am bipolar, have social anxiety, panic attacks w/agoraphobia , diabetes, asthma and high blood pressure. Life is short but i am not.


Jade11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 6/13/2007 10:00 PM (GMT -7)   
The easiest way that I can think of to remember the pills is to correlate it with something. Like the morning pills can be taken with breakfast or as soon as you get up. The night time pills have to be taken before going to bed no matter what. Just make it a part of the routine, like brushing your teeth. I think the hardest thing would be to remember the afternoon med. Maybe you could take it after work or getting out of class, or whatever event you have in the evening. I just take my meds at night so it is easy for me to remember.

Maybe you can talk to your parents and ask to have more control over taking the meds on your own. Just start with gradual changes and work to build their trust. If they are really concerned they could always count the pills for a while to make sure you take them. This way by the time you move out you will be used to taking the pills on your own.

When I was 19 I was first diagnosed with bipolar. I had things going on since I was 15, but it never really got diagnosed. Anyway when I was 19 I didn't really believe the diagnosis. I went off the depakote after about 5 months. It took my psychologist about 4 months to notice as I didn't have an episode right away. Strangely enough my psychologist told me that since I had been fine for 4 months that I must not have bipolar, and didn't need the meds. This was the reassurance that I was after, however this person was so wrong.

I was fine for about 11 months and then just crashed. I has a really bad manic episode and I barely finished that semester of college. I was unstable and severly depressed for months. The worst part was that I knew none of it would ever had happened if i had stayed on my meds. I knew the disease wasn't my fault, but it was my responsibility to take the meds. After that episode I will never go off the meds ever again. The good part is that I have been stable for 4 years on the same mood stabilizer. My best advice to you is just to stay on the meds.

jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 6/14/2007 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
i now have aim too. so you can add me to yours if you want. its on the left hand side under my name or click on my name. and get it there.
I am bipolar, have social anxiety, panic attacks w/agoraphobia , diabetes, asthma and high blood pressure. Life is short but i am not.


shesmydisease
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 6/14/2007 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay cool, my aim screen name is numerical lies so feel free to add me and i-m me (:
"Narcissus died because he could only
love his image at the expense of himself."

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