I think my husband may be bi-polar!!!
Before Christmas last year (very soon after the birth of our second child) I started to notice a behavior change in my Husband.. Just slightly at first... He was making spontaneous choices and spending time out with friends drinking... he was staying up late and sometimes not even coming to bed... calling in to work sick occasionally.... He was kind of rude and Anti-social with family members (On both sides) during the holidays.
In January he came to me and said he was going on a day trip with this women that he works and her Husband. My gut told me something was wrong and when I got up the next morning I saw him driving away with just her (and not her husband) in her vehicle.... I freaked... I thought Oh My god he having an affair. I began snooping and finding all kinds of info that pointed to an affair....
When He came home I confronted him and he through a complete fit, smashed things kicked and screamed and implied suicide threats... called the women's husband and put me on the phone to verify that there was no affair....
Things have gotten progressively worse... He takes off out of town for several days at a time claims to be on his own.... Spends money very quickly and very selfishly (Buys Things only for himself). I catch him in lies all the time; he spends very little time with our children. Treats his parents like they don't exist, calls me names and yells at me quite often.
Pre-January... I had a loving husband who never even raised his voice. He doted on me and our children, was an amazing father... he was extremely close to his parents and very cautious of money and saving for our future....
I am 99% Positive he is having an affair, but I am so convinced that it is much more then that. The big mistake I have made is questioning him as this just agitates him and sends him into rages to the point where thousands of dollars of damage has been done to our home. He has backed away from all of his old friends, quit playing his favorite sport that he played all his life and only hangs out with people he works with and namely this women.
He no longer lives at home as I called the police after one of his rages in hopes to get him some help and this just seems to have made him angrier. He now stays at his parents, His appetite is not there, he sleeps alot and he is moody and quiet most of the time.
And then there will be days where he is kind, and non-stop talking about the weather and the latest show he's seen and he's volunteering to bath and put the kids to bed.
The most confusing thing is our relationship... Mostly he is cruel and cold hearted towards me... but as soon as I go to do something or start to backaway from him he goes into a rage. He cries and tells me he loves me and he will be better. We make love and then he's gone and ignores me again.... He tells people he works with Lies about how I tricked him into getting me Pregnant and he hates me and wants a divorce, but tells me there the one's lying and tries everything to manipulate me into staying....
When he's in a good mood... he agrees he needs help and promises to go to the Dr. and counseling but he never follows through....
I love him, but if he won't help himself what can I do..... And now get questioning him is the worst thing but I cannot go on and ignore everything that has happened in the last eight months.
And if he has had an affair.... Can I forgive him if he's sick?
There is so much more then this, i could write a book with the drama that has been my life for the last eight months. Can a switch be flipped on this? He is in his early thirties....
Welcome to the HW family, I am glad you found us. I hope you get the support you are looking for here.
I am with Ellie on this one, it could be bipolar, but it can be other things too. It's hard too say, from what you have describe. Your husband is definetly haveing mood disturbances, but it is hard to say what is causing it. Especially since he has not seen a doc about what he is going through. Best wishes, and please keep us updated with what is going on. Hang in there.
Scared, I’m not clear about this…does HE recognize at all that his behavior is off? If not, there is nothing you can do but protect yourself and your kids from his extremely erratic behavior. Ask his parents to help you do that. Gain legal counsel about your options to protect assets from being hidden, pillaged, and sold off, etc. But, if he does, tell him you are concerned about a possible brain tumor or some such ailment to explain his sudden personality shift. If he agrees to see the M.D. then set up an appointment with a neurologist immediately. Be sure and go with him to the appointment. Since this is new and sudden behavior, you must rule out a physical ailment before progressing to a psychiatrist anyway. I know you love him, but first and foremost you must take care of your kids and all of your futures. I can only imagine living this way for anyone, let alone someone with young children depending on them, must be unbearable.
I don't know if this will help, but when approaching my BP husband, I do know that sometimes my talking to him during what seems to be a balanced time (without pushing TOO hard) has more success than when he is over reacting. If he is in a "normal" state, then maybe that is the time to CALMLY speak to him about it. It doesn't then come from threats, just love and concern. Maybe then he can hear you better?
I wish you the best scared, it sounds like a very tough place to be right now. LFW
My, what a situation you are in. I've read through the posts, and my fellow HWer's have said all the things I would have said. Your husband is definitely experiencing extreme mood shifts; this and his spending/the affair could be a sign...It's all hard to say without any signs of symtpoms before all of this. He definitely would need a thorough, very thorough examination. Physical, and emotional.
My concern is your safety and your children's safety. I don't like the thought of him coming and going when he pleases. He's very unstable, that is for sure. And that is very unpredictable. Not safe for your family hun.
I am keeping you in my thoughts, and I hope so much that you can find some help somehow. Good for you for calling 911, and for the police tracking him. If anything bad happens, do not hesitate to call the police. You and your children need to stay safe. I am so sorry that this has all happened to you. My heart goes out to you, I cannot imagine this extreme change hitting you out of nowhere like it has.
Stay safe, take care and keep us upated.
I don't believe there is going to be anything that you can do for him at this point or maybe anymore. I am sorry for that, I know it's painful. But like you said, your number one priority are your kids.
How long have you been married? Regardless of what your husband is dealing with, be it bipolar or drugs, or whatever--He is being abusive, and to me, that is grounds for ending things. The only reason I say that is because of the abuse. I don't see it chaning or going away, especially because he will not be dealing with it. This is so awful I know, because I know you love him. But you cannot live like this and your children cannot go through this messy stuff. I know he's making threats that may seem empty or for attention, but you never ever know...
Urggggggg..... OK... So I'm staying tough, I am not chasing him, leaving him alone when he's in a bad mood and strangly enough for a few days he seemed in a calm, yet he was making excuses to call and come over.
Sunday night he calls and asks if he can come over cause he forgot his keys to his parents house and can't get in. I say sure Come get the spare key... He comes trys kissing me and I keep pushing him away and he tears up and asks me why.. I say I am not a yo-yo and he needs to get help.. blabla same old same old. He goes to leave cause he is mad, but stops at the doorway and stares at me for a long time (at least 15 minutes) I say nothing. He then comes to me grabs my hands and tells me how sorry he is and wants to come home, he will be better... I said Actions speak loader then words....
Next day... he's perfect... take the kids to park.. go out for lunch....take the kids visiting his parents.. nice day.... He's been ignoring me ever since. asked him to help with a few errands... nope... Didn't make the appointment... basically an exact repeat.
so do I.... do nothing and continue to ignor him, And repeat myself when he comes around again OR Send him a note, a phone call or something to let him know he dropped the ball again.
I am so frustrated, and I really really want to yell at him....
Also, can someone tell me... could he be having "racing thoughts" and I wouldn't know it... he gets into these sates where he's all fidgety and it seems like he just needs to get away from me and I almost wonder if he is starting to have painic attacs. (I have asked him and he says no to both)