Long, but I need advice...please help

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roxyluvr
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 7/13/2007 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello...
 
Back in October, I met the most amazing guy.  We have a connection like you can't imagine and from the moment we first spoke I really felt like he was the one.  Things were perfect...smiles and butterflies and constant talks about the future.
 
Then Christmas day was when it first happened.  Out of the clear blue, he decided things were moving too fast and he couldn't handle it anymore.  He broke up with me.  A few days later, we talked and got back together.  This was the first of about 10 break ups since then.
 
I noticed he had terrible mood swings brought on by nothing.  Then one day when he was level he admitted he felt he was bipolar.  It was a huge weight off my shoulders because I knew it really wasn't me.  We started doing research and realized that he fit the mold perfectly for cyclothymia.  There was another break up in between, but we found him a doctor and he started going.
 
The doctor began treating him for anxiety and depression with Prozac and Xanax.  This raised a red flag for me because it flat out says if you are bipolar, do not take Prozac, but i'm not a doctor.  about a week later my guy had horrible fits of anger over nothing, and the following he broke up with me, sleeping with another girl the same night and continuing partying behavior (the stage of life he said he was over) for 3 weeks until we finally duked it out and decided to work things out.  In this time, I called his doctor to let him know (what a disaster that was when my guy found out...) and he started looking into things.
 
HOWEVER, I think this doctor is from the old school way of thinking and has basically stated that since he doesn't have huuuge symptoms (ie. the extreme versions of bipolar), he is not bipolar.  The last time he went for an appointment (and I was there) he said he was going to check in with him with his next appt in 6 weeks (and he doesn't see a counselor in between b/c he says they do nothing for him...grrr) and possibly look into putting him on a mood stablizer.
 
From that last break up until recently it has been 2 months.  Things were great.  I thought his body adjusted to the prozac and things were ok.  But then (I don't know if it was coincidental or not) he had to go on antibiotics/pain killers for a cyst he had that burst, and the angry mood swings started again.  I called him out on this and after several fights and a "break up" (only a few hours...doesn't count), he said he needed to call the doctor again.
 
A few days went by and he still hadn't called.  He told me he was waiting to see if things went back to normal since he had been off the other meds for a few days.  He had an angry swing about an hour later while we were on the way to a friends house and he almost turned around to leave me home (because everything is ALWAYS my fault...he's very controling and things have to be his way...I think this stems from ish that happened in his childhood, but that's another story...and another reason I think he needs to be in counseling...even I have gone into counseling myself and it's made a huge difference in my life.).  We still went to the bbq and he calmed down and apologized.  I made him promise to call the doctor the next day and he said ok.
 
When I asked the outcome the next day, he said he got a letter in the mail saying his doctor was no longer in his insurance network.  I asked what he was gonna do and he got really nasty saying he hadn't thought about it yet and was going out.  Things were weird all night.  The next day he went on the internet and found out 2 gossip-queens we use to be friends with were talking about us being back together on one site (a lot of people have this obsession with me and us like we're some type of celebrities or something...it's very odd, but I guess they have nothing better going on in their lives...it's very childish).  He flipped out and said he couldn't handle having to defend me anymore and broke up with me...again.
 
At this point, the only thing I am trying is to get him to open up his eyes and realize what's going on (which has happened, but never the way i'm trying for).  Basically, i'm taking all control of the situation away from him.  I haven't responded to the very few venues he is still able to reach me  (I blocked him online, etc.).  Yesterday he did come over to get his things, including money he had given me for a concert ticket, which I said I decided I was putting towards things I had bought him lately (beer, etc.) b/c had I known this was going to happen, I never would have paid for the stuff.  I was just helping him out.  Is this necessarily the right thing to do?  No, but i'm taking the control of the situation away from him and he doesn't know what to do.  He's admitted in the past no girl has ever stood up to him, and i'm finally back to where I use to be before he broke me down so much, so i'm not afraid to do so.  If he doesn't open up his eyes, i'm his loss.
 
I know he'll be back at some given point..it's too routine for him to not be.  If he's not, hopefully i'll have gone down this path long enough to be on the road to being over it.  My question though (and thank you for anyone who has gotten to this point in reading) is there actually hope for him getting better?  I mean, the only way at this point i'm even getting back into this relationship this time is if he flat out breaks down and does the whole he can't live without me vulnerable thing, because trying to get anything through his head any other way won't work.  But is this normal behavior that can be maintained with the proper medication and treatment?  I honestly want more than anything in the world for this to work out, but I can't take being put down and walking on eggshells because I don't know what's going to happen next.  Stupid doctor for making him think he's just dealing with some depression and anxiety.  Ugghhh.
 
Again, thank you for reading, but at this point I found this site and I think people here may be the only ones who can give me the answers I can't find on my own.  Thanks.

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/13/2007 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
roxyluvr,

It sounds like you are going through rough times, and hopefully it gets better. You can only do so much for you bf, but he has to come to terms with the disorder. From what you wrote he is definetly having an episode, it may be caused by the medication, or just simply a BP episode.

When things have calmed down, you can suggest finding another Dr. Because as mild as cyclothymia is seen in the eyes of Drs, that doesn't mean your bf doesn't need mood stabilizers.

From what you describe, your bf is having mood swings. If you are not comfortable with the things are, I would recommend getting a 2nd opinion.

Hang in there!

~~~ Olivia  ~~~
Moderator, Bipolar

"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
"The moon if always full, think about it."
Dx:  Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder 
Support HealingWellhttp://www.healingwell.com/donate


roxyluvr
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 7/13/2007 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Olivia...

I guess in the past, i've always found a way to bring him out of it...be it through fighting with him or whatever, but i've always been the first to "cave". This time, I refuse to be that person. I figure he will come around eventually, and i'm already seeing him not know how to react since he doesn't have that "control" over me right now. He's trying to do little things to get to me (ie. unfriending me on websites, etc.), but i'm still not responding and standing strong. It's just so hard because I love him to death, but I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this.

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/13/2007 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
roxyluvr,
 
Welcome to the HW family, I hope you find the support you are looking for in the forums.  :-)

~~~ Olivia  ~~~
Moderator, Bipolar

"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
"The moon if always full, think about it."
Dx:  Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder 
Support HealingWellhttp://www.healingwell.com/donate


joe1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 7/13/2007 10:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi roxy,

am new here as well... I kind of fit the bill/description of your boyfriend. I myself have been in an on and off situation with my ex girlfriend... I suppose the only person who has stuck with me through thick and thin.

I have been battling/coming to terms with my illness after enumerate hospitalisations and ECT...
and she was always there...
But lately in the last two months I seemed to be pushing her away more and more... subconsciously I wanted her to be free from my outbursts and inconsistencies, I wanted to free her... and finally after we went to my pdoc/counsellor, he advised my gf to take a break from me and to focus on herself and that "I do better on my own"

I am still trying to face that fact. now... she wants nothing to do with me... she said she gave everything and now she wants,in no uncertain terms, NOTHING to do with me. Its her way of moving on... but I still cling onto her memory like a suckling calf. After 5 years of a tumultuous relationship... we have finally broken up... and I am left alone to FACE UP to what I am and the pain I have inflicted...

I feel bad for you and wish you all the best. In my romantic state, I would wish for you to hang onto him if you have the strength... help him. But when push comes to shove... leave him... give yourself a few months of away time from him... and well... that'll be the boat I'm in... and its not easy for me to live without her knowing full well the pain I've caused her... but setting her free was not what I wanted... I wanted just a break... she wanted the full breakup. I guess everyone has their limits. And you may or may not have reached yours.

Everything is impermanent... pain doesn't stay the same. The pain of seperation... well, I don't know about you... but if you can manage, then help him while taking good care of yourself and being patient with him. When you've given just about as much as you can... release him

take care and my thoughts are with you...

joe
__________________________________________________________________
Bipolar Type 1
Social anxiety/agoraphobia
100mg Lamictal 3 times daily
500-600 seroquel at night
2.5mg diazepam 3 times daily, 10mg at night
___________________________________________________________________
"when we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory that we have not loved enough" - Maurice Maeterlinck (Belgian writer)

"if any person wish to be idle, let them fall in love." - Ovid (Roman Poet)

"All Life is Dukkha (suffering)" - Buddhist ism. Life lies a slow suicide

"Oh wretched man that I am, who can rescue me from this body of death?" - Paul, Romans 7:24

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