my brother is dating a bipolar girl, need advice

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bluemeanies
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all.  I usually post on the crohn's disease, anxiety and depression forums but thought I'd visit here to see if you all have any advice for me.
 
My brother, who is 46, has been seeing a bipolar girl.  She was married until he kicked her out and now she is living off him.  He has never had the police to his house before her.  They have been there so much the cops told him to get rid of her.  He is not thinking with his brain, but with another body part I won't name.  I am trying to educate him about bipolar because he has never known anyone with it.
 
I am so concerned because she has pancreatitus and is an alcoholic.  She also uses other drugs.  She won't take her medication as she should and keeps having episodes.  His neighbors called to tell him stuff about what she is doing while he's at work.  Kissing and making out with another guy in the front yard.  Pole dancing with the stop sign.  She has been suicidal in his house.  The first time I met her she asked me to lie about where she was to her family.
 
He has kicked her out but talks to her and she bs's her way back in.  She has said "but I don't remember doing that" so many times.  She claims to love him but I have serious doubts.  I think she is just using him because no one else will take care of her.  If I saw that she really wanted help that would be different.  But she just stops the meds and starts drinking  again and causes more problems.
 
I know my brother is an adult and has to live with his decisions.  I can only tell him how I feel about her (all his friends have said get rid of her too).  I printed off some info from the internet since he does not have a computer.  I'll be there for him when it's over.  Any advice would be helpful though.  Thanks.
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi bluemeanies,
 
Glad you decided to post this here.  Hope you are feeling well today.
 
What a situation.  I agree with you and the police, your brother needs to separate himself from her completely.  You said it exactly, she doesn't want the help, therefore, she's not going to get it, and she's not going to get well at this point or any time soon, only much worse.
 
Bipolar is so complicated and your brother needs to seriously stop and listen to what you're trying to say and to learn about what he is dealing with.  Because she's not trying to help herself, he needs to separate from her immediately.  Things can get so out of hand and dangerous.  I wish she would take care of herself, I hate to think of anyone living with this illness and using drugs and alcohol.  Your brother needs to even simply understand that fact.  The mix of all that is so risky for a lot of things.
 
It's not his responsibility to take care of her or even stay in her life.  I live with an amazing bf, and it's not his responsibility to take care of this whole illness, it is mine.
 
I am glad you are trying to show him about bp and be there.  Keep trying, hopefully he will understand and move on.  You're in my thoughts.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


poopi2shoes
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/11/2007 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
He's in for a rough ride. I married a bipolar. The person marrying the manic depressive has no idea what is going on (me). The person marrying the bipolar is so in 'luvvvvvv' (as in sex), they just don't see the other side. After awhile the UNbipolar spouse starts to think 'oh, I'm nuts. Then the truth kicks in and you realize THEY'RE (the manic depressive) nuts. Then you have to clean up their mess, and the mess takes all your energy and time. In the meantime, you start to get physical manifestations. The heart hurts, literally. You know you've been HAD and don't know where to go for some help. There is no help for spouses of manic depressives that I know of. After all, I guess you have to love the person. You loved the person in the beginning, but when they revealed theirself, you just couldn't believe what was happening. Then you become the 'innocent spouse' in a divorce. Let your brother read this. Living with a manic depressive is torture.

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/11/2007 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
poopsi2shouse,

Welcome to HW!  :-) It sounded like you had a rough time with a bipolar person.


bluemeanies,

There is nothing you can really do with your brother's situation except to educate him about the illness and hope. There are a lot of resources out there that can help you and your brother. Hang in there, and maybe he will come around in time.


~~~ Olivia  ~~~
Moderator, Bipolar

"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
"The moon if always full, think about it."
Dx:  Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder 
Support HealingWellhttp://www.healingwell.com/donate

Post Edited (olivia of course) : 7/12/2007 10:50:38 AM (GMT-6)


poopi2shoes
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/11/2007 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Addendum: my blood pressure skyrocketed after marrying this manic depressive person. Before our marriage, my bp was perfect. And yes, he only remembers what he wants to remember. He forgets anything GOOD. Looking back, I've been physically ill alot, but he hasn't. He has not had one physical illness in the whole time we've been married.
 
 
 
I edited 1 line from this post because due to Forum Rules #3
 
3. No posts that attack, insult, "flame", or abuse members or guests.   Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun off, or insult another member.  Decisions about health and well-being are highly personal, individual choices.  "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 7/12/2007 10:49:15 AM (GMT-6)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/12/2007 2:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Poopi -- Bipolar disorder IS an illness and while it is undoubtedly hellish for the spouse of an when untreated BP sufferer, it is absolutely hellish for those if us living with it as well. It is a disease with an enormous range of symptoms and behaviors. Your experiences and opinions are welcome, but a little respect would be appreciated. This board is largely populated by BP sufferers, not just their spouses.

serafena


(I edited out reference to the insult)

Post Edited (serafena) : 7/13/2007 8:48:41 AM (GMT-6)


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/12/2007 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Poopi2shoes,

I also would appreciate some respect.  I am Bp and I do not appreciate your lack of consideration and respect.  I have never seen anyone use name calling on this forum and I would like to have it kept that way. 

Thank you.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--

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