~~~ Olivia ~~~Moderator, Bipolar"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today" "The moon if always full, think about it."Dx: Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder Support HealingWell: http://www.healingwell.com/donate
Thank you all for your replies. See, when I read of depressive episdoes lasting a year or more or 6 months...etc...Does that mean in all that time there was not one single day you felt the h-manic or mania? I've had 3 months or maybe a little more of being depressed, but I know in there somewhere I had maybe 4 or 5 days total of being "high" (that's what I call it) h-manic. I read a lot about those low times lasting a year etc.
I guess everyone is different, and the bp types are different.
My highs definitely don't last longer than a week, maybe two at the most. The last one I had was almost two weeks, so this past week when I crashed it was so hard of course. Even though I hate being h-manic for more than a few days 'cause I feel so strung out and sick/exhausted.
I definitely find the mood charts help, just so I can see where I am, it helps my pdoc.
Irritabliity is definitely something I experience with all of this as well, and it's awful. I feel like I'm so angry.
I would really like to see what others experience, so keep posting what your bp cycle is like if you have the time. I would appreciate it.
I am happy you are feeling better Mogs.
Dutchie is trying to figure out the past year. All of the problems we aren't really sure if it was high or low, whatever it was she was in it for a long time. I tend to believe she was low and did everything possible to escape facing that low. Our councellor has said that all the erratic behaviour was Dutchie trying to escape the problems and the reality of them. She described all the problems as an escape. All the escapes compounded her feelings and she would try harder to escape. A circle of pain that was getting worse but she could never escape from.
I know Dutchie and I harp on you about not giving up on talking to your bf. Just look at where a lack of communication has got us. You don't want it. When your feeling ok talk to him about the times that you don't. He will never understand your lows, I will never understand Dutchies. Remember he feels helpless in those situations and the more info you can give him the more it will help.
Thanks for thinking of and helping us. You are in our thoughts.
Thank you for your post today. I am glad you and Dutchie encourage me not to give up on my bf. He is amazing, and I love him deeply, and I don't want to give up on him because I do love him so much.
I think after this weekend, he realized a few things. That when I am depressed, I don't expect the world from him. It's an uncomfortable situation, and it's a situation that he won't ever be able to fully understand. I expressed that to him and I think he realized what I do want and need from him in those times is just the simple stuff like empathy (b/c he loves me, not b/c he knows what I'm going through)...comfort, support. He makes me so happy, and makes me feel better all the time. I don't think he realizes the power he has. He truly lifted me out of my low this past weekend, by spending time with me.
Then yesterday, the best thing happened. He asked me twice throughout the day how I was feeling. It was so great, because he was simply acknowledging what I go through by asking me that simple question, and that meant so much. I was able to tell him how I was feeling, and it was okay. I think he saw I didn't need to talk in great depth about it, but it was great to just tell him straight up and simple.
I am hoping so much that this is the begining of dealing with this differently. I hope he knows that I am totally okay with managing this illness, b/c truthfully most of that is my job, not anyone else's. But it means so much for him to just think about me and what I'm going through. He doesn't have to do a whole lot.
Anyway, thinking of you both and proud of you both. Thanks again for your suppport.
Slappy, thanks so much for your reply. It gave me more insight for sure.
I hope so much that you are feeling better today. The depressions are so awful and I am so glad that you didn't carry out any thoughts or plans. You are valuable and you are strong for getting through that. You did the exact right thing by calling your friend. I am just so glad you did that.
Are you on any meds, do you have a pdoc? I also find it's so hard to get things done with this illness.
Hope you are well, take extra care.