Yet Another Med Change

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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/11/2007 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel like a lab rat.  I think my pdoc is at his wits end with this.  We're trying Abilify again.  Last time I had such akathisia and panic attacks I went off it.  He's got me on a much higher dose of Ativan now, 2mgs, three times a day.  Maybe I'll be able to manage it.  If nothing else, the akathisia will at least get me out of bed, and he says if it happens again, it will probably pass in time.  He also put me back on Wellbutrin, says the itching palm side effect isn't an allergic response and that if I can take it for a week or so, maybe manage it with Benadryl, it may pass as well.  He also is still letting me take Seroquel to help me sleep at night if I need it.  Abilify tends to give me insomnia after the inital sedation effect wears off.
I'm just so frustrated with all this.  I've never cried in front of my pdoc before but yesterday I was almost hysterical.  I just need help and I feel like we're going round in circles.  He suggested hospitalization but I can't do it.  With all this irritability, I've managed to completely alienate my husband.  Granted, we're separated anyway, but now he won't even speak to me when he comes to visit the kids.  I let him have it over something stupid over the weekend.  Just one of those situations where I was exploding and he was the closest target.  He doesn't understand all this.  Of course he hasn't tried either.  But now he tells me he can't watch the kids if I get hospitalized, at least until the end of june, and there simply is noone else.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 7/11/2007 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
i want so badly to shake some sense into that husband of yours. but lucky for everyone involved i cant. i wish he could be more understanding and supportive. even if your not together anymore. he's asking you to control something you cant. and your trying to control it and getting so overwhelmed by it all thats not helping either. hopefully these meds will be the right change for you. i'm about to head down the lets change the meds road tomorrow. or at least i think i am. the ones im on arent working and surely he wont keep me on them. been on them to darn long and they're not helping. wish that meds didnt have to be so complicated. should be an easier way for us to get better.

good luck with the new meds hopefully they'll work right for you. keep us posted.
I have bipolar disorder, panic attacks w/agoraphobia, social anxiety, diabetes, asthma, and high blood pressure.
 
~ Life is short but I am not. ~


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/11/2007 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
How incredibly frustrating. I'm crossing my fingers for you. That's a LOT of Ativan. :) See you next week *Laughing*

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/11/2007 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I won't drive taking that much ativan, but very few drugs (with the exception of seroquel) actually knock me out. Two Mgs really doesn't do much at all. I don't take it 3 times a day either. Usually I split the pill and take half and only maybe twice a day. Although I won't hesitate to take the whole thing if I need it.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/11/2007 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
2 mg wouldn't do much for me either, but 3 times a day would do me in. I'd be passed out on the kitchen floor. But absolutely, yeah. Take the whole darn thing if you need it.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/11/2007 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Thats the first time I've laughed in a very long time. I had a visual of me lying on the kitchen floor passed out, with kids and dogs and even my husband just stepping over my prone body, completely unconcerned. I've spent so much time in bed lately, they'd probably just think I had decided to nap on the cool tile,lol.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


sooper
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 815
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry your having such a hard time :( I can relate to akathesia and panic with anti-p meds. Never tryed abilify but zyprexa and risperidol(sp) dont seem to agree with me.

2mg ativan 3 times a day doesnt do much for me other than give me some serious short term memory problems. I was on valium 3 times daily 10mg when I had the panic/akathesia from zyprexa for a lil bit. I find this stuff doesnt work well for me after a few days, or a week or two if im just taking it once daily vs 3 times, its saved me though many times but long term more than a month I stop getting any real benifit.

Im sorry about your husband. That is a real tough situation, hopefully in time things will sort them selves for the better when you find the right meds to help that end and work from there.
im a professional... on an amateur level !


Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/11/2007 8:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I didn't realilze what was causing my memory problems until I read your post. I not only am having short term memory problems, I'm groping for words. My 7 year old had to supply the term "glove box" the other day when I was telling my daughter to get something from the car. I just got half way through the sentence and got stuck. I did it talking to the pdoc too.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/12/2007 2:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a lot of trouble with language too when I'm in the middle of an episode too. Which sucks, 'cos I'm a writer and a (former) English teacher. *Laughing* (Don't tell anyone. They'll start making me pay attention to my grammar on the boards.) I can't find words. But that's classic right?

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/12/2007 7:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I didn't realize language problems were part of all this. And I've been dealing with this since I was a teen. I'm in my early 40's now. I know that sometimes when things become severe I can't read. The words don't even look like english. Books have always been my thing. I don't care much for TV, it's too hard to get into with kids in the house. I think thats one of the things I miss the most. I've been trying to read the same book for months. Usually a good one will only last me a couple of days.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/12/2007 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Absolutely. Racing thoughts, inability to concentrate. Inability to clearly communicate, remember details. Especially with mixed states. These are all classic BP symptoms as far as I know. I'm a writer and it's driving me nuts because it's literally completely derailed my fledgling writing career. I left my previous job (note the "former" in front of the "teacher" up there) to write freelance from home and be with my toddler. Three months ago, when my latest episode started, suddenly I couldn't write. AT ALL. I haven't got it back yet. Instead I'm working in my local bookstore (which I've been doing on and off for years) to supplement our income because I had to put my writing career totally on hold. It's just gone. I literally cannot do it. This is the extent of the kind of writing I can manage. This and in my journal, but nothing professional. Nothing "serious," nothing that has to sound pretty. I just can't concentrate long enough to do it.

And I'm with you. I don't care much for tv either. When I can't read, I just pace. I do like to knit. Gives me something to do with my hands, and sometimes it's calming.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/12/2007 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   
I crochet, well, at least when I can manage the patterns. Currently even that seems to be beyond me, and I'm normally able to do some pretty complicated stuff. I've been a stay at home mom for most of my life, my youngest is three. I've always been into crafts, crossstitch, lace net darning, embroidery, some very basic knitting, the one thing I've never mastered is quilting.
I miss all that. Lately with this mixed episode I seem to be missing everything. It's just so frustrating, to feel like you've made some major accomplishment just because you managed to wash a load of towels. My house has gone straight to he** in a handbasket. I've never been a neat freak, I have too many kids, but my house has always been clean. Now I won't let anyone in. It isn't really dirty, just cluttered, can't seem to muster the energy to put it all away. That and the vacuum cleaner seems to trigger massive panic attacks so I don't do it all that often.
Lets hope for both of us this doesn't last long. I'm really worn down, and I'm sure you are too.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/12/2007 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
*Grinning* Absolutely. At night I just look around and think, I could put all this away now and clean, or I could just lay down. Guess which wins? Mostly laying down. Luckily, not on the kitchen floor -- not yet. :)
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