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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/8/2007 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Guys,
 
I am feeling much better today.  The depression has finally lifted a little.  Thank goodness.  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. :-)
 
I was wondering what everyone's cycles/episodes are like.  This will definitely depend on what type of bp you have, and if you experience mixed states or rapid cycling...But I wonder if you guys could post how long your depressive episodes are usually (it all changes) and how long you're h-manic or manic.
 
I don't know if anyone here keeps a mood chart, I try my best to.  But my episodes (and I'm not on meds for bp) can be all over the place.  Just after February I was depressed for a few months almost completely.  But it can also change a lot for me too.
 
Thanks for any replies.  Hugs to all :-)
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/8/2007 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
mogli,
 
When  I was younger (in teenage years) I struggled more with depression than hypomania.  My hypomania would last about would laxt no longer than 5 days.  But the depression would last up to a year if nor more.
 
As I got older, I started having mized-episodes.  Where I had rage and had to find someone to take it out on.  I was speaking so fast that after a while, nothing I said made sense to the people around me. Of course to me, I was a genius and had to get my thoughts together before they disappeared.
 
I couldn't sit for more than 30 seconds and I was constantly pacing around and smoking cigarettes to try to calm myself down (like 2 packs a day sometimes more). I couldn't concentrate on anything at all. (and I am not a smoker)
 
I was is a state of panic, what you may ask, I am not even sure anymore. I couldn't do my school work, so I stopped going to classes completely. I was making so many mistakes at work, I was sure I was going to get fired, but I remained there for a short while after that. I quit on my own accord.
 
I was binge drinking, to the point I would pass out. I don't miss this at all. Yet, I would still able to wake up and function on 2-3 of sleep.  I was driving recklously, and was pissed off at everyone. I was impatient, and normally I get a little angry while driving, but I had major road rage. I drove how I wanted and didn't care about anyone else on the street.
 
Then somewhere in the middle of all that, I had crying spells, and a feeling of hopelessness.
I waited a while to contact my pdoc, so I was in that state for about 2 weeks. I hope to never go there again.
 

~~~ Olivia  ~~~
Moderator, Bipolar

"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
"The moon if always full, think about it."
Dx:  Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder 
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dutchie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 7/8/2007 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs

I am so glad to hear you are feeling a little better. I still urge you not to hide anything from your bf.....nothing good can come of that for either of you. I say this as your cyber friend. Take the "up" days to communicate the feelings you are going through when you are down.

Take care of yourself!

Dutchie

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/8/2007 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I basically stay hypomanic, almost all the time, with short depressions, and I don't think I've ever had what everyone else describes as a "normal" period in my life. I've had one true manic phase complete with hallucinations both visual and auditory in my life and that was nearly 20 years ago. My major depressions usually last no more that six months but my current episode has been going on since October of last year.
This time is different. This is depression/restlessness/rage/etc all mixed up together. I can barely get out of bed and if I do I'm yelling at everyone. I can shift from hopeless sobbing to wanting to smash something in the blink of an eye. In the last month I think I may have had 3 days that I spent more time out of bed than in bed. I fly off the handle over anything. Even the dogs barking is too much. It's like all my senses are super enabled. Sounds,colors, smells, even textures are all too intense. Irritating. And trust me, I've got the market cornered on irritability.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/9/2007 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for your replies.  See, when I read of depressive episdoes lasting a year or more or 6 months...etc...Does that mean in all that time there was not one single day you felt the h-manic or mania?  I've had 3 months or maybe a little more of being depressed, but I know in there somewhere I had maybe 4 or 5 days total of being "high" (that's what I call it) h-manic.  I read a lot about those low times lasting a year etc. 

I guess everyone is different, and the bp types are different.

My highs definitely don't last longer than a week, maybe two at the most.  The last one I had was almost two weeks, so this past week when I crashed it was so hard of course.  Even though I hate being h-manic for more than a few days 'cause I feel so strung out and sick/exhausted.

I definitely find the mood charts help, just so I can see where I am, it helps my pdoc.

Irritabliity is definitely something I experience with all of this as well, and it's awful.  I feel like I'm so angry.

I would really like to see what others experience, so keep posting what your bp cycle is like if you have the time.  I would appreciate it.

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


footballfan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 7/10/2007 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   

I am happy you are feeling better Mogs.

Dutchie is trying to figure out the past year. All of the problems we aren't really sure if it was high or low, whatever it was she was in it for a long time. I tend to believe she was low and did everything possible to escape facing that low. Our councellor has said that all the erratic behaviour was Dutchie trying to escape the problems and the reality of them. She described all the problems as an escape. All the escapes compounded her feelings and she would try harder to escape. A circle of pain that was getting worse but she could never escape from.

I know Dutchie and I harp on you about not giving up on talking to your bf. Just look at where a lack of communication has got us. You don't want it. When your feeling ok talk to him about the times that you don't. He will never understand your lows, I will never understand Dutchies. Remember he feels helpless in those situations and the more info you can give him the more it will help.

Thanks for thinking of and helping us. You are in our thoughts.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/10/2007 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Footballfan,

Thank you for your post today.  I am glad you and Dutchie encourage me not to give up on my bf.  He is amazing, and I love him deeply, and I don't want to give up on him because I do love him so much. 

I think after this weekend, he realized a few things.  That when I am depressed, I don't expect the world from him.  It's an uncomfortable situation, and it's a situation that he won't ever be able to fully understand.  I expressed that to him and I think he realized what I do want and need from him in those times is just the simple stuff like empathy (b/c he loves me, not b/c he knows what I'm going through)...comfort, support.  He makes me so happy, and makes me feel better all the time.  I don't think he realizes the power he has.  He truly lifted me out of my low this past weekend, by spending time with me.

Then yesterday, the best thing happened.  He asked me twice throughout the day how I was feeling.  It was so great, because he was simply acknowledging what I go through by asking me that simple question, and that meant so much.  I was able to tell him how I was feeling, and it was okay.  I think he saw I didn't need to talk in great depth about it, but it was great to just tell him straight up and simple.

I am hoping so much that this is the begining of dealing with this differently.  I hope he knows that I am totally okay with managing this illness, b/c truthfully most of that is my job, not anyone else's.  But it means so much for him to just think about me and what I'm going through.  He doesn't have to do a whole lot.

Anyway, thinking of you both and proud of you both.  Thanks again for your suppport.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


slappy7
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 7/10/2007 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I'll have a period of two to three weeks where I think I can conquer the world. I start many different projects and feel that I have to have many going on at one time. I'll go from one to the other rarely finishing any of them. I do finish some of them, but sometimes it's much longer than it should take. I find that I'm better at finishing things when I've promised that certain item to someone. I will have times of intense energy when I feel like I'll explode if I don't do something about it. I'll stay up for hours and hours making plans for projects for just a better future. My friends say that I'm ten feet tall and bullet proof during these times. I sometimes behave in risky sexual behaviors during these times also. I've gotten away from that part a bit as I've gotten older.

When this finally runs it's course, I'll have a month or more of depression so intense that I often become suicidal. Lately, I've been in a depressed state and barely leave the house. Today was very bad, and I was making suicidal plans. Thankfully, I called a friend, who "talked me off the ledge"

I've spent most of my life like this, but was undiagnosed until somewhat recently. It's been a bumpy road!

Hope this gives you some insight on the experiences of others.

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Slappy, thanks so much for your reply.  It gave me more insight for sure.

I hope so much that you are feeling better today.  The depressions are so awful and I am so glad that you didn't carry out any thoughts or plans.  You are valuable and you are strong for getting through that.  You did the exact right thing by calling your friend.  I am just so glad you did that.

Are you on any meds, do you have a pdoc?  I also find it's so hard to get things done with this illness.

Hope you are well, take extra care.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--

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