New to forum: going through mild depression

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joe1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 7/13/2007 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello people,

I have been reading the forums for over a month now, and would like to first and foremost say that I am very glad to see such a supportive network on the internet.
I have been to various forums, but not participated... mainly due to the fact that everytime I broadcast a cry for help or just a silent scream to catch a sliver of a response... I feel like a broken record having to repeat my mental history for well over 12 years... I'm 31 by this 22nd October.
I was diagnosed with major depression 13 years ago and after a failed suicide attempt was placed in hospital and received Electro-convulsive therapy... instead of getting stable, I swung to full blown mania, left home and therapy/pdoc for some big business idea and crashed after 6 months, prompting my re-diagnosis as bipolar 1.
I stay in Singapore, am Chinese and am required by law to serve some 3 years of national service. I got an early discharge after 1 year of clerical service due to enumerate depressive episodes... and was labeled as Pes 'F' which means failed to complete service (its like getting a death sentence for future job interviews)
I have gone through at least 10-12 courses of ECT and hospitalised (of my own accord) for a total of 40 days during the course of my 10+ years of battling the illness.
During the past 6 months I have been rapid cycling and the final blow came after I wanted to leave Singapore for Amsterdam for 3 months. And after an argument with my girlfriend who has stuck by me for some 5 years... we went for counselling and I decided to have a break, but on the second meeting... it was decided that in order to protect her from my tantrums and (not physically) abusive irritability and claustrophobic relationship... we should give each other a break.
It has been 3 months since the breakup. It has been 10 days since I last called her. I have 3 friends who I can call upon. I am truly blessed... even though right now.. I am in inertia hell. My hypomanic symptoms have dissipated and am left having to see my pdoc to prevent full blown depression. Am not suicidal... am pretty silent (when down)... but I wish so much to be a better person... someone not always needing but capable of giving (in moderation).

I wish all here the best of luck and blessings. for I witness such pain and hope here. In singapore, mental illness carries much of a stigma... I hope to find freedom of expression here...

_____________
on 300mg seroquel at night, 200mg seroquel in mornings
Lamictal 100mg 3 times daily
Valium 2.5 3 times daily 10mg at night

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/13/2007 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Joe 1976,

Welcome to HW, I am glad you found us.  I hope you will find the support you are looking for here.  I am so sorry that things have been very rough for you.

Again, welcome.  :-)


~~~ Olivia  ~~~
Moderator, Bipolar

"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
"The moon if always full, think about it."
Dx:  Bipolar I (mixed-episodes), PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder 
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serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/14/2007 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Joe, welcome. Singapore seems so far away from Indiana, where I am. And here we are, both struggling with the same thing. I'm curious about the ECT. If you don't mind me asking, is that done fairly regularly in Singapore? In the US, it's considered sort of a last resort. For a long time, it was fairly taboo, but it's coming back into use again. Just yesterday my therapist was telling me about a woman she had seen with a port that had put into her left chest which sent a small shock to her brain automatically every 5 minutes.

jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 7/14/2007 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
just wanted to say hi and welcome. i hope that you'll find the kinda support your looking for here. things havent been so easy for you and we're here to listen when you need. everyone is so nice and welcoming. i'm fairly new to all this myself and have found it to be a very supportive place to be. hope that you will be able to say the same.
I have bipolar disorder, panic attacks w/agoraphobia, social anxiety, diabetes, asthma, and high blood pressure.
 
~ Life is short but I am not. ~


joe1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 7/14/2007 10:54 PM (GMT -7)   
serafena said...
Hi Joe, welcome. Singapore seems so far away from Indiana, where I am. And here we are, both struggling with the same thing. I'm curious about the ECT. If you don't mind me asking, is that done fairly regularly in Singapore? In the US, it's considered sort of a last resort. For a long time, it was fairly taboo, but it's coming back into use again. Just yesterday my therapist was telling me about a woman she had seen with a port that had put into her left chest which sent a small shock to her brain automatically every 5 minutes.


Hi serafena... ECT is really a last resort, I had 3 failed suicide attempts (don't wanna get into details)... but my last ECT was about 3 years ago and since then haven't needed it since.

It is HIGHLY effective in my case cos it usually gets me out of a severely life threatening depressed state. That having been said, much of the stigma behind it is sometimes hogwash. If it saved me from harming my loved ones then its a chance I would take. a series of ECT here is 3 sessions... you are placed under general anesthetic and electrodes are placed at the temples along with something like a mouth brace preventing you from choking on your tongue while convulsing...

It did for 2 times send me into extreme mania. But the doctors usually reserve ECT as a last resort. I was in dire straits and could no longer defend myself against suicidal ideation. the attempts were not cries for help... I just failed to complete them
 

I edited part of your post due to Forum Rule #1

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

 

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 7/16/2007 5:36:46 PM (GMT-6)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/15/2007 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Joe. I've known only one other person who had the procedure, and she was relatively grateful for it too. She isn't bipolar, she's suffered from severe depression, and it also helped boost her out of it. But she's never wanted to talk about it.

No need to explain about suicide ideation here -- many of us have been there. I appreciate your honesty though. I know it's tough to talk about. This is the ugliest it gets.

serafena
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