As a wife recently dx'd with bp, I would desperately like to find some help/encouragement/understanding for my husband. I had an affair which I am extremely remorseful for. Not because I was caught, but because I did something I never believed that I could do. I carried alot of garbage in my life that has finally been purged and bp or not I don't plan to get to such a state again. I see that I have a chance at a new start in life and I don't want to lose again. I know I have plenty to work on, but my concern is for my husband and our marriage. He is going through a very difficult time with how to handle the fact that I had an affair. He feels cheated from the last 20 years that we have been together because he feels he doesn't know me at all. He is frustrated to be with someone he loves, yet causes him pain. He doesn't believe he will ever get past the negative thoughts he has towards me and our marriage. I keep urging him to try and look at it like we have a second chance. I urge him for the safe of our two girls, I urge him because we love one another and I believe that is worth alot.
What I am looking for is any spouse that has been the one to suffer through an affair. What did you do to deal with the anger and pain. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? (I know my husband does not see it right now) I realize no one forgets, but is it not possible for love and time to heal? I know the cliche "time heals all wounds" ...but does it really?
He told me that since everything has come out, that really his plan was to get me on a better path and stronger...but that he did not see himself staying, because he doesn't believe he can get past the pain. I am devastated at the though of losing this man.I love him deeply...but if I truly am going to be a source of pain for him throughout his life, I don't want that.