Hi Everyone. I am new on here but have been reading your posts for a long time mainly to help deal with my now ex boyfriend. My problem is whether I should have left him and if he gets into difficulities should I go back and help him once again. I do love him. He has been totally honest since I met him about his illness and does try to deal with it on his own and keep me sheltered from it, saying I shouldn't have to deal with it and even expects all his girlfriends to leave him. He can be so kind and sweet and yet I know how manipulative he can be too. The trouble is he drinks heavily and won't take his medication when he drinks. This means he spends most of his time hypomanic which is why we have had an off/on relationship for the last 11 months. He becomes very selfish and just wants attention from everyone that I get left behind and sometimes forgot and he seems to go his own way yet when I leave him he turns to drinking constantly and often in his texts will tell me he is drunk again which is nearly every day which is his cry for help for me to get him out of the pub and back on the meds. He introduced me to someone as his girlfriend who has helped him through a lot of difficult times. I have just left him again and he is seeing a married woman (not the first time I have had him back after going with someone else and when drinking heavily) putting this down to being manic and drinking heavily again. He has asked me twice now if we can still be friends and I'm worried that he will just be using me as a crutch each time he gets into tail spinning mode with the drink and am so unsure as to what he really feels. He has said he loves me but don't want to settle down. Yet other times he says he don't know what he wants. I know he was hurt in his mariage break up. His wife didn't stand by him when he got ill.
I have printed off items off the posts to show him that I do understand what he is going through and hopefully to help him with the drink and get him on the meds etc.(which I am so grateful to this site for). I saw him the other night and he made out he was having a great time getting drunk every day but when I said you are not coping very well are you? He said no and said he had cried all day saying he had had enough of being bipolar and his married woman had said he drank too much and he couldnt get anyone to stand by him. I felt so much for him but didn't want to be taken for granted and try and help him again. i tried to talk him into getting back on the medication (which makes him very tired, the doctor having putting him on a high dose I think because of his drinking) an he said he would try next week. When on the meds though all he does is sleep and this really does him in so he goes back on the drink as he likes to be doing things. I explained if he kept off the drink I would go to the doctors with him to see if his meds can be altered so he is not so tired.
I just don't know what to do. He seems to push me away but all the time but I get the feeling he is constantly asking for help. ( I know he finds it difficult to ask for help. Thinks he can do everything alone). I know his family will take care of him but if should I go back again if it gets to that stage or leave him to sort himself out? i feel so guilty for leaving when I feel I should have stood by him.
I'd just like to say how grateful I am for this site and has given me such an insight into bipolar and all its difficulties.
Thank you all for your comments, thoughts, understanding and straight talking which I really don't mind and maybe is what I need. It is going to be really hard to leave the man I love behind especially when I feel he needs someone to help him but I suppose I know that I will suffer if I go back to the close relationship that we had. He said last time we got back together that he was really ill when I left because with me he feels normal and he hasn't felt normal in such a long time. He always tried to keep off the drink when he was with me and I managed to get him to take his meds for 2 weeks (Yes I know its not a lot but it was the first time he had taken them for that long, so big achievement for him). He also said I never take any rubbish from him and I can control him and he needs someone like me to keep him off the drink but was it love or is he looking for a mother figure? I am 10 years his senior. Suppose I will never know. It's these things that break my heart but I know I have to do it and it is up to him to sort his life out, illness or no illness. I have given a lot of my time and love to him to try and help him achieve what he wants but if he relentlessly goes back to the drink and good times, manic episodes, then it is now down to him. I will just be grateful for all the laughs he has given me as when things were good, they were very good. We had the same tastes in everything and got on really well.
I will stay a friend to him but keep my distance which will be really hard as I really love him (he has such an unselfish nature in some ways and such kindness in not wanting me to suffer too) and it hurts to see him at the moment as a just a friend but will try to help him in that way if he needs my help. In the meantime I have to move on and get on with my own life and like you all say, look after myself and what I need out of life.
Thank you all so much.
I wanted to welcome you to the HW family, I am glad you found us. I hope you find the support you are looking for here.