Is This Bi-Polar?

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Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/21/2007 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   

I think my husband may be bi-polar!!!

Before Christmas last year (very soon after the birth of our second child) I started to notice a behavior change in my Husband.. Just slightly at first... He was making spontaneous choices and spending time out with friends drinking... he was staying up late and sometimes not even coming to bed... calling in to work sick occasionally.... He was kind of rude and Anti-social with family members (On both sides) during the holidays.

In January he came to me and said he was going on a day trip with this women that he works and her Husband. My gut told me something was wrong and when I got up the next morning I saw him driving away with just her (and not her husband) in her vehicle.... I freaked... I thought Oh My god he having an affair. I began snooping and finding all kinds of info that pointed to an affair....

When He came home I confronted him and he through a complete fit, smashed things kicked and screamed and implied suicide threats... called the women's husband and put me on the phone to verify that there was no affair....

Things have gotten progressively worse... He takes off out of town for several days at a time claims to be on his own.... Spends money very quickly and very selfishly (Buys Things only for himself). I catch him in lies all the time; he spends very little time with our children. Treats his parents like they don't exist, calls me names and yells at me quite often.

Pre-January... I had a loving husband who never even raised his voice. He doted on me and our children, was an amazing father... he was extremely close to his parents and very cautious of money and saving for our future....

I am 99% Positive he is having an affair, but I am so convinced that it is much more then that. The big mistake I have made is questioning him as this just agitates him and sends him into rages to the point where thousands of dollars of damage has been done to our home. He has backed away from all of his old friends, quit playing his favorite sport that he played all his life and only hangs out with people he works with and namely this women.

He no longer lives at home as I called the police after one of his rages in hopes to get him some help and this just seems to have made him angrier. He now stays at his parents, His appetite is not there, he sleeps alot and he is moody and quiet most of the time.

And then there will be days where he is kind, and non-stop talking about the weather and the latest show he's seen and he's volunteering to bath and put the kids to bed.

The most confusing thing is our relationship... Mostly he is cruel and cold hearted towards me... but as soon as I go to do something or start to backaway from him he goes into a rage. He cries and tells me he loves me and he will be better. We make love and then he's gone and ignores me again.... He tells people he works with Lies about how I tricked him into getting me Pregnant and he hates me and wants a divorce, but tells me there the one's lying and tries everything to manipulate me into staying....

When he's in a good mood... he agrees he needs help and promises to go to the Dr. and counseling but he never follows through....

I love him, but if he won't help himself what can I do..... And now get questioning him is the worst thing but I cannot go on and ignore everything that has happened in the last eight months.

And if he has had an affair.... Can I forgive him if he's sick?

There is so much more then this, i could write a book with the drama that has been my life for the last eight months.  Can a switch be flipped on this? He is in his early thirties....


Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 8/21/2007 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
He could be bipolar, but your post reminded me of the way my brother treated his girlfriend, and he was using drugs. I'm not saying that's for certain going on but I"d keep an open mind to the possibility.
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/21/2007 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I have talked to our family dr.  a councellor and Mental health nurse.... None of which would confirm Bi-polar with out talking to him....But they all said it sounded like drugs.... 
 
I have searched everything, I have watched our accounts like crazy and although he's spending money he is spending it on stuff (cloths, gadgets for his truck, CD's, Cologne)...
 
He is talking alot of cold medication and alergy meds (all over the counter) I called the drug addiction line and they said there is nothing in any of this to make him addicted... but it would give him a short caffine high and then to sleep....
 
My gut says it's not drugs....

olivia of course
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/21/2007 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Scared_Wife,

Welcome to the HW family, I am glad you found us.  I hope you get the support you are looking for here.

I am with Ellie on this one, it could be bipolar, but it can be other things too.  It's hard too say, from what you have describe.  Your husband is definetly haveing mood disturbances, but it is hard to say what is causing it.  Especially since he has not seen a doc about what he is going through.  Best wishes, and please keep us updated with what is going on.  Hang in there.


Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/21/2007 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank You Olivia,

For arguments sake...If he had bi-polar or any Mantal health issues for that matter, Do you have any advice on how I can get him to the Dr.

I have tried Begging, Crying, Threats..... I Try Loving him to normal and get treated like crap, I try tough Love and get sucide threats (No actual attempts yet). It seems like he is screaming for attention, but giving it to him seems to make things worse.... But I am so afraid not to respond.....

loving frustrated wife
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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 8/21/2007 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Scared_Wife, I am a wife to a BP. And, it has been my experience that the BP doesn't suddenly "show up", there have been issues for the person to some degree all their lives, they just didn't have it identified before. (Please chime in everyone if this is not a correct statement as it is only my experience I am speaking from.) If this is a complete shift, as unimaginable as you think, I wouldn't rule out drugs, affairs, or any other issue. Some drugs are not necessarily costly at first, but highly addictive. I have a friend whose brother sounds like this. He was hooked on meth. Yet he seems to still function in the world most of the time. So....stay open to whatever it could be.

The issue is, first and foremost, protect yourself and your kids. It sounds like whatever issues are coming to the forefront for him; violence is playing a part of it. It sounds like it is wise to have him living elsewhere, but you may also want to legally look at your options to protect your savings, and asset accounts from him during this erratic time he is having. Whatever the reason, clearly he needs help, but as with ANYTHING, you can't force someone to get help until THEY want it. Sadly, it doesn't sound like he is ready to acknowledge something is really wrong, and therefore you must look at legally where you stand to protect your financial future. I know that may sound callus, but, you have two children to think about first and foremost. Their futures are what counts and as their mother, you have a responsibility to be pragmatic about it. I am sure you love your husband, but no matter what kind of help your husband needs, if he is unwilling to get it, he is eliminating your options.

Just another thought for you… If this came on so suddenly, have you considered a brain tumor or something like that? I have always heard that can also cause this kind of complete personality shifting…and again, even if it is that reason, you will want to protect all your financial futures during the time you work to straighten it all out since he is currently not capable. Perhaps if you suggest that to your spouse from a place of fear, love and concern for him. He could then hear it from a place of it maybe isn’t his fault??? - Which I am sure that is all he is hearing right now when you try and talk to him. Then perhaps you can get him to the doctor’s - and that could lead to finding out more stuff. Then if it turns out to not be a medical condition, you will have at least ruled that out and because Dr’s run blood tests, you could also rule out a drug problem too because the doctor can run those tests simultaneous to also check for that possibility. But your husband doesn’t need to necessarily know he is taking those tests from the doctor too. I suppose you would have to have a doctor who would be on board with that – which could get tricky unless you have someone you trust. But, you really do need to also rule out it is not being prompted by something physical.

Hope those thoughts help. Good luck. LFW

Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 8/21/2007 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Scared Wife

I am also a wife to a BP sufferer for 20 years.

I agree with LFW that if these symptoms haven't shown themselves before and from your original post sounds like they have come on very suddenly then it is unlikely to be Bipolar. You don't say how long you have been together but even in a short time with him you would have noticed different elements to his personality that were outside what people consider to be 'the normal range'. Bipolar doesn't just cut in especially in your early thirties. It is usually 'switched' on in early teens, can happen if someone has had a troubled upbringing or not (and so often mistaken for regular adolescent bad behaviour) and then progressively gets worse as a person gets older. This doesn't sound like your husband as if he was BP he would have likely had lots of issues and problems in his life - like you are saying now but for major portions of his life. Even though his behaviour now is VERY BP LIKE.

I wouldn't like to say what is wrong but I have also read that drugs and also physical illnesses such as brain tumours/brain problems can change a persons behaviour to this degree in quite a short space of time.

You are doing all of the right things in protecting yourself and your children but it is very difficult to get someone to a doctor, especially a man when they are so much stronger and physically overbearing.

Is there anyone else who could help you with this, his doctor, any family members (yours or his), brothers that may be help to help without the threat of the physical violence? Although If it continues I think that you may have to get him involuntarily admitted to the hospital as a last resort to help him and also protect you and your kids. There is clearly something very wrong and it sounds like he needs help sooner rather than later.

Keep us posted and stay safe.

Honey Bee

serafena
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/22/2007 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Scared-Wife,

What you're going through must be so scary, frustrating, and heartbreaking but the common wisdom is that you can't make a person go into treatment. He has to agree to it and want it before it's going to be effective. And if he's doing everything in his power to shut you out (which it certainly seems he is) then that is going to be very difficult for you to influence his decision to seek treatment. Loving and Honey Bee are right that BP doesn't generally "switch on." A person usually shows some symptoms earlier - depression or ADD like symptoms dating back to teen years usually. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my late 20s but I'd been struggling with my moods almost since childhood. I think that's pretty typical.

That's not to say there isn't some mental problem happening here. Just because he's spending loads of money on clothes and gadgets doesn't mean he's not also spending it on drugs. If he's staying out and up all night, eating very little, he's getting all that energy somewhere. Meth perhaps? Cocaine?

Consider talking to a health professional about the safest and most effective way to confront your husband about his destructive lifestyle-- An intervention, so to speak. Show him how concerned you are and that you'd like to save your marriage, but make it clear that if he can't change his ways, his marriage is absolutely at stake. And mean it. If you can't back that up, he'll know it. Perhaps the knowledge that he could lose his wife and children will be enough to shock him into wanting to get help.

Good luck to you. Stay safe and be strong.
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/24/2007 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so freaked out..... A few days ago I told him that he needed to get help or stay gone... He flipped... did everything in his power to try and manipulate me into tears (treats of finacial, selling our hourse, taking the kids, sucide, etc) I stayed strong and said we cannot be together unless and untill you get help.....

The next day I got a call at work from his mother (He is staying with his parents) and said they found a note leaving stuff to my children and called his Job and he did not show up for work.... I called 911 and he was tracked in another city about 6 hours away... the police officer spoke with him and did a vehical search and found him in no way to be in danger to himself or anyone else... He also did not find any drugs or any sign of drug use.... He went on his way nad we never heard from him for 3 days...

He then walks in and acts like nothing has happened.... When I ask him about what happened he says... what, I never meant anything I just wanted you to put that stuff away....

When I said all of a sudden... I guess I should have clarified... the outbursts and Anger appeared all of a sudden. He has gone out of what I would call depressions the whole 12 years we have been togeher... He just never acted this strangely....

I have a friend who was diagnosed Bi-poler a few years back and she was the one who suggested this to me.... We live in a city where drugs are alot easier then most, so drugs is a viable anwser... But I would be shocked to learn of him taking them in the first place... I have no experience with this what would I look for?

Today his mood is good and I would say "Normal"... I guess we will wait and see what Tomorrow holds....

loving frustrated wife
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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 8/24/2007 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Scared, I’m not clear about this…does HE recognize at all that his behavior is off?  If not, there is nothing you can do but protect yourself and your kids from his extremely erratic behavior.  Ask his parents to help you do that.  Gain legal counsel about your options to protect assets from being hidden, pillaged, and sold off, etc.  But, if he does, tell him you are concerned about a possible brain tumor or some such ailment to explain his sudden personality shift.  If he agrees to see the M.D. then set up an appointment with a neurologist immediately.  Be sure and go with him to the appointment.  Since this is new and sudden behavior, you must rule out a physical ailment before progressing to a psychiatrist anyway.  I know you love him, but first and foremost you must take care of your kids and all of your futures.  I can only imagine living this way for anyone, let alone someone with young children depending on them, must be unbearable. 

I don't know if this will help, but when approaching my BP husband, I do know that sometimes my talking to him during what seems to be a balanced time (without pushing TOO hard) has more success than when he is over reacting.  If he is in a "normal" state, then maybe that is the time to CALMLY speak to him about it.  It doesn't then come from threats, just love and concern.  Maybe then he can hear you better? 

I wish you the best scared, it sounds like a very tough place to be right now.  LFW

 

 


mogli
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 8/25/2007 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Scared_Wife,

My, what a situation you are in.  I've read through the posts, and my fellow HWer's have said all the things I would have said.  Your husband is definitely experiencing extreme mood shifts; this and his spending/the affair could be a sign...It's all hard to say without any signs of symtpoms before all of this.  He definitely would need a thorough, very thorough examination.  Physical, and emotional.

My concern is your safety and your children's safety.  I don't like the thought of him coming and going when he pleases.  He's very unstable, that is for sure.  And that is very unpredictable.  Not safe for your family hun. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts, and I hope so much that you can find some help somehow.  Good for you for calling 911, and for the police tracking him.  If anything bad happens, do not hesitate to call the police.  You and your children need to stay safe.  I am so sorry that this has all happened to you.  My heart goes out to you, I cannot imagine this extreme change hitting you out of nowhere like it has.

Stay safe, take care and keep us upated. 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/25/2007 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank You all for your Concern and advice.... I want to reassure you all that the safety and futures of my children are My NUMBER ONE priority and will come first.

I have forced him (Via the police to move out) and added chainlocks to the doors that I lock every night.

I have retained a lawer and gained sole custody of the house and marital assets(at least temporaily)

He see the kids either at our house with me there or at his parents house with his mother there...

I watch our banking everyday, although cannot really do anything on this without going to court as both our names are on everything....

As for him knowing if his behavior is not normal, I think the anwser is somtimes.... But he truely believes everyone else is the issue(Especially me and his parents).... example he is more mad at me for calling the police then he is upset about the thousands of dollars damage he caused.... He Lies all the time, about even the stupidist things and won't admit the truth when I hold the proof in my hands that he is lying....

When he is in an OK mood and i Talk to him calmly, he generally agrees to go to the dr and therapy BUT>>> His mood has generally changed by the time an appointment roles around and he cancels or just dosn't show and tells me he never needed it....

He did go to the Dr. once.... Wouldn't let me come... got prescribed an Anti-depressent and was given the week of work as he was told it takes about a week before he will feel beeter (For side affects such as nausea) and 6 weeks before he would see a diffrence.... He took the pills 3 days and threw them away and has not been back to the doc..... I have gone on my own but he refused to give the Doc consent to talk to me, so all I can do is give him more info....

His parents have tried talking to him as well.... But... He treats them almost as bad as he treats me... somedays he talks a mile a minute about everything but his issues and others he lays on the couch drifting in and out of sleep talking to no one, and if forced to talk gives one word anwsers....

I am so afraid to ask him about a brain tumer, he had an illness before that almost killed him and has left him with minor health issues he will face the rest of his life and is petrified of Dr's and hospitials. He won't even see the dr on his regular check ups for that....

So heres my dilema... DO I turn my back on him and refuse to have anything to do with him and Ignor all threats untill he gets help... Or do I Leave things as is and ride the rollercoaster in Hopes that I can coax him to a dr eventually. I will never forgive myself if he did carry out a thrat, but am almost sure after this latest episode these are just for attention (another diffrence as we was never a drama queen, attention seeker before)!!!!

Anyone have a majic wand or crystal Ball... cause I really could use them now!!!!!

mogli
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 8/25/2007 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Scared_Wife,

I don't believe there is going to be anything that you can do for him at this point or maybe anymore.  I am sorry for that, I know it's painful.  But like you said, your number one priority are your kids. 

How long have you been married?  Regardless of what your husband is dealing with, be it bipolar or drugs, or whatever--He is being abusive, and to me, that is grounds for ending things.  The only reason I say that is because of the abuse.  I don't see it chaning or going away, especially because he will not be dealing with it.  This is so awful I know, because I know you love him.  But you cannot live like this and your children cannot go through this messy stuff.  I know he's making threats that may seem empty or for attention, but you never ever know...

It doesn't matter that sometimes his mood is okay, because the rest of the time, he is not okay.  I'm not telling you what to do, because I'm not a professional, but if I were in the same situation...I would not stay in the relationship that is putting me and my children at risk.  I know you are protecting your children.  I just don't feel at all that you can help him; and that has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with him. 
 
Again, I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this and having to make such hard, and painful decisions.  You are being very strong, keep that strength; it will help you get through this.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
--currently not on meds for bp--


serafena
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/25/2007 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Poor Scared-Wife,

With more detail, whether it's a very severe episode of mania (which I'm no doctor, but I'd guess would require hospitalization and anti-psychotics to treat) or drugs, you still need his cooperation to get treatment. However, all his talk of suicide may be an opening. If at any point you (or his parents) truly believe that he poses an immediate threat to himself or anyone else, you can take him to the emergency room and tell the doctor that. They will evaluate him, and if he is indeed suicidal (which it sounds like he would probably deny to a doctor) they would be required to send him to a psych hospital. Barring that, I'd sadly have to agree with Mogli and say you that you have to protect yourself. By not cooperating, he's really not allowing you to help him, no matter how much you want to. Your own needs are as valuable as his and no one should have to live with the kind of chaos you've been putting up with.

serafena
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/26/2007 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank You Serafena, This is the internal battle I have been having with myself for months.... If he does not have a disorder and is just acting like ann @ss then there is no way I would put up with this. But if He is sick and it's not his fault maybe I should stick it out...

After hearing all of your comments I think I am going to stick to my plan of telling him to get help or stay away from me ( I do not want to discourage a relationship with our children). To be honest I don't think this will scare him into do anything but he will continue to self - sabotage.

I have read back through alot of old posts and the one that really hit home was a topic of Bi-polar wife - Questions?... some of what the women in there was EXACTLY how he treats me... I have enen thought that he was trying to get me to leave him... Somone in there mentioned that Borderline Personality Disoreder.... I have Googled this and can not seem to find a clear distinction between Bi-Poler and BPD....

He has "popped" by unannoced again for the last 3 days.... Thursday night he was all sweet and romantic brought a movie and asked me to cuddle on the couch.... Suddenly he got aggitated like and said he was tired and had to go home.

Friday night he stopped in at bathtime (He does not call or I don't here from him at all between Visits) and helps with baths and then says he is meeting a friend and leaves.

Yesterday he takes our son to Hockey in the morning(just down the street) runs and gets us take out for lunch and we all go to a family function we had been invited too... as soon as we get the kids in bed he gets aggitated and says he's gotta go... Like hanging out with an old buddy.... SO this is new... he is not loving... yet he is not cold....

hammilton
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 152
   Posted 8/26/2007 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, there's an easy enough way to see if it's drugs or not. Does he use any combs or razers in your house? If you can get a sample of his hair (make sure it's his or it's a waste of money)? You can have hair samples tested without requiring permission.

On that note, there are definitely cold and allergy medications that may show up as illegal drugs. Tylenol may show up as THC (it's actually a pro-drug for the cannabinoid AM404 which is devoid of psychoactivity) anything containing Ephedrine or Pseudephedrine may show up as any amphetamine (unsubstituted a-methyl-PEA, methylamphetamine, probably MDMA) since Ephedrine and Pseudephedrine (optical isomers of eachother) are oxidized methamphetamine analogues. Vicks inhalers contain the (generally devoid of psychoactivity) optical isomer of methamphetamine (the L or Levo- isomer instead of the D or Dextro- isomer) which they've avoided public complaint by labelling as "levmetamfetamin"- a good idea since not many people would realize it's lack of addictive potential if it was labelled L-methamphetamine. There's another inhaler that contains cyclohexadrine which may show up as amphetamine, as well.

Cough syrups containing dextromethorphan have the potential show cause false positives for both PCP and opioids.

I'm not super familiar with how hair tests are done, but I assume it involves some sort of GC/MS which should avoid any false positives. Urinalysis through simple dip-tests available at supermarkets, would be nearly impossible to conduct without getting permission or at least arousing suspicion. They're also extremely prone to error.

I'm prescribed Adderall, and one day I was experiencing chest pain so I went to the ER (without insurance, mind you). I told them about my prescriptions, including the two for controlled substances and about a month ago I had once partaken in a common misdemeaner here. They did a dip-test and found none of my prescribed medications or my midemeaner, but instead found PCP, something I've never, ever even considered taking or had ever heard of anyone using (didn't it sort of die in the 70s with rampages in the poor black community?). I still haven't figured that one out- best guess is that it was from taking Nyquil to sleep a few nights prior. When I asked how the test was completed (ie: UA dip, vs. GC/MS) it was given even poorer treatment and told that it was "suspicious" that I knew about different types of drug testing. Despite the fact that I've been employed in the past as a "drug-tester" and worked with the DEA as an expert on psychoactives ("I'm not impressed that you were an informer" I was told, rudely, despite the fact that my work wasn't remotely related).

If I had to guess... I'd say no to both drugs and Bipolar disorder. How old is he? My bet would be on mid-life crisis.

Looking at statistics, it's pretty uncommon for Bipolar disorder to appear out of the blue in older men, and drug abuse and addiction (especially stimulant addiction) is very, very uncommon to start in adulthood, especially if there's no history of it in youth. Alcohol addiction is commonly first diagnosed in mid- to late-adulthood, but even then it's usually years into the disease's etiology. What you're describing doesn't sound at all like alcoholism, though. Stimulant abuse does fit best with your description, but I think without a history of it (or information that this other women has a history of it) it's pretty unlikely. It's common to portray meth as the biggest thing since crack ruined the ghetto, but the fact is that outside of certain populations (the very poor, homosexuals and maybe one or two others) it's use is actually declining for the first time, and never remotely approached those of crack addiction. It's main reason for the massive publicity is the way white people in suburban and rural regions are using it, and the major accidents kitchen labs are prone to enduring (explosions, toxic gases).

Hammilton

Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 8/26/2007 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hammilton, I am definatly going to look into drug testing Hair.... We live in Canada and I do not know if the rules are the same here as they are in the US and I don't think this will be that easy....

He is 32 and asside from a little Pot in his teens has not had a drug problem and has never used the whole time i have been with him( at least that I am aware of).... Alcohol is another storey... when he drinks he tends to drink excessivly to the point he is sick, but I would not classify him as an alcholic as he can and does have just one beer and does not drink everyday... although he does drink more often when he is on "High" days....

Another big thing is BPD seems to be more in people who have had attachenment issues in childhood.... He has a strong family and good mother, his parents are still together and as a family are all very close... Which is why the way he is suddendly treating them is strange....

hammilton
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 152
   Posted 8/26/2007 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not saying it's cheap- hair testing is probably the most costly way to get results, but it's also likely the most effective. Not knowing case law in your country, it's hard to say if it's legal or not. As I recall pre-employment testing is prohibited, though.

Certainly if he's left his hair at your house he's done so voluntarily, even if he didn't realize it at the time. I'm reminded of a certain US custody case that involved the a phrase that went something like "if the donation was voluntary, even if the result wasn't intended, you are still liable."' It ceratinly ranks up there with "I know it when I see it"

But this sort of thing doesn't really apply to any sort of criminal penalty no matter what. At the most, in an eventual custody hearing it would be excluded from admission. That's not really pertinent when you're just trying to find out, though.

olivia of course
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/30/2007 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Scared_Wife,

How are things going, did they get better. Hang in there and know we are here for you.
Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
Support HealingWell: 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/2/2007 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Things are still Up and Down,   He has been taking off out of Town alot so I have been filled with Worry, but also a sense of peace as I know he won't just show up....
 
He took off last Wednsday after an argument with his dad, said nothing to no one.  Normally he dosn't contact me at all. But he started txt Messaging me at two AM.  He kept asking if I was staying with the kids all weakend???? What where else would I be... I didn't respond untill the next day and anwsered him with one of his favorite anwsers "Why?".  he calls two minutes later asking to talk to the kids and how am I doing and all very nice and courtious, Though seemed very anxious about me leaving the boys with a sitter. I asked him if there was a point to his call as he had not spoken to me for 4 days prior to this call and Yelled at me to get the **** away from him the last time I saw him.  He said "well, the phones gonna die can I call you later" said he'd be gone till Monday.
 
came home(To his parents house) yesterday and spent some time with the kids.  He kept them for a few hours and then brought them home bathed and ready for bed. He then put them to sleep and walked around the house like he owns it and then said Ok.. so I guess I'll see you later.. I said yep, see ya and he left....
 
I hope I am doing the right thing giving him the cold shoulder... If He is Bi-Polar... I would say the last few days he has been in the"Middle" state.  But I Hvae seen this before.. I Could give in and be nice and get him to agree to a dr and By Monday his mood will change.... Am I doing the right thing?
 

Ellie 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 9/2/2007 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Stay strong. Bipolars, (if that is indeed the case) are master manipulators. Don't let him weasel his way back in until he's getting some help. Maybe this will be the wake up call he needs. I know it's hard, but in the end it will be not only better for you, but the best thing for him as well. You're not hurting him, you're helping him.
Hang in there
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
You just have to accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 
 


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/2/2007 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I completely agree with Ellie here. The fact is, your ONLY chance of reconciling is if he gets A LOT of help and finds out what is wrong with him...physically or emotionally…or both. Unless he does this, no matter "how" sweet he is...You have NO life with him that will have ANY consistency. What you have now will be your life FOREVER. Do you want that? To continue to view and handle the relationship as OVER is the best thing you can do for you and the kids. Keep moving forward legally to protect your financial futures from his erratic behavior. A legal separation agreement/divorce if you must. The fact is, if he ever does get help...it could be next week...or 10 years from now...or NEVER. So ask yourself how much of YOUR life you are willing to sacrifice for him to wait. If you “get on with it", life step by step will reveal what is best for you. Your joy in life can not be crushed waiting in HOPE for him to return after almost a year. I am not saying to rush any judgment...just don't waste your life either. Happiness is out there for you if you make space for it. The choices are yours to know how much of your life you are willing to spend waiting. If wellness is in his future, he will respect you all the more for having demanded better for yourself and stood strong against his behavior - and if you are still available when this occurrence happens, there is nothing stopping you from exploring reconciliation then. If wellness it is not in his future, you loose NOTHING by moving forward. A lot to continue thinking about…LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/3/2007 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Yep -- you're doing the right thing. Ellie and LFW said it all. Stay strong. He'll get help or he won't, but you take care of yourself.
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


Scared_Wife
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 9/7/2007 12:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Urggggggg.....  OK... So I'm staying tough, I am not chasing him, leaving him alone when he's in a bad mood and strangly enough for a few days he seemed in a calm, yet he was making excuses to call and come over. 

Sunday night he calls and asks if he can come over cause he forgot his keys to his parents house and can't get in.  I say sure Come get the spare key... He comes trys kissing me and I keep pushing him away and he tears up and asks me why.. I say I am not a yo-yo and he needs to get help.. blabla same old same old.    He goes to leave cause he is mad, but stops at the doorway and stares at me for a long time   (at least 15 minutes) I say nothing.  He then comes to me grabs my hands and tells me how sorry he is and wants to come home, he will be better... I said Actions speak loader then words....

Next day... he's perfect... take the kids to park.. go out for lunch....take the kids visiting his parents.. nice day.... He's been ignoring me ever since.  asked him to help with a few errands... nope... Didn't make the appointment... basically an exact repeat.

so do I.... do nothing and continue to ignor him, And repeat myself when he comes around again OR Send him a note, a phone call or something to let him know he dropped the ball again. 

I am so frustrated, and I really really want to yell at him....

Also, can someone tell me... could he be having "racing thoughts" and I wouldn't know it... he gets into these sates where he's all fidgety and it seems like he just needs to get away from me and I almost wonder if he is starting to have painic attacs.   (I have asked him and he says no to both)

 

   


HighlandWolf
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/7/2007 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I can say this. My cousin, a decorated retiring officer in the federal government and one time state policeman..also highly decorated there..is bipolar. He had no idea what had been wrong with him for years. He would wake up in Kansas..we live in Illinois..he woke up on the side of the road outside of Topeka..he had a major meeting that day. He never explained why he had to postpone it,just said he had to go out of town. His heavy drinking did not help. He also woke up one morning in a hotel in Colorado. Having no recollection of driving there. He had terrific mood swings,he had issues with his wife,never his kids, he just ignored them during these times. It took a head injury and cerebral hemmorhage and stroke to diagnose him as Bipolar. He is Bipolar with OCD. He drives me nuts...he's a neat freak. He comes to my apartment and rearranges MY desk! :D

He has been terrific since he got meds for it. He is now on a second thing,and it's all good,and his epilepsy is also under control. And the best thing, today is 20 months he's been clean and sober from drinking. After over 30 years of alcoholism.

And if you need me or him Scared..we will help you. He is also a counselor.
Even a man who is pure of heart and says his prayers by night will become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.
 
 
 
Confirmed Diagnosises:
Rheumatoid Arthritis (27 years) Neuropathy (from RA 11 years) Genetic Nerve Deafness (10+ years) OsteoArthritis (12+ years) GERD (17+ years)Myalgia(15+ years) Mild HBP (less than one year) Complicated Migraines ( 15+ years) Vertigo( 3 years) Allergies and Chronic Bronchitis, (all my life)Chronic Diarrhea (16 years)Cervical Spondylosis..just diagnosed. Osteophyte Disc complex..just diagnosed..Cervical Stenosis..just diagnosed..4 bulging discs..just diagnosed.
 
Medications: Zantac,Vicodin,Lisinopril, 
Relpax,Arava,Nasorel, Singular,Meclizine,Lomotil,Ultram. 
 
 
Non-Prescription:
 
Chromium (to regulate hypoglycemia)
Biotin (also to regulate hypoglycemia)
B Vitamins
Vitamin C
Green Tea
Papaya ( for replacement of enzymes lost from gall bladder removal.)

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