Thanks for your reply. Sorry mine is a bit late, rough day again yesterday. I'm definitely in a bout of deep depression and it's hard. You too are in my thoughts and prayers each day.
Your advice was really appreciated and comforting. I am planning on trying to lean on my bf instead letting my fears control me. It's not going to be easy. He is trustworthy but sometimes he gets mad when I'm not feeling well or having these insecurities. I'm hoping that if I let go of the fear and lean on him more his anger will go away.
Anyway, I'm gonna go visit my Mom today...I'm just so depressed I need to get out of this lonely house.
Hope you're doing okay today
Hey Mogs, sorry you have been down. I wonder if I can shed any light on this from a different perspective. As you know my wife has been diagnosed with bp, so I am in the same situation as your bf, I will tell you how I feel and then you might be able to gain a better understanding.
As far as him getting angry and telling you it isn't anger it is frustration, 100%. As a guy dealing with this it is extremely difficult, I have always faced problems and done whatever I could to fix them. When I face a problems I can't fix it becomes very frustrating because it feels like my hands are tied. Is he trying to educate himself on bp? The more information I get and the more I get different perspectives the more I understand, I know I will never understand it because I haven't experienced it, but I try to understand the best I can so I can offer support, that is all I can do.
During the good times it is very important to discuss things with him, you need to remember that you aren't on this rollercoaster by yourself, he is a part of your life and whatever happens with you it affects him in some way. I am not saying he is facing more problems, he is on a ride that he doesn't understand and logic dictates his thinking. I know when Dutchie discusses how she is feeling I feel at least I can offer a perspective that may help. Yesterday Dutchie cried all day, I felt helpless but at least I knew that it was the bp causing it and therefore I could just try to support her.
When Dutchie has been down she has told me that it feels like she is sitting at the bottom of an empty swimming pool alone. I remind her that I am sitting beside her in the swimming pool, she isn't alone.
I don't know if any of this helps. You have said you prefer to discuss with other people with bp because they understand. I understand your bf. If you need my help with understanding him then please post it, you have helped Dutchie and me so much I would like to give some of that back to you.
Post Edited (sooper) : 7/6/2007 12:28:49 PM (GMT-6)
Think, really think, about what you love about yourself. You are, as well all are, truly one of a kind. Consider why you are creating obstacles for yourself in terms of your self-worth. Perhaps work on these obstacles, how they developed, and how you can release them through therapy, art, and journaling. Your fear is only an illusion but it can affect your life if you let it dictate your actions and dominate over what your heart aspires towards. You are very blessed and lucky to find such a boyfriend and I wish the best for you. :)
Thank you for your post and trying to help me see how he (my bf) feels. Everything I read I could relate to him and how he feels. I get it. I do. Really. My heart aches for him, and I would do anything for him.
Unfortunately, I tried opening up to him yesterday while I was on the verge of a major breakdown--my depression had me in sobbing tears sitting in front of him and it did not go well.
I stopped my tears b/c it was making him angry/frustrated whatever you want to call it and listened to him and told him I understand HIS pain in this.
I think I am going to give up trying to talk to him about my suffering. That way he won't have to be affected and I won't be hurt.
My bf won't hold me when I'm not feeling well. So this has to be on my own from now on when I'm dealing with my symtpoms. I'm going to have to go cry somewhere else, if I have to cry.
The short term goal thing is great. I learned that in my support group.
Thanks for your post...I am having such a hard time. I don't even know what to expect when my bf gets home from work today...I'm still not feeling well, and I'm going to have to pretend that I am.