New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/29/2007 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Guys,
 
The last couple of weeks have been better than that last bout of depression I was in.  The first week after that, I was feeling much better, more stable, maybe a little high a few of the days...But this past week I have been mixed and all over the place.
 
Today I am feeling depressed, I know the crash is coming.  I am irritable today, and just so upset feeling that I am going to that dark place; I don't want the depression.  Even all week was hard to deal with, being mixed.  Ugh.
 
Also, since my last depressed state, I have been silent about not feeling well (mixed etc.) with my bf.  I haven't let on at all that I've been struggling. And so now, knowing the depression is just around the corner again, I am scared.  The last one really made things awful between me and my bf.  We got into huge fights, and honestly I wondered if we could go on together.  I don't ever want us to part, but it felt like he was so angry with me.  The depressive symptoms are so hard to control...the crying, the despair, the fear...I can't hide them like I can the other moods/symptoms.  I know that I shouldn't be hiding this from him, but I just feel like I can't talk to him about the bipolar.  There have been a few times that he has really listened, and been supportive.  And just before my last depression, we were having major breakthroughs with him simply acknowledging that I wasn't feeling well.  I had so much hope when that was happening.  Then the depression hit, and we haven't talked about my illness/how I'm feeling since.  I feel like the hope is almost gone...
 
Anyway, I'm just feeling a bit alone and stressed right now.  Thanks for reading.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


Zomese
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 7/29/2007 10:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Mogli,
 
There was a time where I was experiencing the same thing. My husband & I have been married for 4 years and around the begining of the second year is when I started experiencing severe depression following my manic phases.
 
My husband did not understand at all. He kept pushing me to do things that I didn't want to do, thinking I just needed to get out of the house. Basically everything you could say wrong to an anxious person w/ bipolar he said. Not meaning to hurt me, he just didn't get it. He thought that I just didn't want to do things. He thought I liked to argue.
 
We argued constantly. So finally I took him to an appointment with me and he was able to talk to the doctor himself. I bought 2 bipolar books and told him if you really want to support me, read these and just try to understand what I go through.
 
Now he is the most supportive person I have in my life. He never says anything that hurts my feelings anymore. Of course this did not happen over night, there were a lot of arguements before we got to this point. There were also several things I had to work on as well. There are some things that I would say before that are just off limit. Same w/ him.
 
I think you just need to really talk to your boyfriend and try to help him understand. Talk to him before your depressed or before your manic. I can also feel my mood shift before I become manic or depressed and I always give him a heads up, then he knows to be a little more sensitive to what I say. I think you and your boyfriend can do the same thing.
 
Zomese
 
Bipolar II, Panic Disorder & OCD
28 Years old
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/29/2007 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Zomese,
 
Thank you so much for your reply.  Welcome back from your vacation, I'm glad you've returned safe and sound.  Hope you had a great time :-)
 
I reallly appreciate all that you said.  I would give anything for my boyfriend to read a book on Bipolar.  I have 3 here at home that are mine, that I bought.  He once said to me he's read about Bipolar on the internet, but it's not the same.  The books I have are great.  One of them is for bipolar relationships.  I think if he read one of my books, he would have some more understanding.  But when I suggest these things, it makes him upset or angry.  I think the reason for that is that it feels like I'm telling him "he's not doing anything right" or "he doesn't do anything to support me".  He's even said to me "you said yourself I could never fully understand your illness unless I was bipolar myself".  I did say that, but that doesn't mean he can't come to some understanding and without educating himself, he'll never get to that "some understanding".  He just gets mad b/c it's like I'm attacking him, or saying he's a terrible guy b/c he doesn't understand.  Honestly.  And it's not even anything close to that.  I constantly tell him how wonderful he is and when he is supportive I tell him how much I appreciate it and how much it means to me, b/c I know it's not easy.
 
I honestly do everything I can to acknowledge his struggle with this, but when it comes to mine, I feel alone sometimes.
 
I just don't think I can talk to him about this anymore.  I asked my counsellor if she would see us both together, to try to have someone else explain to him what I'm dealing with, and how much I am doing to manage it, for both of us.  And how much I need a little support from him.  But the more I think about that the more I think it wouldn't work, b/c once again, I think he would be mad...that I'm making him sound like the bad guy.
 
Ugh, I am getting more upset just thinking about all of this...I don't know what to do.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 7/29/2007 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Migli,

I am sorry that you are feeling out of sorts. Just week ago you were very encouraging to me, and I wanted to thank you for it. I am sorry you are going through the struggles, hopefully you will get the support you are looking for from you bf. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Olivie
Moderator, Bipolar

Dx:  Bipolar 1,  PTSD,  Anxiety-Panic Disorder
Support HealingWell: 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate

"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/30/2007 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   

Olivia,

Thank you so much for your support and comfort, it means a lot.  I'm feeling depressed today and I have things to do....I wish I could just go back to bed.

I really don't know if I should bring my bf for a counselling session.  I meet with my counsellor on Wednesday to talk about it more.  She wants me to write down some thoughts that I would like to have discussed if I do bring him in.  Ugh.  Anyway, thanks again for your post, hope you are doing well.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


dutchie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 7/30/2007 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogs

Footballfan and I have been on holidays. We've just done some day trips and have taken it easy here at home. The time spent with him has been really good for me. Everyday my head feels more clear about the goals I am setting for myself. I told him yesterday that I feel like I finally have some sort of inner peace. It is hard to discribe, but perhaps you understand. I still have definite moments of sadness, but I feel like I am managing it better now. I am trying to concentrate more on me and taking control of me and not trying to take control of the relationship. It is difficult to shake the feeling of wanting things "better"....but I know it is a process.

I think it is a great idea for you to take your bf to councelling with you. I think it help so much to understand things from a different perspective. I know Footballfan and I can talk and talk......and then sometimes our coucellor will say basically the same thing, and all of a sudden it just clicks. I do believe that much of you bf's anger and frustrations come from a lack of understanding. And when you are low would not be a good time to confront him with anything.

I did notice in your postings that you are making up your mind for him about how he will react. YOU are thinking for HIM. This was a huge downfall for me. I did it with Footballfan especially, but with basically everyone else I would encounter in a day as well. If you are already in a down state, he may not come this time because his guard is already up. But, that does not mean he will not. These are things you need to discuss when you are thinking more clear as well. If he loves you...if he cares about the relationship, if you relay to him that you need his support in every aspect of your life, why would he say no? If you approach him in a more logical, less emotional state, I believe he will make the right decisions for you and this relationship. You can not hide things from him, you can not decide things for him. Let him be that support system you need.

I look forward to seeing how you make out.
We've been thinking about you.
Dutchie

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/30/2007 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Dutchie,

Your post brought tears to my eyes today.  I cannot tell you how good it was to hear from you; I've been thinking about you (and Footballfan) wondering how you both have been doing.  I am so glad to know you're still here on HW.  It's also nice to know you took some time together, had a holiday.  It was probably needed with all you have both been going through.

I can definitely relate to the clear thinking.  My thinking becomes very clear when I'm brinking on hmania or fully in that state.  But even so, it is in fact clear thinking, and I can finally see things and sort things out.  Of course this also happens in a normal mood, but it's been ages since I've felt normal for one day.

It's great that you're still focused Dutchie, way to go!  You are still making progress, and at the same time acknowledging it's a "process".  I think you've got the right idea, by focusing on yourself.  That will help you immensely.

So--thank you for your advice.  Something I do know for sure is that I will make sure I am in a good state of mind when I talk to my boyfriend about bringing him to counselling.  I learned that when facing possible conflict, it is best to chose a time outside of the emotional moments to have discussions.  I have really taken in the other things that you've said--about me deciding what his reactions are going to be regarding my depression, going to conselling etc.  I know for sure, he loves me, AND he wants us to be together, he truly wants our life together.  He wants us to have a wonderful future and has already done so many things to make sure that happens.  He definitely cares about our relationship; and I know that is important.  It's just the emotional support of this illness that I need, and I am not sure it's going to happen.  But like I said, I will take what you said with me and not forget it.  Afterall, he has shown this support to me before, so I have to remember that he can do it...It's just will he?

I am going to sit down and write some of the things that I am concerned about and talk it over with my counsellor on Wednesday.  I was planning to start doing that this afternoon, you have given me more to think about.  So I'm glad I got your post before I did this writing.  Thank you so much, and I will post on how this all goes.

Take care Dutchie, so glad you're back.



Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 04, 2016 9:31 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,558 posts in 301,031 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151190 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, nakertar.
280 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
George_, sheepguy, Bololidat, Almost a 10, Girlie, Huddie, Mustard Seed, kodaska, trumpet123


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer