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Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/1/2007 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Saw my pdoc yesterday. Was feeling better before I went in. I'm not sure why this is so important to me. Why I need this nice neat dx. This whole "severe mood disorder" with no specifications makes me nuts. Ok so I'm already nuts, but it makes it worse. We started out with a Bipolar DX that I've had for nearly 20 years. Then he said maybe unipolar. Then I came all unglued in the spring and went to bed not to arise without shouting at people for months, and was told I was having a mixed episode.
I'm on multiple meds. 2 AP's, an AD and a Benzo. How can I justify being on all these drugs if they don't really even know whats wrong with me. Granted they're helping, and I have no intention of stopping my meds. I'm finally feeling fairly normal most of the time, and my kids need that from me, but I'm still pissed. I just want to know whats going on with me. What the problem is. Has anyone else run into this "nonspecified mood disorder" #$^% ?.

Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 8/1/2007 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ellie,
 
I hear ya!  Believe me, this illness is complex and confusing.  So, perfect timing because I'm just reading a new book by Dr Jim Phelps who also has a great website.  I just bought this book a week ago and I think it would really answer a lot of your questions and help you talk to your pdoc so you guys can have the best treatment for you.  It'll really help you figure out what your symptoms are like, because everyone is different.
 
Book- Why am I Still Depressed? by Jim Phelps
 
This book goes into the bipolar illness and diagnosis in detail.  It proves my thinking, that all these pdocs, researchers, etc. do not know everything about bipolar.  Not even close.
 
Hopefully that helps.  You said the meds are helping, so that's good.  I hate mixed states, it feels really awful.  Hugs for you Ellie and hopefully you can get your hands on this book somehow, at your library or something? 
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/1/2007 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellie,
 
Wow that's rough, especially after hearing the same thing for 20 years, and you are not nuts.
 
Since I 1st got diagnosed, my dx changed.  I was unipolar, then BPII then it was NOS for a while, and now BPI.  I was annoyed when one of my pdoc of the past told me he didn't even have a diagnosis for me, yet for almost 2 years like you I was on a MS, AP, AD and a benzo and no diagnosis.  It still p****s me off till this day.
 
I am sorry you are going through changes again, I would not be happy especially after that long of a time.  But the label really doesn't matter in the end.  It matters if you are getting the right and effective treatment or not.  I hope things come together for you soon, and not have to change pdocs.  Again, I am sorry you are going through this.
 
 
Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"
Dx:  Bipolar 1,  PTSD,  Anxiety-Panic Disorder
Support HealingWell: 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


wickedlycoolcomfort
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 8/2/2007 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Greetings Olivia, Ellie an Mogli :)
Your post caught my eye. My boyfriend just recently went into a "****" as he calls it; a depressive episode. You said he knew he had burned out his meds because they no longer had the effect on him as before. It's as if he is taking tnothing. He went to his PDOC finally. The doc told him that he is reevaluating his DX from BP11 to to be determined. My boyfriend now has to chart every mood he experiences and in detail. My BF has been BP11 his whole life (he's 35 now). Is it something that happens regulary; for a person to have their DX changed?

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/3/2007 7:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Mine has changed half a dozen times, from BPI, to BPII to Unipolar, ptsd, ocd etc. But it always seems to roll back around to BPI. I have such paradoxal reactions to most psych meds. that there have been many, many side effects and treatment for me is always difficult. I think they believe that simply because the meds don't always work, maybe they're dealing with a different condition. This time they couldnt' break my depression until I was put on an antipsychotic in addition to the other meds. So much for unipolar. THe AD's didn't work for me at all without the AP.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


wickedlycoolcomfort
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 8/3/2007 8:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the feedback! Can you tell me..this is more of a personal selfish question; when youre depressed, do you push away your loved ones? I haven't heard from my boyfriend for almost three weeks. He emailed me and gave me an update on where he's at but it was totally non-emotional and still hasnt emailed me since then or text a message or called etc. Is it that incredibly painful to call your spouse/loved one? He works at his job and I assme talks to his co-workers but somehow just cannot call me. Why? I'm feeling like crap because of it.

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/4/2007 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
I shut down completely when things get bad. It isn't that I don't care about anyone. I just can't seem to let myself feel it too much. I'm so consumed with all the raging emotions, the ups and downs, and sometimes just trying to survive it all, that I often don't have the ability to relate to anyone. I can't reassure anyone that I care about them, my poor kids really had it rough this summer. I could tell them I loved them, try to interact with them as much as possible, but in all truth, for the most part I was emotionally unavailable. I could barely touch them. Hugging or letting them sit on my lap made me feel that I would explode. I know they picked up on it. Thank heavens it's passed now with the aid of the meds and I can be a mom again.
I went through 3 months where I couldn't even answer my phone. My adult daughter thats living out of state still won't speak to me because of that.
It's possible that your BF just can't do anything but deal with his issues right now. I'd let him know that you're there for him, and then all you can do is wait it out.
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


wickedlycoolcomfort
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 8/5/2007 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Ellie-

Thank you so much for your reply on your personal experiences.  As bad as this may sound, I feel better about the situation, as it is very hard and frustrating to continually remind myself not to take his episode personally against me.  I know it has absolutely nothing to do with me and I think in his moments of lucidity, he thinks of me and also did tha email to me.  I don't think he is taking his meds right now because his Pdoc is evaluating his raw moods (he's charting/journaling his moods per instructions from Pdoc) to, I would assume, prescribe him a new mix of Rx.  He could have experienced a break through with his current meds which I have come to find happens to many while taking meds.  Again, I'm not sure just why his current Rxs no longer work for him.  In any case, I am assuming that is why he isn't talking to me.  I am also assuming/hoping that once the new mix of meds is precribed, it may be another few months until my bf is back to his old self.  I certainly will weather the storm out.  I guess I just need to know that when he is normal again, he will once again adore me as he did only days before the condition set in.

Again..thank you so very much for your reply :-)


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

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