How do you handle it?

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roxyluvr
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 7/19/2007 8:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone...
 
First off, I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me through this break up.  I've come to the realization that I can't fix the fact that my ex is bipolar and that it is not my concern if he is not diligent about getting it treated.  With that said, as hard as it is, I think i'm going to have to walk away from this...even though I know he'll be back as soon as he stabilizes, as he always is.
 
Even though I have chosen to put myself first (for the first time in a long time), it is still breaking my heart to watch him go through this.  For instance, today he posted online that he's booking a trip to Europe.  One of the last conversations we had was in reference to how he was going to have to save every penny he was making to be able to afford a new car in a few months because his is on it's way out.  Now he's going to Europe.  Part of me wants to call him and try to talk some sense into him, but then i'm just being pulled right back into the destructive cycle he has me in.
 
What I want to know, is how do people deal with watching this go on?  I know just about everyone here is doing everything possible to be treated properly and are fully aware of their condition, but perhaps before you were diagnosed or something.  I just find it so hard to walk away from him when I know he's being so distructive with himself.  It's so hard to watch someone you love hurt themselves and knowing there's nothing you can do to stop it.
 
Thanks for any advice you have!!

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 7/19/2007 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Roxyluvr, as with anything, you can't help someone who isn't ready to help themselves. That is true with addicts of any kind, people with disabilities that occur out of the blue that people have to suddenly deal with - i.e. loosing a leg, having a stroke, whatever...and it is true with people who are ill whether it be cancer, diabetes or BP. When a BP wants help, they will seek it. They may still struggle, but they will be proactive about getting help and facing the condition. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do other than accept it, and not look.

You have chosen to end things permanently. So...wish him well on his trip and let him be responsible for the fallout. If you want to say something...and not get re-involved...you could say...."Are you sure the trip is a good idea right now as you mentioned you needed to save for a car soon?" And then when he says he wants the trip...wish him well and let go. You can present an idea, but he will do what he wants. We all are responsible for our own lives and choices. Even your ex boyfriend. Good luck, LFW

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/19/2007 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Roxy,

I'm with LFW on this, you both have chosen to end the relationship. You can inquire about the trip and the car thing. But you are limited to what you can say and do. You should wish him the best, and work on moving on.


~~~  Olivia  ~~~
Moderator, Bipolar

Dx:
 
Bipolar 1,  PTSD,  Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"

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