On Thursday I was in meltdown mode. I left work after only an hour or so. I went to my phyc and picked up the script for the week off that he had offered in the regular visit the day before. (BTW, have you noticed that the lowest days are the days following a therapist visit?)
I started Lamictal 25mgs (how do you pronounce that?) That day when I got home. It made me nauseous and dizzy the rest of the night.
Yesterday the medication only effected me that way for a couple of hours. I felt more stable that day, but it could have also been that I was starting a new med and I am home from work for a while. ( I have a high-stress job till August 16)
Today I feel like I may be faking it. I feel fine. I am home with my two year old. I spent the day folding clothes and watching movies while she played nearby. This happened last time I took time off of work. I felt better while I did nothing, but as soon as I tried to do something that took concentration (like drive) I freaked out and had to hand it over.
This seems to be a pattern for me. I feel better for a while, then try to return to life and I crash again. I have a couple good days, then I crash. I don't do what I read about BiPolor, but he diagnosed me with BP II, so it would be different.
I don't know, I just want it to work. We have tried a few different meds for depression, and they didn't work. As I learn more about depression I realize that I have been depressed nearly all my life. This is the worst I have felt. I was losing hope that I would ever feel better and I was considering suicide again. (Did the phyc add meds just to give me hope and make me stop thinking that way?)
On Monday I double my Cymbalta to 60mgs, and in 14 days I double the Lamictal to 50mgs. I also take Iron pills for anemia, cranberry pills as a dietary supplement (lots of UTI's) and claritin for allergies. I never thought I would be a pill-popper. I never used to like to take meds for a headache
To top it all off, I think I have hives from something. (could be anything) but they are getting worse. I think I will go to the regular doc in the AM. it is not the red rash, it is small fluid-filled bumps (not red) everywhere including my arms, legs, torso, face and scalp. They itch.
anyway, I just needed to lay this all out and see if you have any input. I am young (28, everyone says I am young, I don't feel it) and kind of alone in this. My parents don't get why I need to go to a doctor and why can't I just deal with it. My husband was diagnosed BP I 7 years ago. My symptoms don't compare to what he went through then, so I can't complain about it.
What do you think?
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?